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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My ex told me im not good enough for him

31 replies

workisrubbish1710 · 26/02/2019 11:31

I’m so upset now I’m ranting. Basically I met my ex last night, it blew up into a massive massive argument. We spilt up because we kept arguing,he got a girl straight away. I’m not going to lie that hurt but I kept it moving. He had been trying to contact me previously but I kept avoiding his calls.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago he got in contact, saying he still loved me, his girl was nothing for him so and so forth. He kinda kept calling as if we were friends. He asked me if he changed would I be with him?

I kinda brushed it all off, he fell off contacting me so I just said basically don’t call me, we want different things, he ignored that.

Tuesday I get a call from him saying we can’t be together, his life and work make it very hard to have a relationship, blah blah blah. I kept getting calls in between that phone call so he got mad and put the phone down.
He called me back to ask me to screenshot my call list, he said he is my man and he loves me and always will. I dismissed everything he said. Last night he asked to see me as he knew I was out with a male friend. I met him mistakenly and it turned into a huge fight. He basically told me I don’t fit his criteria for a girlfriend, he made a mistake on talking to me again, he doesn’t want me, I don’t make him happy, he has no feelings for me. To say I’m hurt would be an understatement, we’ve been broken up6 months, why the fuck would he keep trying to contact me? When I’m not good enough for him? All I have been doing is crying

OP posts:

wishywashy6 · 26/02/2019 11:34

Why are still talking to him? Block him, move forward. He's an ex for a reason and he sounds like a bit of a tosser

BricksInTheWall · 26/02/2019 11:34

Block him and move on. Has obviously been keeping you on the backburner. There's no going back now he's made his feelings clear so the kindest thing you can do for yourself would be to remove any power he has over you, block, chin up and find someone isn't a complete dick when the time is right.

⚘

JenMumma · 26/02/2019 11:36

You sound lovely, and if anything TOO GOOD for him. What a prize dick. You need to calm down and realise what he's doing, he's a game player. Asking you to screenshot call list ? And you DID? Wtf ?!
That's his way of seeing if he can still get you to do what he wants, and he can. You need to check out one of those boyfriend recovery websites and stick to it. Go completely coldly turkey and ignore ignore ignore !!! Come back here if you feel weak !!!
The reason why he's checking back in after 6months is because he likes to keep his options open. Hope you're ok and please don't cry xx

MargoLovebutter · 26/02/2019 11:39

You don't need to let this man mess with your head anymore, as your relationship is over.

Please go no contact in whatever way you possibly can. It is tempting to be drawn back in, a bit like picking a particularly juicy scab, but that just opens up the wounds again.

He is in your past now and your future looks much better without him in it.

Original poster

workisrubbish1710 · 26/02/2019 11:47

Jenmumma, I'm not sure how to reply. Thank you for that, I don't know why its affected my head so much. Its just really really messed with my head. I'm just questioning whats wrong with me? We were together for 2 years, I don't get why would come back. Well I do he just wanted that control. I just don't understand people. He was my first real love. It sounds sad but I posted here because I wanted advice off mums. My mum died when I was young and I don't have anyone to talk to about this

OP posts:

JenMumma · 26/02/2019 12:10

Aww you poor thing. I'm sorry to hear that. You really really need to be strong now. The first love is the worst to get over but it's just not worth all of this heartbreak and angst, don't for one second think that he doesn't know what he's doing. I think you did the wrong thing in meeting him so soon and for cutting short an evening with a friend as that's exactly what you NEED right now. Lots of distractions and lots of strength. Has he contacted/ you contacted him since? Xx

Original poster

workisrubbish1710 · 26/02/2019 12:16

No I've blocked him again. I know it was a mistake I was drunk, I genuinely thought he loved me. I sound like a loser but it hurts so much. I was moving on and now its made me feel even worse about myself. I really wanted to ask him why he thinks I'm not good enough. I think i'm going to change my number because nothing good will come from this.

OP posts:

Lightofday · 26/02/2019 12:17

Three words: narcissistic personality disorder.

He doesn't want you but he doesn't want you to want or have anyone else. These sorts often try and get us away from new love interests and hate it when our attention is on anyone else too so its interesting that he called you when u were with your mate and he knew. He doesn't only want yo leave you, he wants to leave you BROKEN. Block all contact, and ffs stop answering his calls!

Moralitym1n1 · 26/02/2019 12:36

he got in contact, saying he still loved me, his girl was nothing for him so and so forth

She's dumped him, or the novelty's worn off for him or he saw the grass wasn't greener.

JenMumma · 26/02/2019 12:36

I know it hurst, I really do. Changing your number may help. Alcohol never does, not until you think you're strong enough. How old are you ? Xx

Original poster

workisrubbish1710 · 26/02/2019 12:38

I'm 23, so its my first 'serious relationship' We were together for over a year, then this happened. I also did block all his calls, he called off unknown. He has seriously been trying for MONTHS calling me off unknown. Only to do that.

OP posts:

Lightofday · 26/02/2019 12:38

Well done on blocking him. Oh and these sorts...think everyone is 'not good enough' (and love to let ppl know it). Give it five minutes and he will feel the same about the next women. It isn't really about you or her, its his own underlying... emptiness, that is the issue.

Drum2018 · 26/02/2019 12:40

Maintain your dignity. Block his number, block him on social media. Don't ever speak to him again. If anyone ever mentions his name tell them you are not interested. If he continues to harrass you contact the police. He's a controlling piece of shit.

Moralitym1n1 · 26/02/2019 12:40

He called me back to ask me to screenshot my call list

WHAT!!
Wouldn't be ok if you were together, let alone broken up.

he said he is my man and he loves me and always will.

Except when he tells you 5 mins later that it's not going to work out, and you're not suitable for him, and he's too busy in work for a relationship with you.

Hmm sounds like the :'I'm your man but you're not my (only) woman type.
You dobt get to move in or have anyone else but I do.

He's doing so much flip flopping, back and forwarding and changing his mind that I'm dizzy just reading about it. His head's up his arse (he is also an arse).

Lightofday · 26/02/2019 12:46

Yeah that's mega creepy. Testing to see that he has you whipped by doing that.

Original poster

workisrubbish1710 · 26/02/2019 12:51

He was kind of possessive. Even when I met him on the weekend, my phone was ringing and he was asking me who was ringing me, or why I was smiling to myself. I totally understand he's not a good person or an ideal man. I just keeping thinking it must be me, he wouldn't treat a 'worthy' girl like that. I think he just manipulated me to be in this place now. He knew this would really affect me.

OP posts:

Lightofday · 26/02/2019 13:02

Of course he did, its all a manipulation, he wants you to feel 'not worthy'.

Here's the thing though, not worthy of what? I bet you wouldn't want a friend or a sister to date someone like him right? Or even to have anything to do with him. So why would you think you should?

Stop trying to be good enough for assholes. Be good enough for you and be good to yourself instead!

Don't listen to any more of his mind-f*ckey. You are a nice person, otherwise his sort wouldn't have chose you to shit on.
Be free!

JenniferJareau · 26/02/2019 13:07

I really wanted to ask him why he thinks I'm not good enough.

That way lies madness. It doesn’t matter what he thinks, you know you are good enough. What he thinks does not matter. This is all about his power and control.

Glad you have blocked him. It does hurt but this is for the best

poppingoff · 26/02/2019 13:21

You are more than good enough for someone who is normal and secure. He is neither, so you're not good enough for him because you don't let him control you. That's his criteria. That's no bad thing! It's a very good thing!

I bet your mum wouldn't want you giving this guy another seconds thought.

Lightofday · 26/02/2019 13:28

Plus if you did ask, he'd probably say all the things he knows are your weaknesses/things you don't like about yourself. He doesn't so much think you are not good enough for specific reasons...he just wants you to think you are not good enough, period. So he'll point out your insecurities/weaknesses (perhaps even ones that he created in you to begin with). In order to make you feel like shit. Or it'll be crap like 'you never think about my feelings', 'u never paid me any attention', 'you are passive aggressive' (basically the way he treated YOU being reversed around, think it is called 'projection'). So wonder no more. You wouldn't come out of a convo like that feeling any better about yourself. Just try to leave him in the past, don't go looking for closure or he will use that to draw you back in and mistreat you all over again.

Moralitym1n1 · 26/02/2019 14:07

Even when I met him on the weekend, my phone was ringing and he was asking me who was ringing me, or why I was smiling to myself.

He's a fkg fruit-loop. Be very glad it ended with him.

Also people who are constantly suspicious about their partner's cheating (without good reason) are chronically insecure and obsessive and/or cheat themselves.

Moralitym1n1 · 26/02/2019 14:10

In any case, it's none of his business- you're split, you're not together, and until 2 mins ago - he was actually in a relationship with someone else!!

If he went on like that to her as well, no wonder he's single again.

sonjadog · 26/02/2019 14:36

Make it a rule from now on, if any man ever asks you to photo your call list and sent it to them, then they will have crossed a boundary and are not good enough for you to be with.

CassettesAreCool · 26/02/2019 14:56

Worthy of him? Good enough for him? He's not a prize and you're not in a contest - you're a free agent OP who gets to make her own decisions in every single aspect of her life. Copy of your call list? Asking who you're talking to? Grrrr. This guy is an utter twat and you have dodged a shower of bullets, BUT you must work hard on your boundaries and on what YOU want. Forget that piece of shit.

My heart breaks for you losing your mum

Original poster

workisrubbish1710 · 26/02/2019 17:03

I know, i'm aware theres so much I need to work on. Its really hard, I just expect people to have the same heart as me. I have changed my number now which I was reluctant to do because I wanted him to contact me (before this incident). But I feel better, thank you for the advice I will keep re reading it.

OP posts:

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