Explaining affair to 7yo?

[Ginname]

A couple close to us are breaking up due to an affair. The person who has had the affair is a relative, kids involved. It has been going on a long time and is still continuing. A lot of lies have been told, affecting me and other family members, so the impact is not just limited to the couple and many people are hurt.

I have to decide what to tell my 7yo. Options I can see are:
A: X and y are breaking up as they don't get on/don't love each other anymore
B: X and y are breaking up because X has been going out with someone else
C: X and y are breaking up. If asked, I don't know why, but there are lots of reasons people break up. Discuss some examples including affairs.

Relatives want me to go with A, which is what the kids of the couple breaking up have been told. I am not comfortable about this as I feel sooner or later the truth is likely to come out and it will be clear that I have not been honest. Also my DC is likely to notice that certain family members are not speaking/on bad terms and I feel I need to give some sort of explanation.

B feels a bit brutal and runs the risk of my DC then spreading the news far and wide. But at least it is honest and allows us to talk about why people are hurt.

C is what I am tempted to do, but I feel it may be difficult to sustain as DC likes to ask lots of questions and might ask me to find out why. I suppose I could just say it isn't our business.

If anyone else has dealt with a similar situation I would really like to hear how you handled it. As background, DC is already aware of family breakups and sometimes asks if DP and I will break up, so I need to deal with this in a way that won't make them more anxious. Thank you.

I agree with PP. My SIL (DH's sister) had an affair a few years ago. She left her husband and now has a baby with the other man. We just told our children that SIL and BIL had split up but still loved their cousins etc. They don't care and have accepted the new situation easily. I imagine at some point in the future they will find out about the affair but don't feel they will think we lied as don't see any reason why they needed to know that level of detail at young ages.

Why would you discuss an affair with a 7 year old? Why would they need to know anything about an affair somebody else had?

I haven’t read all the replies but my exh had an affair and we didn’t tell them that’s why we were separating. We said that we just didn’t make each other happy anymore but still loved them, etc. They were 10 and 11.
I expect they will ask more questions at some point and exh is still with the ow so I have told him that I won’t lie if they ask but I won’t be offering up the information that their father is a lying, cheating excuse for a human being and broke their mum’s heart. Our relationship is our relationship...theirs with their dad is a different matter and I don’t want to ruin that with the truth.

I think response a is most appropriate, especially as it’s not their parents.

There is absolutely no need to involve a child in relatives affair drama. Telling a child about affairs is just using the child.

Your child isn't your friend. You want to chat affairs and adult relationships, you get on the phone to a friend.

@TennesseeWhiskey

A valid point. I rescind my previous statement. A is the best option then.
Someone else suggested also adding that it's none of their business as to why.

All of which could have been said quite clearly with just a simple 'I'm not sure that's the best idea...' instead of 'What the fuck?!'

"A " minimizes the affair but prevents your child disclosing to the kids. It's not necessary for your child to know right now although they may find out in time in which case you can explain it's not really their business as they weren't betrayed plus you didn't want to tell your child to keep a secret as that's unfair.

All of which could have been said quite clearly with just a simple 'I'm not sure that's the best idea...' instead of 'What the fuck?!'

Point taken. However that's generally how I talk. I didn't mean offence.

Tell your son what the children of the divorcing couple have been told.

Make sure you reassure your son that even though this couple no longer love each other they still love their children and they are still the children's parents, and that the children will still see them both and spend time with them, and they will always be mummy and daddy for the children. This is something your son will likely be bothered about, not the details of the marriage breakdown.

It is very important that you put the children first in this and resist your temptation to wade in bearing the banner of Truth. The relationship of the children with both parents is not yours to destroy, and you would risk doing that if you told your son something that eventually got back to the children.

Just day they are separating because they haven't been getting on