Would you date somebody who has previously had an affair?

[Minglewhilstsingle]

Just that really...

I have been on a few of dates with a guy who I quite like, the only problem is, he previously had a year long affair.
Both parties were married. This was 2.5 years ago.

I knew this before we started chatting/dating as we live in quite a small town and I think everyone heard about it through the grapevine...

Although it was always in the back of my mind, I think I'm thinking about it more now as I've started to like him...

So would you date someone who had an affair?
Does a leopard change its spots?

Thanks!

So, did he lie to his wife for a whole year? Did he come clean or was he found out? Did he use condoms whilst he slept with the OW?

I suspect the answers to all of my questions would put me off this person far too much to want to date them. I know that we all make mistakes and no one is perfect, but the level of deception and duplicity required to conduct an affair for a whole year would not make me think that person was trustworthy and loving.

I got with my ex knowing he’d previously cheated and he said he’d learned from his mistakes and he would never do that to anyone again. Roll on 4 years and he ran off with the OW. So having experienced pieces of shit like that, no I would never ever date someone that had cheated ever again. In fact I can’t even be friends with people that cheat anymore. I’m now with a trustworthy DH and very happy! And ditched my best friend because she thought it was acceptable to run off with a married man with 4 kids whilst she worked with his wife all day every day.

No the trust just wouldn't be there for me sorry. If he was late meeting me or if we were living together and he was late home I'd always be questioning it in my head

Rachel's mother is right - 'once a cheater, always a cheater'!

I wouldn't

I cheated on my ex husband. I will never cheat again on anyone. people can change and learn from their mistakes.

No, I wouldn’t date him, he cheated and lied for a whole YEAR, to his wife and DC’s detriment. Ew.

His spin on things, eg why the relationship with OW didn’t work out, sounds like bollocks too.

I too once dated a man who admitted cheating on an ex (not married and no DC). I have no idea whether he cheated on me during our relationship, best guess would be not, but I never trusted him and he was self absorbed and I regretted dating him.

Hell no.
I'd never trust him fully so what's the point.

Lying to someone for a YEAR, sneaking around, being deceitful.... that takes a lot. He's got it in him to do that (not everyone has).

Don't waste your time.

No. I have, and guess what? Cheated on me for years.

I'd be wary... But people can change. I had an affair in my early twenties. Never cheated since, Im a totally different person now and have had a happy marriage

@Minglewhilstsingle

Got nice body.
Just happened.
Liked the attention.

I always harp on about this but would you want one of your kids or a close friend to end up with someone who used these pretty glib and superficial reasons for an affair? And pretty unapologetically it sounds like.

Fair enough if you aren't looking for a long term thing but wouldn't it be so much nicer to meet someone you genuinely thought was lovely and fun and who you wouldn't have niggling doubts about character wise?

It totally depends on your boundaries I guess, it would play on my mind and personally I've had too much experience of being treated poorly to consider someone I'm not at all sure of from the word go!

Ps you can stop "plodding along" and leave a relationship without fucking someone else first! Surely you deserve more than someone who doesn't get that? I don't even know you but I think you do!

the affair just happened & didn't stop.

Isn't it funny how some penises can just ......poooof .....end up inside a vagina?

It's like magic isn't it?

And who knows how ?

If his last affair just happened - if that's how he described it, with no accountability at all - then another one could happen to him just as easily.

Affairs don't just happen, certainly not ones that last a year.
I like to believe that people can and do change but this I wouldn't be able to blindly enter into and hope for the best.
I know you're not talking about marrying him OP but can you imagine constantly doubting if he was up to old tricks again. It's not worth it imo.

My good friend is very happily married to a lovely chap who had been married and had an affair (all over years before he met my friend). He knows the damage he did to his DC and regrets the deception. He believes he's learned his lesson. He was very unhappy with his XW. Doesn't make it ok of course but the question is whether I'd date someone who'd had an affair. Short answer is yes I would if the circumstances were somewhat as above.

I dated someone who had had an affair (not with me) while he was unhappily married.
Looking back, I never really trusted him not to cheat on me if he was able to cheat on his children's mother.
And I never trusted him on the occasions where he met up with the women he'd had the affair with.

I bet quite a few people on this thread are in serious relationships with people who have cheated or had affairs - they just don't know about them.

If a person is capable of that level of deception and cruelty to a previous partner I wouldn't be interested in being their partner

I bet quite a few are in serious relationships with people who haven't had an affair yet.

My exh had an affair. I've learned that people will do what they do.

No way! It's clearly something you're uncomfortable with as you've posed the question.
No matter how nice you think he is you'll never be comfortable with this man and the more invested you are the more you'll be anxious

To cheat, lie and deceive his wife for a whole year? No he will do it to you. And if he doesnt you’ll think he will

No, if someone is capable of cheating I believe they will do it again and again