DP past criminal behaviour coming to light?

[happytiredmummy]

Would you end it with your DP if you found out he had been done for harassment and had a restraining order against him?

This has happened in two past relationships and he doesn't know that I know.

Twice??! I'd be running as fast as my legs would carry me.

Don't be that person, OP, who thinks they can "cure" someone.

Unless you have a good solid relationship and feel you're an equal then dump him

I did an application for clares law and that's how I found out. I know he has threatened suicide in past relationships too. We have been together 2 years and I have only just found this out. He doesn't like to talk about past relationships, now I know why.

I'm not surprised about your responses and thought that's what I needed to do anyway.

You need to be careful. Usually when Clare's law is used the police will offer support or at least point you in the direction of some help and support.

Yes 100% but be careful about it OP

Waves red flag

Get out of the relationship as quickly and safely as you can. He will likely threaten suicide with you too. Ignore his threats, arrange to leave, then leave a note explaining why and that you do not wish to be contacted by him ever again. Photograph the note so the text can be seen and another showing where it was left so he cannot ever deny receiving it.

Then block his number etc ot he will bombard you with messages and calls.

What made you search him in the first place?
As pp's have said, please be careful.
What an awful situation for you

Yes, I’d leave but as others have said, be as careful as possible about it. For this to have happened twice is worrying. Many women wouldn’t approach the police so there could be a chance that this has happened with more than two ex partners.

Seek advice from police and women’s aid about how to safely leave.

Best of luck x

What made you search? Just not talking about past relationships seems extreme, has he done anything else that mad you search? Not that it was wrong just wondering what triggered it. How long have you been together?

Yes! But very carefully. Otherwise you will be next.

You need to be very careful but yes you need to get out.

What happened to make you make an application under Clare’s law 2 years into a relationship?

Definitely get advice before leaving.

I found some paperwork that mentioned a court date and harassment. That's all I knew, but it made me uneasy. I have felt paranoid he is hiding something, but I put it down to me just being paranoid. No major red flags just an ass when we have an argument and he'll threaten to leave me, when I call his bluff he never does. He can be a bit selfish at times, but then the least bit selfish other times.

Once- really depends on the context

Twice- no way. I would definitely end it

Threatening to leave everytime you argue? God that sounds exhausting enough without the TWO harrassment charges that he's hidden from you.

Well done for listening to your instincts.

Humm, this puts you in a really difficult position, especially if your other user name is true, and you don’t have anywhere to run and hide .

So simple in theory, messy in real life...

Did the police give any advice or support? Do you have anyone in real life you can safely talk this through with?

Yes end it and be glad you found out

In a heartbeat.

One of my closest friends discovered her partner had a restraining order against him brought by an ex. When she ended it (this was part of it but not the only issue by any means, he was an abusive piece of shit despite his charming facade) he relentlessly stalked her, and later murdered her.

I urge you to leave him, but please, please ensure that you are safe and have somewhere to go to escape him. If his behaviour becomes concerning then go to the police immediately and do not let yourself be fobbed off. Have people there for you to advocate for you if you need it but it's important to ensure you receive support and care to leave him. Stay safe Op.

@TeaEnjoyingRadiantFeminist I think that's the reality check I needed to hear. I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I know what I need to do, thank you. It's not going to be easy though, i'm sure of it.