Hi, I’m in need of some help as this is driving me crazy. I don’t know if my married coworker is flirting with me, or if it’s just friendly banter and I’m just imagining it. It leaves me not knowing what to think and it’s driving me insane!
Last year I (27F) changed jobs to a new office. Here I work in a small team including a colleague (34M) who I get on well with. I’m single and he is married, with a 7 year old daughter. He’s my type physically, and I look ‘like a hotter version of his wife’ (not my words, another colleague said it jokingly) so I’m probably his. We get on really well, same sense of humour, similar beliefs, taste in music, etc. We just really ‘click’.
Anyway, over the year I have admittedly started to develop feelings for him. I know this is wrong and I never thought I’d be in this situation. I’ve tried not to like him, but we spend 9-5 5 days a week in the same team, working closely together, even sat next to each other. I don’t think it’s all me that has just developed this crush either... He seems to feel the same way, but I’m not sure which is why I’m posting this question.
It started to intensify when he started finding reasons to talk to me at work (ANY excuse - things he could find out himself or from others). When I go for lunch (we can pick what time), he gets up 5 minutes after to go for lunch and sits by me. I arrive later to work and leave later - he has changed his hours to do the same. Which also means we do the long walk from the car park to our office in and out of work together every day, spending more time together. It also means we drive the same way home together too for about 30 miles, following each other. We also end up staying very late - until about 6.30pm just chatting in the car park for an extra hour.
In our office, we all have each other’s phone numbers as we have a group chat. One day soon after I started, he made some excuse to start a separate chat with me and since then we talk more and more via text after work. We now text almost every night, on and off all night. We regularly text until 3am, and he texts me a lot more at night. I’ve tried to stop texting him as much (as I know all this is wrong with him being married), but he nearly always initiates the texts. He then double texts me if I don’t reply for a while to keep the conversation going. When it gets really late, he then doesn’t reply to ensure he can continue the conversation the next day. He also asks me a lot of questions, so I have to reply to answer them.
He’s a really nice guy and thoughtful, and will remember the smallest detail I mention to him. He seems to have a genuine interest in my life. Even silly things like if I mention I’m getting my hair cut at the weekend, he will text me on the day and say ‘you were getting your hair cut today weren’t you - let’s see some photos then!’.
Therefore, overall although he is ‘my type’, I originally thought ‘don’t go there - he’s married’. But I feel like he’s given me these signs that he’s interested, and has talked to me a lot and intensified the relationship, which is why I now have developed these feelings. For example, I feel like a guy wouldn’t be that interested in what a female coworker’s hair looks like, unless he sort of fancied them - it’s more what you would ask your girlfriend. And why does he stay late at work every night just to stand and chat to me, instead of going home to his wife and daughter? He even says his dinner is always cold when he gets in, but then he will still stay late and talk. When he and his wife went on a weekend away for their anniversary, I purposely didn’t text. But he initiated a conversation and kept texting me.
He is a nice guy and I wouldn’t think he would cheat on his wife. He’s never said let’s meet up or tried to kiss me or anything, and I’d never do that. However, I feel like he is flirting and stringing me along. I’m putting my life on hold as I do like him, secretly hoping it could work. But then I think, am I just imagining all of this - is it just him being friendly and a nice guy?
Him and his wife don’t seem well suited from what he has said. She got pregnant when they were young (early 20s) and it sounds like it sort of trapped him as he’s a nice guys and wouldn’t have wanted to leave her on her own. She then quit work to look after the child full time, which I know annoys him as it results in money troubles for them when she could easily work.
I also don’t want to be stuck in this ‘flirtation’ cycle, where he flirts all day at work with me, kinda like I’m his ‘work wife’, then goes home to the security of his house and family, then texts me when she’s not looking or has gone to bed. He then gets the best of both worlds. All the while, I’m tied up on him and not interested in any other guys that give me attention. I’ve tried hard not to like him but it’s difficult as we spend so much time together at work. I’ve never felt a bond as strong as I feel our’s is.
I wouldn’t want to confront him about this as it would make it very awkward at work. I feel it should come from him, as he is the married one.
I’m sorry this is a long story, but I wanted to give all the details to help you hopefully help me with an answer! I do like him, even though I know I shouldn’t. I don’t know if he likes me though, or if this is all just in my head? And if he does, would he really leave his wife? Thanks for any responses x