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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DSS16 sleeping in same bedroom as DD7

33 replies

sunshiney78 · 28/02/2019 00:58

Hello. Was wondering what people think of this. My DD7 goes to her dad and partner’s house EOW. He co-ordinates the weekends to have his son, 16 there on the same weekend, and sees nothing wrong with him as DD7 sharing a bedroom.
I have suggested having them on alternate w/ends most of the time so that he can do age specific things with them; and so that DD doesn’t have to make a 3hr round trip with exh to fetch and drop his DS.

OP posts:
Original poster
sunshiney78 · 28/02/2019 01:00

I should clarify, his son 16, was from his first marriage. Our DD7 was from second marriage (to me). And he now lives with new partner.

OP posts:
Mrskeats · 28/02/2019 01:01

I would not be happy

ineedaholidaynow · 28/02/2019 01:03

I can’t imagine the son is too happy about the sleeping arrangements either.

YouBumder · 28/02/2019 01:03

He’s her half brother though, not a step brother?

I think it’s not so bad as they are actual half blood siblings as if they were just step brother and sister, but it’s not ideal and she should have her own space.

OpiesOldLady · 28/02/2019 01:04

No. NO. No no no.

Definitely not.

Speaking as someone with vast experience of the worst case scenario here, please do not let this continue.

Original poster
sunshiney78 · 28/02/2019 01:06

Thank you. I’m biased as I’ve experienced sexual abuse as a child, so needed some impartial advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
sunshiney78 · 28/02/2019 01:08

by a an older first cousin

OP posts:
Kaleela · 28/02/2019 01:08

A thousand times no. It's not appropriate. You don't need reasons or justifications. Just flat out no.

YouBumder · 28/02/2019 01:09

I suspect your ex just likes making things easier for him so he gets some time off, should have thought of that before having children with different women!

Candidsugar · 28/02/2019 01:25

Definitely no.

Desmondo2016 · 28/02/2019 01:29

I wouldn't be happy with this. I imagine at 16 the boy is probably choosing to see his dad and could equally choose not to, so I'm guessing he wants to and would therefore be happy to bed down on the sofa or something.

Sally2791 · 28/02/2019 06:24

No, not ok

Whereareyouspot · 28/02/2019 06:27

Your experience gives you perfect understanding of why this isn’t ok.

Whereareyouspot · 28/02/2019 06:27

Plus privacy and dignity for both.
Teenage boys aren’t known for their subtlety when it comes to certain things.

MsHopey · 28/02/2019 06:28

He needs to sort out the housing situation as I don't think they should be sharing and pretty sure neither of them would want to.
I don't think it's fair to have them separate weekends as it would be depriving both of them of having a relationship with their half sibling.

LaughingCow99 · 28/02/2019 06:34

Absolutely no way.

MumsyJ · 28/02/2019 06:37

He's 16 and will be happy to sleep on the sofa.... Maybe he should get a sofa bed in the living room or get a bigger place?

I know of someone's 15yrs old son sleeping on the sofa whilst his new partner's DD sleeps in the bedroom, why not a 16yr old? I won't be comfortable with the sleeping arrangement.

Piccolino2 · 28/02/2019 07:23

Absolutely not and I say this as someone who has not suffered sexual abuse but I have 2 young daughters. Personally I would not be allowing her to stay over until he had sorted the sleep situation. Absolutely and totally inappropriate all round.

ReaganSomerset · 28/02/2019 07:35

No, no, no. Unlikely anything would happen, but it's not a good position to put the son in anyway.

JFDIJFDIJFDI · 28/02/2019 11:54

It’s wrong... you know that.

Quartz2208 · 28/02/2019 12:02

two separate things

THem sharing a room is not appropriate and he does need to sort this out

However having them on separate weekends is in effect splitting siblings and should be only if they cannot sort sleeping arrangements

ErickBroch · 28/02/2019 12:19

You already posted the exact same thread before, including the responses. Why are you asking again OP?

Original poster
sunshiney78 · 28/02/2019 13:55

ErikBroch this is the first time I’ve posted. Tried searching first for similar threads and couldn’t find anything.

OP posts:
SparklySneakers · 28/02/2019 14:03

I've read this before too.

Orangeday · 28/02/2019 14:06

Please don’t let this situation go on.