Am I a mug

[Vickster1977]

So here goes , I've recently found out my boyfriend of nearly 4 years has been hiding all of his debts from me and not telling me the whole truth . We have sat down together I have gotten out a loan to help him consolidate everything that he has to pay me back every month starting next month for 2 years, he says hes sorry blah blah blah and I need to start to trust him again !!!!! and that every extra penny hes got he will give to me for the loan .Anyway I cant help but get the feeling I'm being a mug as he got paid yesterday and is already in the pub drinking whilst I sit here thinking he could be saving that money towards his loan . My head is spinning with what's gonna happen over the next few months etc whilst its feels like he doesnt have a care in the world. I have thrown him out of my house as he isn't on the mortgage etc and we dont have any kids together . I just dont know where to go from here ??? .

Oh dear.

Sweet Jesus.

Please say you are in cooling off period and cancel the loan?

This cannot be real. No one is this stupid.

Remember the Small Claims Court. You will need it.

If you'd run this past MN beforehand, you know exactly what the response would have been

And we all know exactly what the replies would have been.

Oh he’d never do that, I trust him

He said that once the debt is cleared, we’ll get married

He has me listed as his next of kin so it’s all above board

His ex also took out a loan for him but she was a psycho so he didn’t pay her back

You'll never get that money.

Worse, he knows you think you cannot dump him because then you will have to accept that you'll never get it back. That's why he's in the pub. He has you by the short and curlies.

He can refill those credit cards now. After all, his credit rating just went right up because he repaid his debts and has no more debts. Nice.

Has he got any assets you can claim? Property, cars, equipment?

Has he given you any money? Surely he'd do a standing order for you every month?

Your head is spinning now? What were your thoughts when you agreed to this?

While living with you, he his all of his debts and lied to you. The very second you learned this, you knew that he was an untrustworthy, bad bet. Yet you chose to sabotage your financial future by taking responsibility for his debts and hoping that he would transform into a reliable man.

Are you actually surprised that he is now blowing his money instead of repaying you? That is his pattern, and you have reinforced it.

Maybe he will repay, or maybe you will write it off and hopefully learn from this experience.

However it turns out, you need the support of counseling to build your self-esteem and learn to set boundaries. You may have difficulty saying no or have a need to please others. You can learn to change your responses to others.

he hid all of his debts

Also, if you are easily manipulated by controlling people, counseling would teach coping strategies to help you safeguard and make better decisions.