RELATIONSHIP

[MARYMAN]

My wife does not want to have sex anymore and I totally accept this now. I have read that female led relationships can work well and I am keen. I suggested a Downton Abbey Day where I had to do any jobs requested and thoroughly enjoyed it, my wife was reluctant as she didn't understand it but has agreed to do another one soon. How do I convince her that I am genuine and want to do this going forwards.

Tell her?

What is a Downton Abbey Day? And a female led relationship?
Not being sarky. I genuinely don't know and too lazy to google

A sphincter says what?

Your wife doesn't want to have sex, so you're going to make her giver you a list of jobs to do instead?!

Can you not just to the jobs that need doing and stop being so utterly infantile?

If you're trying to turn your relationship into some kind of kink D/s dynamic, you really need to actually talk about it frankly. Is she actually interested in that at all?

Eh?

Female led relationship is where the woman makes the decisions, it was always me

Is your wife called Mary ?

Of course not

Have you considered sharing the decisions? That's normally considered the best way to have a healthy relationship.

Why do you want a relationship where ahe always makes the decisions? Dont you realise this will become exhausting and draining for her?
Why cant you just do jobs that need doing?
Whats this got to do with sex?!

I'm so confused.

The sex is related because she says she is unhappy about her weight and appearance so reading various articles the FLR is away of building confidence, I still work so seen as the breadwinner etc

I'm going to guess there's an as yet unknown different underlying problem here, not just that she's not happy with her weight or appearance?

I think we have a man who gets off on being pushed around, here.

You appear to be viewing this as a problem that needs to be fixed. She's a human being. You need to have proper conversations as equals. The fact that you are the 'breadwinner' is totally irrelevant - she is not your subordinate. Let her talk to you, and really listen to what she says.

Does she get to spank you with a carpet beater in full downton attire? If so, go for it.

How do all these add up? Perhaps I'm slow 🤷‍♀️

MumsyJ I'm not getting the link either

Perhaps you have a point and there is no link, if I had the answers I wouldn't be asking. I think since she left work as a teacher she feels a bit useless and I was thinking that giving her control would be stimulating but don't know. Maybe it's depression, she is going to see the doctor but that will just be happy pills.

In other words, being dominatrix turns her on? Is this what you're trying to initiate to arouse her sexually?

Why not just talk to her to find out the root cause of whatever you think is going on? I reckon she needs your support more than your confusing sexual tricks you're plotting.

Anyone want to offer me some advice on my relationship. Being together over 10 years, we have 2 children one just 3 months old. Our sexual relationships has always being a struggle. But it has got worse. He tuts during sex if my hair touches his face or if I want to go on top He does not like physical contact and also does not offer any, in fact he pulls away if I touch him. If I want sex we have to fight about it. He even tuts during sex, like if my hair falls in his face or if I want to go on top, he has even commented A few times that I’m heavy, this is all during sex. He won’t allow me to guide him to where I like being touched again he tuts and pulls his hand away and tells me he doesn’t like that (i would rather someone letting me know what they like) I have been married before and this was never an issue in my previous relationship. My current husband wants to fix it but I’m not sure how we can. Every time he comes near me I know it’s the ‘pity ride’ which makes me mad and I just don’t want to do it. I have lost my confidence 😒 I spent last night on couch as I just can not bare to sleep beside him. As I know he’s trying and it’s not what I want, I want the lust not the pity.

I agree with Mumsy. The most likely scenario her is that she has put on abit of weight so feels less attractive and her libido has dropped as a result. This needs an honest chat and reassurances about the future not top hats, mob caps and silver salvers surely?
Giving her more mental load/decisions is unlikely to improve things I imagine but I am confused generally by your post so...

Melo2019, there is a mis match with your sexual desires and in many ways this is/was the case with my wife, she was always reluctant to have sex and then in recent years has completely refused it using her weight as a general excuse. I have tried many times to discuss the situation but without success. It is true to say that her current issue of being depressed is nothing to do with the sexual side of our relationship however I guess I can hope that if she gets back to her happier self there will always be a chance? The logic for asking her to make more household decisions is that with the children long gone and a lot of free time she can use her skills to take charge. I suggested the other day for the first time that she could give me a list of jobs that needed doing, she was quite surprised and suggested it was a prank. I said go and treat yourself to some new shoes/handbag and I will complete the jobs, which I did, so when she returned the house was spotless and the washing done. I suggested another day in the next few weeks and she seemed to warm to the idea. So no its nothing about me expecting her to be a dominatrix or I wanting to be spanked its all about getting her back to a happy position.

You sound patronising and controlling. How about regularly doing jobs without being told, not just a day every few weeks? Also treating herself to a new handbag???? So she couldn't do this without your permission?
Oh dear. I think it's going to take more than this to change things round. I think you need to stop living in the 1950's first.
I also think you've set yourself up for a roasting on here!