Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Confused - online date

51 replies

User520007 · 03/03/2019 14:16

A date seems to have let me down today...I’ve not text to confirm arrangements either but at the same time I know a man who is keen will definitely message so I don’t want to waste my time if he can’t even follow up on date #2. Despite him being the one asking me after the last one if we could meet again. Why is it never simple?!

I rarely meet anyone I’m bothered about meeting again so I’m kind of disappointed. We’ve spoken a couple of times on the phone and he seemed so straightforward and said a few times he was looking forward to seeing me again. What would you think?

OP posts:
NoArmaniNoPunani · 03/03/2019 14:19

What time were you supposed to meet? I would just send a 'still on for today?' text.

ChangingStates · 03/03/2019 14:19

I think I would text to confirm. He has made it clear he wants to see you again, you've got nothing to lose by texting.

Original poster
User520007 · 03/03/2019 14:22

We didn’t really say a time, think the last we spoke on it was Sunday evening.

The last couple of texts aren’t clear though...I said I would sleep on it (it being the day I wanted to meet). He said he could take make Saturday anyway and I said ok. That was that and not heard from him since (Thursday).

Not sure whether to text as I would rather know if he’s not arsed to be honest.

OP posts:
Original poster
User520007 · 03/03/2019 14:22

*he then said he couldn’t make Saturday

OP posts:
Esspee · 03/03/2019 14:30

A simple text asking "Do you fancy meeting up this evening? " is perfectly OK. If he doesn't reply don't contact him again.
Plenty more fish in the sea.

Original poster
User520007 · 03/03/2019 14:33

Is it not better to see if he texts and if he doesn’t just conclude he’s not that bothered?

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 03/03/2019 14:35

The last couple of texts aren’t clear though...I said I would sleep on it (it being the day I wanted to meet). He said he could take make Saturday anyway and I said ok. That was that and not heard from him since (Thursday).

You left the ball in your court. You said you'd confirm what day, he said he couldn't do Saturday... you needed to go back and say, okay, how about 4pm on Sunday or whatever.

If I was him, I'd be feeling a bit messed about.

Original poster
User520007 · 03/03/2019 14:37

Anchor I did think that maybe. But if he was bothered he’d follow up wouldn’t he?

OP posts:
Sidge · 03/03/2019 14:37

I expect he thinks you’re not bothered either. You’re not exactly making much effort yourself!

There’s no harm in texting and saying “hey are we still on for meeting up today as planned? If so let me know when and where.”

Why should he have to do all the work? Communication is a two way street.

Original poster
User520007 · 03/03/2019 14:39

Sidge I know that but one of us has to message don’t we...I’m just in two minds about whether he’s actually keen to meet and slightly annoyed he’d say he wanted to then not finalise arrangements

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 03/03/2019 14:41

But if he was bothered he’d follow up wouldn’t he?

No. You seem determined that he should do all the chasing. It doesn't work like that. You said you'd follow up and didn't get back to him - would you follow up in those circumstances? He might not want to put pressure on you, or spend time with someone who doesn't really want to. You don't even want to follow up now, when you said you would!

Are you in the right frame of mind for dating right now? It should be a lot easier at this stage Thanks

Bringbackthestripes · 03/03/2019 14:42

^^ agree withAnchor

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 03/03/2019 14:42

slightly annoyed he’d say he wanted to then not finalise arrangements

That's entirely unreasonable when you were the one who wanted to delay things and sleep on when you wanted to meet. That made it your responsibility to go back to him with when suited you.

Nquartz · 03/03/2019 14:48

I'm confused by the whole scenario so maybe he is too! Just text him, he might be sat waiting for you to confirm you want to meet up

Original poster
User520007 · 03/03/2019 14:50

I text and you were right he thought I didn’t want to meet...

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 03/03/2019 14:52

I hope you have a good second date! Smile

Original poster
User520007 · 03/03/2019 15:20

Thanks, it’s not actually been set yet, he said he he thohhht I wasn’t interested and I corrected him and said I am...

No reply yet

OP posts:
NotANotMan · 03/03/2019 15:23

You can't expect him to read your mind! You said you'd sleep on it, that means you want the option to say yes or no. If he had contacted you again it would have been pushy of him.

PinkHeart5914 · 03/03/2019 15:31

Thing is you weren’t making any effort with him so I wouldn’t bother meeting you know, it’s 50/50 effort.

No of this rubbish about oh if a man is interested he texts, and women can’t text?

You said you’d sleep on it and then never actually bothered confirming anything, people can’t read your mind.....

GoldenSyrupLion · 03/03/2019 15:36

This sounds really painful.

Reaa · 03/03/2019 15:38

Just be blatant, suggest a time, place, date and see what he replies.

Original poster
User520007 · 03/03/2019 15:51

He said he was with a mate but could be spontaneous... to which I said ok well let me know.

Wasn’t sure what else to say?!

OP posts:
CalamityJune · 03/03/2019 15:58

He said he is with a mate but saying he could be spontaneous.

That means he is willing to see you at short notice.

That's your cue to stay why don't we do something tonight or tomorrow for instance. Message him again and suggest something if you like him. I would be thinking you were hard work at this point.

seven201 · 03/03/2019 15:58

In future, just say what you want. There's no need for silly games and waiting for the other person to chase. Life is too short for that bollocks and he obviously thought you'd lost interest (I would have too if I were him) so didn't want to pester you! Have fun tonight.

Original poster
User520007 · 03/03/2019 15:59

I thought by confirming I was interested and then leaving it to him if he wanted to meet then that was the right thing to do?

Am I going wrong somewhere here? Surely he knows I want to meet having said that?

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread