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Original poster

Confused - online date

51 replies

User520007 · 03/03/2019 14:16

A date seems to have let me down today...I’ve not text to confirm arrangements either but at the same time I know a man who is keen will definitely message so I don’t want to waste my time if he can’t even follow up on date #2. Despite him being the one asking me after the last one if we could meet again. Why is it never simple?!

I rarely meet anyone I’m bothered about meeting again so I’m kind of disappointed. We’ve spoken a couple of times on the phone and he seemed so straightforward and said a few times he was looking forward to seeing me again. What would you think?

OP posts:
CalamityJune · 03/03/2019 16:02

It depends what you said- I think it just seems a bit passive.

"Sounds great- i'm free tonight or tomorrow, let me know if you fancy meeting up?" is fine.

"Ok, well just let me know" sounds less enthusiastic

Reaa · 03/03/2019 16:03

6pm, place down the road, tonight?

If he says yes, then you know he really is interested.

Original poster
User520007 · 03/03/2019 16:03

It was probably passive yes.

But I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it and I had text to see if we were meeting?! Surely if he wants to me he will now let me know and arrange it with me? He’s knows I’m free..

OP posts:
Original poster
User520007 · 03/03/2019 16:04

I don’t feel I can text again as he’s read the last message

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 03/03/2019 16:06

Fuck me this is like pulling teeth! Just suggest a day time and place and get it over with!

Reaa · 03/03/2019 16:08

User520007 just suggest time, place and when and get it done with.

CalamityJune · 03/03/2019 16:09

How about something like:

"So speaking of spontaneous, i've just seen that is showing at x.xxpm. Fancy it?"

It depends how much you like him. Are you willing for it to just peter out because you were too scared to message twice in a row?

Original poster
User520007 · 03/03/2019 16:10

He’s said it’s too far to go as he has stuff to do tonight but has said I can go to his. Not keen on that idea so have said no...

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 03/03/2019 16:11

Meet halfway/later in the week

Mazes · 03/03/2019 16:15

Actually that’s very rude, suggesting you should go to his. That would annoy me s lit tbh. Why is it too far for him, but not you?

I’m with you OP - if he wants to see you he’ll make a plan. It’s not that hard is it? If it’s only the second date he should be making an effort and expecting you to traipse to see him is a huge red flag.,

Mazes · 03/03/2019 16:17

Anyway the ball is 100% in his court now, but he may well have burnt his bridges with that last suggestion.

Original poster
User520007 · 03/03/2019 16:36

He said he has work he needs to finish and ‘let’s organise something soon’

OP posts:
NotANotMan · 03/03/2019 16:42

You left it until today to say you wanted to meet and now he has plans. Hardly surprising

Original poster
User520007 · 03/03/2019 16:43

True.

I’m not the best at these things.

OP posts:
Mazes · 03/03/2019 16:48

Yes, but why would he not say, “When are you next free, I’d love to take you for dinner.” That would be a more normal response, surely?

Original poster
User520007 · 03/03/2019 16:50

All he said was ‘let’s organise something soon.’

Don’t know how to take that to be honest

OP posts:
Ameliant · 03/03/2019 16:57

You're being given the run around OP, leave it now.

PlinkPlink · 03/03/2019 16:58

🙄

If you really like each other, you'll arrange things without all the games. You're both playing them. Assuming he should text if he's interested despite you saying you'd sleep on it?

After our first date (we met on POF), OH and I text each other and said we really enjoyed it and definitely wanted to meet again in a few days. We then picked a day that was feasible for both of us and a time.

No games. Just honesty. We made it clear we wanted to see each other again.

Maybe you don't like him that much if you wanted to sleep on it? Maybe if you're not sure he likes you or not, you should just leave it?
It was pretty clear OH and I liked each other very very much 😂😂😂

SackGirl · 03/03/2019 17:00

I seem to have become a bit harsh in sacking things off recently, if someone said it was too far for them but then wanted me to come to them this early on I'd probably think 'this hasnt flowed easily on either side so maybe not meant to be'
but also I'm lonely, so maybe not best person to take advice from!

crimsonlake · 03/03/2019 17:05

He is being very non committal, that would put me off now. If he was very interested no doubt he would have chased this up. I would move on then if he comes back to you maybe have a rethink.

Original poster
User520007 · 03/03/2019 17:19

I don’t know what to think tbh. Maybe I should have been direct about finalising a time with him in the first place.

But still, he’s not exactly showing me he wants to see me asap

OP posts:
emilybrontescorsett · 03/03/2019 17:27

I wouldn't go to his.
Suggest a time and place for later on in the week.

hellenbackagen · 03/03/2019 17:36

Sorry
Op
But you coming across as really hard work.

He is probably feeling very unsure about whether you want to see him .

Because that's how your coming across.

Just stop the mind games and second guessing and name a day and a place - he sounds keen but you don't because you're not committing to anything.

GraceMarks · 03/03/2019 17:55

I'm exhausted just from reading your posts. Why on earth can't people just say what they mean? If you're still interested in salvaging the situation, just text him with a firm date, time and place to meet, and leave it up to him to respond. But if communicating with him is this much of a faff now, it doesn't exactly bode well for the future.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 03/03/2019 18:00

*I don’t know what to think tbh. Maybe I should have been direct about finalising a time with him in the first place.

But still, he’s not exactly showing me he wants to see me asap*

Why do you expect him to do all the running?

It's mutual here, as it should be. You're so passive in your replies that he probably thinks you couldn't care less. What do you have to lose by suggesting a time? He's already proved that he wanted to see you. The first time you promised to organise things and didn't, this time he's said he'll meet you at late notice, and you're still passively waiting for him.

No one is going to rock up on a horse and force you off to a date they've arranged. It's mutual. If you want to see him, arrange actual details and let yourself seem interested.

You're playing games with him, and from your posts here, yourself too.

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