DP past criminal behaviour coming to light?

[happytiredmummy]

Would you end it with your DP if you found out he had been done for harassment and had a restraining order against him?

This has happened in two past relationships and he doesn't know that I know.

I'd leave too. Good luck, OP.

OP I've read your other posts under your other name. You know how dangerous he is and your last post yesterday said a charity was working with you because of police involvement, to get yourself out and safe. What has changed that you are once again questioning to leave or stay?

Don't walk. Run.

Is there a way you can end it so that he thinks it was his idea? You might not have to worry about future harassment then.

@forumdonkey I know. I just needed a reality check.

@MadeForThis I've tried that and it doesn't work. I know I need to leave, just so hard when I live with him. Like other poster said, I am trying to get help from a DV charity, but i'm not getting much support.

Re read your other thread, read your own posts. You know what you need to do, come here for support on leaving, you know you need to go, that's not in question

Been there and got the t-shirt. It's not easy, but I guarantee, it'll be worth it

@forumdonkey I know you are right and I keep doing it, but it's so hard. I love this man and I am trying to come to terms with the fact it's all a lie and he is an abusive scum bag. He sold me a lie and I feel for it all. I'm am getting there slowly. I know it's crazy, but reading over these threads is making me realise how awful he is and how even without the abuse his past is enough of a reason to walk away.

That's just the incidents where the police/courts got involved - many people still don't involve them in stuff like this; I imagine there's probably a lot more.

Unfortunately it just sounds too risky.

@happytiredmummy Thank you. I'm glad her story resonated with you. We try to spread it as much as possible to raise awareness of the risks stalking can bring. Her last months were constantly overshadowed with the knowledge that he was there watching her in some way so she was never truly free. She was only 24, an absolute delight and the world is a much dimmer place without her.

The training in some police departments for this type of crime is incredibly poor, which is why I'd urge you to push as much as you can for support from them and not let yourself be ignored or told there's nothing they can do. There is. Try and find as much RL emotional support as you can get too. Men like this are expert manipulators and gas lighters and you may find you need people around you to remind you of that fact to help stop him from wearing you down. You're worth more than this.

The support you could get from this board is incredible, so keep posting even if it's just to see in your own words what a monumental shit he is if you find yourself wavering, and to keep a timeline for yourself and the police if you need it. Stay strong and do what you need to do.

OP I've just searched your name, every single thread is about how awful this man is. Please listen

@TeaEnjoyingRadiantFeminist thank you so much. This has been the hardest thing I have had to do. I know he will make my life hell when I leave and I'm so scared of what he will do. I know he will tell my parents stuff that will cause distress. I am looking at a property this evening that should be available straight away.

@SouthernComforts this man has made me doubt who I am as a person and has left me unable to trust my own instincts. I am pushing for more support, but it's slow to come and hard to talk to anyone on the phone as he doesn't let me be alone. Mumsnet has become a massive support to me as I can message on here and know i'm not crazy and leaving him is my only option.

Watch ' the abused' on itv. And then your have your answer which I think you already have.

Yes. Please run and do it quietly.

Run run run. Please don’t think you’re different and he wouldn’t do that to you because believe me, he will. My ExHs past criminal behaviour (including but not limited to DV and ROs) only came out when I was pregnant and had to call the police on him. I had no idea. I sacked him off immediately.

Yes. Leave

Don’t walk away...run!
Do it now and do it safely

Don't walk away....Run!!

Snap MrsEM1!

I smell a controlling stalker op, once is bad enough but twice? This is a repeated pattern of behaviour

My guess is that he abuses them and when they try to exit he stalks/harasses then

Major alarm bells 🔔🔔🔔

I'm finding it so hard to find somewhere to rent. Private landlords don't want me as i'll be getting a top up of UC on my wages and there is nothing on the housing list in my area which is close enough to my work.

Just an update that I left and went to a refuge. Thank you all for your support.

I've just seen your update OP, I'm so relieved you found somewhere safe. for your bravery

Well done for leaving, you’ve been incredibly brave, glad you are now safe 💐

well done 💐

Well done, OP! Really happy for you.

It's worth bearing in mind that you might start to feel yourself wavering at this point, so re-read your threads and avoid any temptation to start thinking about the good times you had together. Remind yourself how hard it's been to get away once - if you're tempted to go back, it'll be even harder the next time.