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Original poster

How can I help a far-right family member?

35 replies

ConcernedCousin2019 · 28/02/2019 18:53

Please don't flame me. I am just looking for some practical advice. I am a regular but have namechanged.

One of my cousins is 32. I will call him Callum, but this isn't his real name. Callum was diagnosed with Aspergers around 5 years ago. He lives independently and makes a decent living in the video games industry. He works mostly online.

Most of the family don't have any time for Callum because he is very right wing and racist. Every time he is invited to a family event, he gets into an argument with someone. One of our other cousins had an abortion three years ago as she was having a high-risk pregnancy. Callum will no longer speak to her and slags her off to anyone that listens.

He is very involved in the far right movement. He goes to a lot of marches and protests. He isn't ashamed of his views at all. A lot of his opinions are hateful and racist.

My problem is that I want to help Callum. I realize that he doesn't sound like a nice person. However, I think that he has been sucked into the far-right movement. They accept him as he is and let him say whatever he wants. If they didn't, he wouldn't be there, I don't think. He doesn't have any friends except for other far-righters. He doesn't have a girlfriend and never has (for more than a few weeks).

I am one of the only people that will listen to him (but I do tell him off when he steps out of line). Callum isn't happy, and I don't think he will be until he gets professional help. I have asked Callum to get counselling and speak to his GP. He refuses.

Does anyone have any practical solutions? Callum does listen to me, but he is reluctant to do any of my suggestions.

OP posts:
Tomtontom · 28/02/2019 18:57

Do you think he has been groomed/ manipulated? They've preyed on his vulnerability by offering supposed friendship? Or is he inherently an unpleasant person?

sar302 · 28/02/2019 19:07

Unfortunately, as much as I despise right wing views, people are entitled to hold them. The aspergers May be contributing to a lack of flexible thinking - like all abortions are wrong, and therefore your cousin is wrong. And also an inability to understand the view points of others - therefore cutting off people who disagree with him, rather than being able to debate the issue. But unless you are concerned about him being vulnerable to grooming as PP has said, he's entitled to hold those views, and people are entitled to dislike him because of it.

I'm not sure anyone can be counselled out of racism - or really in a free world, whether they should be? Although life would probably be nicer if that was possible. I suppose all you can do is what you might try for anyone else - expose them to alternative view points where possible, but accept that they have their own. If he is willing to listen to you, then you might be able to support him to change - but only if he wants too.

Original poster
ConcernedCousin2019 · 28/02/2019 19:46

Thanks.

Yes, I agree that he’s entitled to his views. My concern is that all Callum has is the far-right. They are his family. He thinks that they’re the only ones who understand him. Callum seems to think that his real family have some kind of conspiracy against him, which isn’t the case.

I know that he helps local far-right groups with his computer skills for free, so he’s definitely useful to them.

I just want him to see that his life doesn’t have to be this way. He could do better, but he needs to improve his attitude towards others first. Sad

OP posts:
sar302 · 28/02/2019 20:51

Is he classed as a vulnerable person? Does he have a support worker / social worker?

NotTheFordType · 28/02/2019 20:59

Is he a VA?

handmademitlove · 28/02/2019 21:04

If you feel that he has been radicalised as a vulnerable adult then you can talk to your local PREVENT officer - call 101 and ask for their contact details. They are there to prevent extremism - of all kinds. They will be able to point you in the right direction. Have a look at this

Original poster
ConcernedCousin2019 · 28/02/2019 21:32

I don't know if he's classed as a vulnerable adult, but I don't think he would be. He has high-functioning autism. He has always worked, never needed benefits. He has his own house and car too.

I don't think he will ever directly act on his prejudices. He has never been in a fight and is scared of violence from what I can gather. He can get aggressive though, which is why most of the family avoid him. Most won't let him near their kids, which has further pushed him away.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 28/02/2019 21:43

I think your best bet is to go through PREVENT. I don’t know the process but it’s possibly something that could be flagged up with his GP or another health professional to make a referral. I know in some areas (like where my SIL works in the NHS), the vast majority of their referrals are for far right extremism. If that goes nowhere, apart from staying close to him and having thoughtful open minded conversations with him (if you can or even want to?), there’s probably not much you can do. While its possible to deprogramme people from extremist ideology, it’s much harder to address this more subtle and causal racism and prejudice because it’s so much more normalised.

2019willbegreat · 28/02/2019 21:52

@minutopia....Was about to say the same. I work for large public sector organisation and the head of security tells us the far right movement is currently a bigger threat to most than any other terrorist group. They totally get that the "vulnerable" (Not in the legal sense but in the bit of a loner sense, new to university, struggling to fit in kind of thing) are targeted So there is a lot of understanding and trying to help as opposed to punishment. Good on you for trying to help him through this

ShadyLady53 · 28/02/2019 23:12

This is very common amongst young, isolated adult males (and I actually know a couple of females too) in the gaming community. From the man and woman I know that this has been the case with recently, I personally feel they were groomed via gaming and 4Chan/8Chan.

I’m not sure what the answer with but definitely thing more work needs to be done with de-radicalisation type programmes. Does prevent apply to the far right?

PineapplePower · 28/02/2019 23:20

Can’t family gatherings be a neutral political space? Is the problem that Callum wants to argue politics and everyone else is tired of it?

I sympathise, as I have a family member like this, only on the far left (antifa aggressively “bash the fash” type) and he won’t shut up about his views. I literally cannot stand to be in the same room with him when he goes on (and on and on) about it, because he doesn’t understand that everyone else is bored or doesn’t want to engage.

I don’t have any good solutions other than to put the kibosh on any political discussions. It’s difficult, and I suspect that family members has undiagnosed mental illness.

Bubblegumgal · 28/02/2019 23:21

When you talk to him OP do you question him about his views? There are so many holes and hypocrisies in extreme ideologies I find it difficult to comprehend how anyone intelligent could follow them.

MitziK · 28/02/2019 23:26

PREVENT applies to all potential terrorist activity, so yes, Far Right ideology definitely falls inside its remit (so does environmentalism/Animal Rights).

He doesn't sound particularly vulnerable, but that's my (uninformed) opinion. He might, however, be involved in things that are far more serious than being the Racist Uncle at family gatherings, so it's definitely better to report than think 'oh, I can help him see the error of his ways', as then experts can see exactly what he is involved in and whether he is a risk to the extent of facilitating active terrorism - or just an unpleasant person who happens to have an autism diagnosis.

Scott72 · 01/03/2019 05:21

"He doesn't have a girlfriend and never has (for more than a few weeks)."
'For more than a few weeks'. So he has actually had girlfriends.

"I think your best bet is to go through PREVENT"
Placing him on a government watchlist as a potential terrorist? That will do more harm than good. OP, you have to accept there's not much more you can do for him. I'm sure you've made it well known to him how much you and the rest of the family disagree with him. If he continues to make an ass of himself at family gatherings, don't hesitate to ask him to leave or maybe stop inviting him.

ColeHawlins · 01/03/2019 05:38

because he doesn’t understand that everyone else is bored or doesn’t want to engage

That can be a trait of HFA too, BTW, whatever the topic. I realise you're not the OP and it's a different young man.

ColeHawlins · 01/03/2019 05:40

OP do you think he would engage with adult autism services?

AgentJohnson · 01/03/2019 06:15

In the nicest possible way, he doesn’t want ‘saving’. He doesn’t share your values, end of.

Original poster
ConcernedCousin2019 · 01/03/2019 13:05

I agree that he is entitled to his views.

However, as far as I know, I’m the only non-far-right person who talks to him. That isn’t healthy. I think he needs to expand his social circle in order to progress himself.

He isn’t happy and never has been. He has told me many times. He blames his unhappiness on his autism and family rifts, which I don’t think are the main problems. Sad

OP posts:
Littletabbyocelot · 01/03/2019 13:19

Prevent isn't about placing someone on a watch list it's about identifying people who are at risk of being radicalised enough to commit crime and putting support in place. Really active support.

MamaDane · 01/03/2019 13:22

Can you perhaps find a person who used to be far right, who came back from it?

Original poster
ConcernedCousin2019 · 01/03/2019 17:17

That’s a good idea Dane. I wonder where I could find someone like that though? Are there groups for this sort of thing?

OP posts:
MamaDane · 01/03/2019 18:31

I think it may be worth googling or perhaps put a post on reddit (add the serious tag). Often people are helpful.

MitziK · 01/03/2019 18:35

Surprisingly enough, that's one of the things that PREVENT can arrange. It's not all throwing them in prison and chucking away the key.

Adults with Autism are a perfect target for extremists of all varieties - and have resulted in quite a few acts of terrorism, including a couple of bombs (one, IIRC, only failed because of a mistake made in the detonator). Notifying the MASH team for his area (Multi Agency Safeguarding Hub) means that he could potentially be protected (or that any already criminal acts are discovered).

It's known that people with an ASD diagnosis are overrepresented in Lone Actor attacks - but, possibly due to the types of jobs they tend towards, they can also be involved in a lot of online/behind the scenes activities. The MASH/PREVENT teams are well aware that people with ASD are targetted/groomed and would take it into consideration.

'Doing more harm than good' doesn't really apply when doing nothing could result in anything up to and, sadly, including, setting off bombs on the Underground.

Scott72 · 01/03/2019 19:03

If he's actually involved in a criminal group, then go with this 'PREVENT' group. But whatever organization he's involved with probably isn't criminal. And I could see all sorts of negative repercussions from doing this that could hurt his employability, ability to travel, etc.

Coronapop · 01/03/2019 19:08

TBH it sounds as though you are wasting your time and he has no incentive to change. His attitude to the poor woman who had a termination is appalling. If he kept his views to himself it would not be quite as bad but from your post he doesn't. He is responsible for his own alienation.