New man

[pickled2019]

So I've met someone and now been seeing him 6weeks
I have a lo who's 7yrs and from the beginning I've said I need to move really slowly...he's been nothing but understanding and respectful and it's me that struggles with going slow! We see each other when we can which is weekends (my lo goes to her dad every other and my mum has her on the odd weekend night which has always been the case) and at least once in the week which has just been a quick dinner date or coffee between work.

It's young very well and I really like him

He wants to meet lo and move things forward....I'm at the point where I don't know if i should wait or not
I've always said I would wait a long time but since meeting him I've just gone with what feel right
He's suggesting we go out for the day over Easter holidays which by then would have been 3 months but just wondered what everyone did when they met someone new ?

I will add, it's not so we can see each other more or him staying over as that will be way down the line
It's so he can know me as a mum rather than a care free single person which when we are together I feel like!
Los dad is amiable and we split years ago just to also add
Just feel now was the right time to meet someone and we met online

Thanks for reading

If it was me I would wait longer.
You might also learn a lot by his reaction when you tell him you would like to,wait. If he is a decent man he will understand.

Yeah I have said I wanna wait and he's fine with it. In fact he's been super fine and not put one bit of pressure on at all. It's me that feels like I want to. But I've always thought if we wait then he won't mind waiting as long as the time is right. I just feel I've been single for a while and couldn't imagine letting someone in to our lives but since meeting him, it's moved forward naturally x

I'd say it was far too soon. Why does he want want to meet your DC?

To "see you as a mum" what does that even mean.

No please wait way longer. I made this mistake in a new relationship and it ended after 8 months. You can't know him at all after only 6 weeks. What is his rush I wonder?

It's too soon. We waited a year to meet the children.

I would wait at least 6 months but I know it’s hard.

To see me as a mum
How does that even need an explanation?!
To make sure we are on the same page parenting. People are very different when they are having a day with the kids day in day out to when I have childcare and can have me time etc. He also has a lo so I think its very important to make sure parenting views are same etc
At the moment it's only words and I think actions are more important
I wouldn't wanna meet his lo anytime soon as it's different
He has her every 3rd and 4th weekend and a day in the week as he works shifts but as my lo is with me more and lives with me then this is why he's suggested me meets her
There isn't any rush at all
It's merely a question to see if after 3 months of dating - when he is suggesting - is too soon

He wants to meet her because she is my life and he wants to move things forward ?! Thought that was a pretty normal reaction to dating someone and meeting someone you like that appears to tick all the boxes
We are both late 30's both been married before, both have the same outlook on like and it's been nice getting to know him
Haven't said i know everything about him
He has said he will wait as long as I feel ready - I was just wondering as I feel after this weekend and after every time I've been him, we get closer and have feeling for him

Contrary to the usual wait a year thing people say on here, I have on a few occasions,introduced my dd to a very new guy. This has been in the context of mate popping round for an hour for a cuppa'. My child is more important than a bloke and if she doesn't like them, I don't pursue the relationship.

Hmm that's the thing
I'm definitely not going to wait a year as I think that's too long
6months was my idea but since meeting him and getting to know him, I'm just wondering if it should be sooner.
It's hard because I just want to do what's right and I know everyones going to have different ideas
Just good to get other opinions x

I had lots of friends, male and female who my little one met.

When I starting dating dh he was just another friend.

He has always been really good with her - she 28 now.

He said that one of the reasons he fell in love with me was the way I was with her.

Think it was a month after we met we had a day out.

Have you met his children?

Ahh that's so nice
I too have lots of male friends but mainly other friends partners and I see it similar. I think it's good to mix with other people and you don't know if you can settle down with someone until they've really known you anyway and how can they when you don't see them as a parent
I mean he's besotted with me which is lovely as I've never had that before but if he doesn't get on with my lo or click then there's no way it would work ! X

No I haven't as I think and he even said it's too early for that
Purely because he only sees her once a week on average and the odd weekend - the arrangement with his ex is a lot more flexible than mine, they talk and arrange more as hoc visits, he's more involved than my ex is with mine, does school runs, has her for dinner / then takes her home kind of thing due to their work but mine is very set and rigid
He helps with holidays and has her 3nights at a time, my ex doesn't
That's another story - something in going to try change this year if I can

My new man said he would like to meet my lo, then intergrate bringing his lo for a fun day out with us at some point
He said it may he too daunting for my lo to meet him and his lo in one go ? But as we've said there's no rules or regs just talking different options at the mo x

I mean he's besotted with me

It's been 6 weeks. None of this is real yet. Whether you do a casual meet in the Easter holiday or not is neither here nor there if you're rushing headlong into something with no caution stops.

Would it be normal for your LO to meet friends. Do you have a busy household?

My last one I introduced to my kids after a few months as a friend and we did days out with the kids. But they totoally fell for him and wanted him to sleepover etc. We did split up and it was awful as the children were so close to him. But that was 5 years down the line.

I think that meeting your kids will change the dynamic and move the relationship on. Even if you don’t think it will. I introduced my current bloke to my (now teenage) kids too soon. I thought it was ok as they were teenagers and knew I was dating someone. And it felt a bit odd him picking me up outside the house and Not saying hello.
We very quickly then got in to the habit of him coming over and us watching tv in the sofa and it made us feel more coupley than we actually were and moved things at a pace we weren’t ready for.

Should have said, other than a brief hello to establish dd didn't hate a bloke on sight, I then did not spend any time at all with us all together. I was not trying to create a new family and did not want her to think she was getting a new dad. As long as she liked him it meant I could proceed with getting to know them.

oh come on, six weeks...alternate weekends and the occasional overnight with grandma is when you have seen him

you do not even know this person, not even stretching it out to easter

rein it back in a bit for goodness sake.

No not a man - of course it's real! And someone can be besotted with someone from the offset - geez! What is wrong with people?!
Love how everyone is so negative
I haven't said it's going to last forever have I ?
I've met a nice decent bloke and I've no reason to think anything different
That's the whole point of getting to know someone isn't it?!

Notcoolmum so am I right in reading you split up after 5 years?!so
There's no guarantee for anything in life and ESPECIALLY on here there's cheating, vile men, vile women, domestic abuse, you read the most shocking stories on here
Only have to go and read NOW the stories
I yet have met someone who seems decent and wants the same things I do in life
Yet I always find people asking a genuine question on here, wanting advice and getting shot down by badly worded answers
I'm going to unread this because I can see it going down the route it always does on here every time
Enjoy your Sunday's everyone
I'm going to go and enjoy the rest of mine and might even arrange a meet up for Easter holidays ❤️x

Dont worry OP , when I met now DH online and asked a question about moving in together or something when we'd be together and blissfully happy for a few months I got pilloried too on here. Happiness does not go down well on the relationship board - perhaps it should be renamed 'negative relationship chat only'. Anyway we're nearly two years married, 4+ years together..tinder success story and still blissfully happy. I think I would wait a little longer but ultimately he sounds like a guy who wants to make a family with his lo and you and yours...the golden egg of OLD! And still there's negativity! Reign it in another month I'd say...and see how you both feel.

Yes OP we split after 5 years. Lots of other red flags but I think we did the meeting the kids thing quite well.
Just remember prepared for things to ramp up as you will automatically relax on him being round when she’s in bed etc. This is all ok as long as you keep an eye on things. And I’d leave it until 6 months for him to be your bf in your daughter’s eyes.

So he wants to meet your DC but doesn’t want you to meet his? Hmmmm.

What insomnia said.
If he's meeting LO on a day out his LO should also be on that day out. Just arrive separately meet up introduce as friends then see how the kids are after that. But kids should be introduced together imo

OP people are only giving you advice based on their experiences. Some of us have LOTS of experiences.
To be 'besotted' after 6 weeks is a massive red flag for most people whether you like it or not. If you come on here asking for advice, you will get a few people say this.
You have to realise people are entitled to different views on this. You seem very annoyed when people say things you don't want to hear....]
I'm sure you will do what is right for you. Personally I wouldn't introduce my kids to another guy for at least 6 months.