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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help me get this man out of my head!!!!

28 replies

Justme1981 · 25/02/2019 15:15

So long story short, i went for 2 lovely dates with a man i work with. He kinda freaked abit about the reality of single mum life & offered friend with benefits, i said no. But couldn't get him out of my head so after a week i messaged to say I'd thought about it & yes, he then replied its not his thing & no judgements!!! You suggested it!!!! Gah!! Ok fine, i said i enjoyed his company etc & if he ever wanted to see me as friends or not to let me know, he said ok. Anyway so we are now back to being friends but i can't get him out of my head!! Hes clearly not as interested in me than i am him, but i can't get him out of my mind .... what can i do? Im a grown woman not a teenager, i went on a lovely date last night but have declined another as i can't stop thinking about this man. Help!!!!

OP posts:
Missmother · 25/02/2019 15:19

He’s not good enough for you because you we’re willing to sleep with him even though that wasn’t what you wanted, and I think he didn’t want a single mum as a girlfriend, sorry to say, but at least he’s not a total dick because he could have slept with you and then never called but he didn’t.

Your only infatuated with him and I think it’s because your perhaps bored in life and want a little fun outside of being a mother and work.

I’ve been infatuated with guys before and as soon as another one came along, then said guy went right out the window!

Maybe you should shag him out your system, but don’t ever shag him.

icelollycraving · 25/02/2019 15:20

Perhaps he chanced his arm offering FWB as thought you’d refuse.

Missmother · 25/02/2019 15:21

Your norm the same year as me, well if your name is your year of birth, and I think I’m the kind of person that likes to like a guy, just someone to fantasise about, you need to get under one to get over the other.

If you don’t mind me asking, then when was the last time you had sex? Are you just very horny?

Missmother · 25/02/2019 15:22

Born not norm.

HennaLights · 25/02/2019 15:25

This is why as a single mum I won't be dating for the foreseeable. Too many creeps out there.

Original poster
Justme1981 · 25/02/2019 15:30

Thanks all, my marriage only recently ended but our sex life was non existent, haven't had sex in over 2 years 😱

OP posts:
Missmother · 25/02/2019 15:30

Guys certainly seem to think that single mums are desperate to have men in their lives, so not true.

NotTheFordType · 25/02/2019 15:31

he then replied its not his thing & no judgements

What a fucking hypocrite. No wonder he's got your head spinning. He's basically "negged" you.

TBH I'd never recommend dating someone who works with you - I've seen it go wrong so many times. Although I guess if it's a massive company it might be okay.

Missmother · 25/02/2019 15:31

OP your horny as hell which is why you can’t stop thinking about him!

Sorry to be rude, but you need shagged!Grin

Original poster
Justme1981 · 25/02/2019 15:36

Missmother maybe you are right 🤣🤣

OP posts:
Missmother · 25/02/2019 15:40

DefinitleyGrin you need a good, hard shag and then you may well be over this infatuation, although please don’t shag the guy you’ve mentioned, he’s an arsehole and probably loved the fact that you ended up saying ‘ok let’s do the FWB thing’Angry

Original poster
Justme1981 · 25/02/2019 16:28

You are probably right 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
SuziQ10 · 25/02/2019 16:34

I think there's something powerful about feeling rejected by someone. We can't quite process it, can't stand it and it makes us think we really want the person that didn't want us.

Honestly, I still think about a boy that rejected me when I was 16! I thought he was my first Iove and I still feel hurt to this day about the fact I wasn't what he wanted. So silly. It's been 14years since I last saw him.

Anyway, a good snog (&more!) will help you feel better. You'll find someone nice who ticks those boxes.

RiversDisguise · 25/02/2019 16:41

He sounds like a knobend

Best way of getting over one man is getting under another!

Musti · 25/02/2019 16:44

What a wanker! You're well rid of him!

Original poster
Justme1981 · 25/02/2019 18:59

Thanks everyone - you are making me feel better 😄

OP posts:
Missmother · 25/02/2019 19:24

You just maybe need that shag to feel even better!

Maybe it’s me that needs a shag coz I keep mentioning it!Grin

Original poster
Justme1981 · 25/02/2019 19:31

Missmother 🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
labazsisgoingmad · 25/02/2019 19:34

dont cheapen yourself

Missmother · 25/02/2019 19:44

I knowGrin

falaff · 25/02/2019 19:47

Oh god I feel the same about someone I went on one date with. I completely self sabotaged it and would really just like FWB as he doesn't think we'll work in a relationship... the thing is, he's said no, but keeps wanting to talk about sex! And he suggested something casual first! What the actual....

I think these sorts of people we are best walking away from. I just can't see it ending well and I think it's just a big game. I'm not lowering myself to that standard even though to be completely honest I would do pretty much anything for a good shag right now :)

Next!

thecatsarecrazy · 25/02/2019 20:15

You will get over it op. Not the same as I'm married but I was an idiot. Became infatuated with another man. My dh even knew how much he got under my skin. He could talk to me like shit and I would still come running. I've finally seen him for what he is and he doesn't like it. Agreed we would be friends and I'm fine with that because I don't have feelings anymore. He asks if I miss him etc. When he doesn't get the answer he wants he gets funny. I think he's f.b blocked me for the 100th time and I don't give a shit anymore. Some men just like the ego boost etc

Original poster
Justme1981 · 25/02/2019 21:34

Thank you falaff i feel much better knowing its not just me this has happend to!!

Thank you too thecatsarecrazy you are all making me feel much better - feel less of an idiot now 😄

OP posts:
falaff · 25/02/2019 23:59

You're definitely not alone! I've left the ball in his court so who knows. I'm hoping he'll go all blokey on me and won't be able to resist, ha. I'm completely infactuated though! I ruined it because over text he was AWFUL and said that he had autistic traits... which reminded me of my ex who I really struggled with. So I was dreading meeting him. But as soon as we met I was smitten! But I'd already messed it up by this point :(

Urgh. I can't stop thinking about him but need to just move on... we had one date and were only talking for a couple of weeks, I don't know him and it's probably just because he is absolutely gorgeous and it's been too long!

BringMeAGinandTonic · 26/02/2019 06:27

Awww...hugs. You'll get over him soon. You might want to stop communication outside of work, and limit interactions at work to get over him though.

I see two things here: you're horny and you need to love yourself more.

So to solve the first one: get laid, get a toy, whatever. :)

The other: love yourself more to not settle for something you didn't want in the first place. Plenty of men out there go for single mums all the time. Sooner or later, you will find a guy who is perfectly fine with you being a mum.