Unexploded bomb in my head

[Misty9]

That's how I've been feeling all week since i decided dh and I should separate. We've been trying to make things better for years and I just don't want to try any more two dc 5 and 7 who will obviously be confused and upset. I'm planning to talk to dh this evening and, as it's not fair to talk to friends until we've spoken, I guess I'm posting for a handhold and to put my thoughts somewhere.

My heart is breaking at the future we won't have but I can't stay feeling like this for another few years. I'm planning to move out and we will share care of the dc. We almost split up last summer so talked about a bit of this, and dh has always done his half of the parenting. He earns way more than me though.

I feel sick but got to go and have dinner now and then do bedtime etc. Then The Talk.

Thanks for asking @Moffa
I'm better today (who knows what tomorrow will be like though?! ) as I've been around to contain the kids a bit more (I work more at the beginning of the week). Tuesday was a real low point! It looks like we've agreed a figure for spousal maintenance and I'm feeling less bitter and angry so that will definitely help. I keep talking about it to the kids so it gives them space to ask any questions, and I'm calling it 2nd home rather than mum's/dad's house otherwise it implies they have no home

I feel quietly hopeful about the future. Dealing with other people's reactions is quite draining but my friends are being so amazing. I'd recommend the book mum and dad glue for any kids of separating parents. Ds is clinging to that story and really using it to help him process what's going on (that you can't glue your parents back together).

You're planning to leave at Easter aren't you moffa? How are you feeling?

intentsandporpoises have you had any legal advice yet?

Oh Misty it does sound up and down but it’s all progress & im glad to hear you’re feeling hopeful.

I’ve been doing all sorts of thinking. I was planning to just leave a note & move out while he is away but it’s been helpful having therapy & seeing a solicitor as you get to see things from a different viewpoint.

I’m now wondering if I can try and broach the subject of separating with him to test the water. If he’s aggressive I can back down & revert to plan A but if not maybe we can have a more civilised separation?

I keep finding myself feeling very sad about being ‘alone’ which is so silly as I’m alone anyway. It isn’t a relationship with any love or affection and I think he’s worn out my love for him with his behaviour.

Thanks for the book recommendation - will get that.

The main problem is I have NO idea how he is going to react?! I need to grow some balls & bite the bullet! Easier said than done!

You & Amicrazy are my heroes! X

Hi Misty. Just wanted to say I've been walking around with the bomb for months. Was going to wait until next year but it spilled out yesterday. Similar situation and I just feel sick for having done this and terrified for the future. Hopefully I can get some courage from you all.

Bloody hell @got2bebrave I'm impressed at your self restraint to keep it in for months! Does it feel better to have shared it with your partner? How did they respond? I started a thread for those of us in the same boat so come and join us

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3531439-Leaving-dh-anyone-else-in-this-boat-and-want-to-support-each-other

Thanks. I've joined you on there x