Young children ? Will you stay married, after your children leave home9 say in 10-15 yrs) ?

[Oblomov]

Many people stay for the sake of children don't they ?
I can't wait till ds (3.5) leaves home . Then I will ahve my lovely dh all to myself again. I mean this tongue-in-cheek. But seriously, will I be married, in a loving relationship, in 15 years time ? I like to think so .
Can you say the same ?
Do you neglect you dh, and focus on the children. Will you have a relationship left, with dh, when the children are gone ?

I hope so. I married him wanting to spend the rest of my life with him. My children are a blessing, but hopefully when they are gone we will still have each other. Anyway, supposing we hadn't been able to have children? I'd like to think we would still have had each other. Whilst I'm not looking forward to my LOs growing up and leaving me (mind you, depends on the day!), I'm looking forward to DH and I having time to ourselves again.

In theory

But not if I have to invest in my relationship like he's some bloody savings a/c though. We did all that for years. Right now the children take most of our energy, time and attention. We both knew and accepted that when we had the children. And if my DH resents that then he's a total ar*se and I wouldn't want to be with him. Right now is a hell of an adventure and that is what matters.

Well then I don't think what you are referring to is 'basic' biology. Basic psychology, yes.

Christalmighty Nomdeplume.
My work OP is that my dh chooses to work more hours than he needs to. And that upsets me. Smug. I am cross with my dh that he does this. We disagree of the fact he needs to. He does not leave on time. Thats the whole point. Smug. No.
This post started with Petunias, not staying with her husband - see respect thread. I am well aware that my dh could leave me tomorrow. I hope he won't. I don't think he will. But he could. Smug ?
I have really got up your goat, haven't I

Speaking as someone whose DC's have grown up and left home I can say that keeping a happy marriage going is blardy hard work. It's not something that is easy or can be taken too much for granted.

The priest who married DH and I told us to never forget that whatever children came our way they would one day move on to their own lives and the saddest thing would be to find that you had spent years being married to a stranger you now have very little in common with.

It might sound trite but it's stayed with me for over 30 years.

Nomdeplume. Your post has really got up my nose aswell. Just so as you know. Perfect as me ? Smug . That is not what I am saying. You are reading this from the wrong angle.
You have totally misundersttod my posts over last night and today.

Oblomov, my goat remains un-got.

Psychology is the meeting of biology and culture . Love and affection are part of the biological aspects of psychology.

I really hope so. I have a 12 month old DD with my partner, we are getting married in Sept, so I really think that we are embarking on a journey as the two people who fell in love with each other before DD came along. We talk about how much we need to try to be pav and xx, not just mum and dad, and we work hard to spend time just us two, and continue and develop new interests that are seperate from our daughter, as well as enjoying the common love and interest we have in our family too.

I fully intend to continue this way for the future, but of course strains and stresses out of our control can sometimes get in the way. So far those outside negative events have brought us closer. I really think it will continue. Otherwise I would not be marrying him!

I am glad that you are un-got Nomdeplume. I am not though. I was quite upset by your smug post. Like I said, read again. My dh has upset me. My life is far from perfect = not being smug. I don't think the word smug, is appropriate for someone complaining that their dh works long hours.
I have to go and cut the grass now.

I am guessing that answers to the actual question of the OP are irrelevant now?

I am a total stranger who read 2 threads and disagreed with the sentiments therein. It was not my intention to upset anyone, you asked me to explain my sm*g post and I did. Like you said, maybe we are coming at this from 2 different angles. Maybe I read what you wrote in completely the opposite way to what was meant. I am sorry my posts upset you.

Some people don't need a loving sexual relationship. Was talking about it to a single friend who said he has never needed company and so wasn't prepared to settle for second best, he was happy alone. He didn't seem remotely withered. Nor at all needy.

DS1 will never leave home (well he will go into residential care at some stage, but we'll still have responibilities towards him - although not as many as I'd like once he passes to SS- god help us).

totally agree wiht ndp
it was a smug twattish postadn pertty pointless

so i posted that dh earns LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOADS of money nad so thats why he works so hard

and he likes it

and we get to go away
and tbh i DONT WANT him home allt he time
i LIEK him going away

liek this

Troy the TW*T, then.

i dont think children ever leave home.. loads of people i know their kids in their 20s still at home.. how old will i be then?

Just for the record. It wasn't smug. And Cod should be flattereed that I quoted her. It wasn't anythig to do with pity.

Pavlov, they do not seem to be relevant now, do they ?

I kind of agree with ndp actually....

No, I doubt it very much - in fact as I only need to go another 5 years, it could be very much sooner than that......

(and I'm not sad or anything, it's just one of those things)

I think the op is getting a hard time here.

I read it as a way of her opening up an interesting discussion on whether people may or may not take their OH's for granted, and whether people actually think about what their relationship will be like when the children leave home.

Could have been a very interesting thread. Good topic.

It was based on Petunias post, in the "do you respct your dh" thread. SAhe said that she was staying with her dh until the children grew up. She wasn't sure what would happen then. I was just saddened by her post. But started a new thread becasue I didn't want to hijack.

Good post, Oblomov.

Something I worry about. DC are 15 and 12, so not too many years. DH have always tried to keep time for ourselves, but over the years we have definitely got out of the habit of it.

I think it's about investing in your relationship as much as you can and remembering that it came before and will come after the children. It is just as important as the dealing with the children.

And it's very telling that DH and I get on much better when we're communicating and sharing.

Yes, we will always be together. Our relationship is stronger now than it was in our flighty pre-children days. And I doubt I would ever find someone else who can make a perfect cup of tea, which is a vital attribute for any husband.

You see I actually wonder if I wouldn't rather like to be alone. I know that fundamentally we have a strong marriage - various things have tested it to nearly breaking point without a doubt - and I think that we could make it as a couple post-kids. Probably wouldn't be much fun maybe. But ...I keep thinking how much simpler, tidier, calmer life would be on my own. My own house, time to myself, peace.... or is that just an overwrought overtired mum talking...