ex is refusing to give me anymore money for dd.

[kimlo]

and his reason is that I won't say thankyou, which I refuse to do. Apparently no man gives money for their children, and dd won't miss it it will be me that misses it.

To say that I'm angry is an understatement.
Obviously I spend the whole £200 a month on gin and shoes.

On a more serious note he is acting so bizare that I have real concerns that he wont return dd tomorrow.

Cms for maintenance.
Police if he doesn’t return dd. He sounds weird.

Police wouldn't do anything. He has pr and their is no court order in place. I would need to take him to court to get her back.

But I also can't stop the school letting her go with him, and that also becomes me blocking contact.

OP contact the Child Maintenance Service. He has a legal obligation to provide for his child. And also a solicitor to get legal advice if she isn't returned to you.

Kimlo I was just about to say this to you. Even with a court order in place police wont do anything as long as there isnt a welfare risk. People think a court order is the golden ticket, if your ex is that unreasonable (mine is very unreasonable) a court order will make little difference)
Has he threatened not to return her? or is this just a concern of yours?

no he hasn't but it is my worst nightmare really.

He's not normally this unreasonable. He's not a brilliant dad but he sees her most weeks for a couple of hours and normally pays.

Top tip i never initiate any conversation when my children are with him as i know it will turn into a power struggle which will leave me wondering if he will return them. He knows this is his alternate power over me and he must know its one of my worst fears. He has indeed not returned them on time or at all on multiple occasions! even with a court order in place.

So the £200 is an informal arrangement which he hasnt paid this month at all?? TAke him to cms

he doesn't have her at the moment, shes with me. On a tuesday he picks her up after school and then returns her later on in the evening.

Yes the £200 is an agrement between us, that he has said he wont pay again because I refuse to say thankyou after everytime he transferes it in to my bank account. I refuse to bow and scrape to him so he can feel like the big man for doing the bare minimum.

CMS all the way!

If he has a regular salaried job I would set up CMS. unless £200 is way above the minimum

I doubt it's above the minimum, but I have no idea what he earns. We haven't been together for over 10 years, both in relationships with other people for over 6.

CMS ASAP

I get slightly less through cms than before, but I never have to speak to him about it because they do all that. And if he is late, they deal with it. It just removes the whole issue and makes things much easier.

I would 100% go to cms anyway. My ex was giving me a certain amount, but i know he would withdraw it as soon as got a bee in his bonnet about something or another. Cms is less money (he fiddles his accounts) but i dont care as its consistent as he knows the consequences.

go to court and get a residence order then police will go and get you daughter
I had to do it twice

Play him OP.
Seriously.
Fake smile “thank you”.
Get what you want; screw him over if the opportunity ever arises.
In the meantime don’t screw over yourself

Just seen you’re not going through cms!!!

Seriously, that’s your way forward

I won't say thank you to someone doing the bare minimum for their child, for an amount of money that doesn't even cover her childcare costs.

When does he thank me for every single thing I do for his child?

and what hapoens when he decides that my thank you wasn't good enough? That I'm not grateful enough? He threatens again to get me back in line.

I don't bow and scrape, it's never going to happen.

SEVEN posters have already highlighted the obvious which is... CMS

I’d also go to court for a child arrangement order

Also fwiw he sounds like an asshat
well done for leaving him...

Everyone saying get it official through CMS is right. Why aren’t you doing it? Takes all the feelings out of it.

nanny3 even with a residency order the police have no powers to remove a child from a parents house if he has PR and there are no welfare concerns. It would be back in court to have the children returned.
Im guessing your court order comes with power of arrest?

I'm not going through the cms purely because this has all happened today. It's looking like that is the way I'm going to have to go.

Not something I wanted to do, and I had hoped that after 10 years we had it sorted and could be grownups in regard to dd and he could leave me alone apart from that. Obvioulsy not.

How old is your dd?
Id also go through cms.

There’s nothing for you to say thank you for. He has 59% PR, and as such should provide for his child.

I’d submit an application to the cms tomorrow in your shoes

my dd is 9 nearly 10. We split up while I was pregnant.