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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I a mug

35 replies

Vickster1977 · 01/03/2019 17:37

So here goes , I've recently found out my boyfriend of nearly 4 years has been hiding all of his debts from me and not telling me the whole truth . We have sat down together I have gotten out a loan to help him consolidate everything that he has to pay me back every month starting next month for 2 years, he says hes sorry blah blah blah and I need to start to trust him again !!!!! and that every extra penny hes got he will give to me for the loan .Anyway I cant help but get the feeling I'm being a mug as he got paid yesterday and is already in the pub drinking whilst I sit here thinking he could be saving that money towards his loan . My head is spinning with what's gonna happen over the next few months etc whilst its feels like he doesnt have a care in the world. I have thrown him out of my house as he isn't on the mortgage etc and we dont have any kids together . I just dont know where to go from here ??? .

OP posts:
2019willbegreat · 01/03/2019 17:40

I think you can forget getting the money back for a start. You've tried to do a nice thing but sadly I think he sees you as a mug and you will regret if.

ElspethFlashman · 01/03/2019 17:41

You took out a loan in YOUR name?

For a man's debts??

Omg.

Can you cancel it?

Thingsdogetbetter · 01/03/2019 17:43

You have made yourself responsible for a loan in your name and left yourself in a very weak position. Have you anything in writing that he has agreed to pay you back? If not I'd get something legal signed asap (ie agreement in front of witnesses who will also sign.

What will happen if he refuses? He can claim it was a gift if he decides to be a bastard.

ChakiraChakra · 01/03/2019 17:45

Why do people do this?? If I had £1 for every person I read about on MN who took a loan in their name for their partner then had trouble getting them to pay it...

Get a written agreement - even texting him about him it so that he replies acknowledging the debt is his, and then go see if a solicitor or debt management company will take it on.

Original poster
Vickster1977 · 01/03/2019 17:45

Yes we have a legal document drawn up and signed by a witness etc .

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 01/03/2019 17:47

Big mistake. Huge. You are not the first and you won't be the last to be suckered in by a feckless man though.

When was the loan taken out ? Are you still within the cooling off period ?

TomorrowsPrincess · 01/03/2019 18:01

I think your problem is you've taken out a loan for someone you don't trust!!!!!

YogaWannabe · 01/03/2019 18:03

Oh my god, I can’t belive anyone would do this.
OP, terrible move. Is there any way of getting out of it?

EhlanaOfElenia · 01/03/2019 18:03

He might be sorry, but you don't need to start trusting him, he needs to start EARNING your trust!

Orange6904 · 01/03/2019 18:04

Why was it your responsibility to cover the debts? Like anyfuckers says is there a cooling off period?

PickAChew · 01/03/2019 18:07

Yes, you might as well tattoo it on your forehead.

If you'd run this past MN beforehand, you know exactly what the response would have been.

lilybetsy · 01/03/2019 18:10

Why did you do this ? Did he ask you to ? are you afraid of him ? if you ring him right now and asking him why hes drinking n the pub instead of repaying YOUR loan what would he say ? I would cancel it if you possibly can, or you will never see that money again

toddman70 · 01/03/2019 18:30

Is it a third party loan, or just a drawn up loan between you and him?

averystrangeweek · 01/03/2019 18:59

OMG. How much money have you let yourself in for here?

BumbleBeee69 · 01/03/2019 19:09

Yes OP you are a Mug Flowers

category12 · 01/03/2019 19:16

"What is a personal loan cooling-off period? You have a 14-day cooling-off period from either the date the loan agreement is signed or when you receive a copy of the agreement, whichever is later. If you cancel, you have up to 30 days to repay the money."

Are you in time?

Hellohappy · 01/03/2019 19:17

How much are we talking?

JayneyMc4 · 01/03/2019 19:21

You have thrown him out the house? How are you still a couple? He's got no commitment to you, I don't think you'll see your £££. If you can cancel the loan, get the funds stoped : do it. Do not keep this relationship going if it's purely in the hope of him repaying you.

SparklySneakers · 01/03/2019 19:33

Seriously? Ffs. I wish schools and parents would include lessons/advice about things like this in adolescence so that people don't get themselves into these messes.

MumsyJ · 01/03/2019 19:36

Yup OP, you are a mug and Mr now realises he can go to the pub on payday without prioritising his repayment. You shouldn't have gone that extra mile.

C0untDucku1a · 01/03/2019 19:38

Omg.

Hayden555 · 01/03/2019 19:40

How much is the loan?

Scott72 · 01/03/2019 19:46

"We have sat down together I have gotten out a loan to help him consolidate everything that he has to pay me back every month starting next month for 2 years"

I've seen people do this for friends and even family, both male and female, and it never gets paid back. Lending money to anyone is just a bad idea.

"Yes we have a legal document drawn up and signed by a witness etc"

How will this make it any easier to get the money back off him? Fundamentally he is irresponsible, which is why he has had so many problems with money in the first place. Probably you'll wind up having to write the loan off as getting repayments out of him will just be too much trouble.
.

Hellohappy · 01/03/2019 19:46

You lent him money and have kicked him out?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 01/03/2019 19:49

How much is the loan? Unfortunately yes you are an utter mug, agreement or not I doubt you will get that money back