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Original poster

Would you date somebody who has previously had an affair?

74 replies

Minglewhilstsingle · 24/02/2019 23:29

Just that really...

I have been on a few of dates with a guy who I quite like, the only problem is, he previously had a year long affair.
Both parties were married. This was 2.5 years ago.

I knew this before we started chatting/dating as we live in quite a small town and I think everyone heard about it through the grapevine...

Although it was always in the back of my mind, I think I'm thinking about it more now as I've started to like him...

So would you date someone who had an affair?
Does a leopard change its spots?

Thanks!

OP posts:
category12 · 25/02/2019 05:46

the affair just happened & didn't stop.. he enjoyed the attention

Just happened? Grin That's a laugh. Those two words alone are why you should run a mile.

Santaclarita · 25/02/2019 05:58

No I wouldn't.

You say you're from a small town and everyone knew about it. So the ow probably still lives there? You really gonna be happy being with a guy that will start shagging her again if she gives him more attention than you?

Other any other woman basically. He likes the attention, he doesn't actually care about the person he is with, he just wants the ego boost. And always will now he's had a taste. Nah throw this one back, there's better men out there.

ukgift2016 · 25/02/2019 06:10

No I wouldn't. I believe you either have it in you to cheat or not. I would also not date a man who had a long term affair.

Many women do date men who previously cheated (of course, there are lots of them) but you need to balance the risks and benefits.

SinkGirl · 25/02/2019 06:27

I think it’s very simplistic to say you either have it in you to cheat or you don’t. Human behaviour is not that black and white. I think a lot of people who haven’t cheated would do in certain circumstances and vice versa.

The context and age would also be important to me - I know a couple of men who were cheating arseholes in their early 20s who are brilliant husbands and fathers in their 30s and would never cheat on their wives. I know people will say you can’t know, but maturity has worked wonders for these men and they are very different people now to who they were then.

The fact that he was cheating on his wife, wasn’t young, and it was so recent means I’d have nothing to do with him. Not worth it.

calsovip · 25/02/2019 06:37

I wouldn't.

Insomnibrat · 25/02/2019 06:40

Absolutely not.

Andyjakeydan · 25/02/2019 06:41

I dated my stbxw and she told me on our first date that she’d had an affair that ended her first marriage and i must say it put me off a bit but then i thought she’s a lovely girl so we kept dating,married a few years later and now she’s done it again....i’ll never have a relationship with someone who’s had an affair again

Bubba1234 · 25/02/2019 06:42

No run run far away

Crowdo · 25/02/2019 06:43

I would worry. But I do believe life lasting love is a rarity. I'd be more worried about him not having the guts to be honest and end the marriage.

Speaking as someone who had a brief exit affair for an unhappy marriage. Which I won't try to justify. It was poor behaviour and I regret it.

BookCzar · 25/02/2019 06:49

So, as soon as he got some confidence due to weight loss, he started an affair?

Was ok with lieing to his wife (who he has a child with!), for a whole year, and it only stopped because he got caught?

No, I wouldn't bother.

BobbinThreadbare123 · 25/02/2019 06:50

I wouldn't. There'd always be that niggle in the back of your mind. My XH selected and pursued his current wife behind my back and I do wonder if she worries he'll trade her in, despite her complicity.

Fireandflames666 · 25/02/2019 06:50

No chance, I'm a firm believer (when it comes to cheating) that leopards don't change their spots. I've seen it happen agaij and again with the same people.

StarlightLady · 25/02/2019 07:19

I would date him. People have extra maritial relationships for a whole raft of reasons. Some maybe more valid than others.

In this case, it apoears he has confided in you with a lot more information than he need to; that’s a huge positive in my book.

GregoryPeckingDuck · 25/02/2019 08:39

Ha ha no.

Orange6904 · 25/02/2019 11:13

No I wouldn't, it's fine to leave a relationship but it's the deception and selfishness that is scary with affairs. I also find that people who have affairs and cheat have low emotional intelligence and self awareness. I'd rather stay single than deal with that. Good luck whatever you decide. Flowers

9thCircleInHell · 25/02/2019 11:27

He's just a cake eater and not worth your time.

ravenmum · 25/02/2019 11:33

I would, but not with this guy. I'd date someone who had an affair and admitted it to me, wasn't proud of it and didn't have a cartload of excuses for why it happened.

hellsbellsmelons · 25/02/2019 13:31

No I wouldn't.
Well... not again.
Went there once and got truly burned.
They really don't change.
No matter what they say or what excuses they give.

StarlightSparkle · 25/02/2019 15:15

No. A year is a long time and it would’ve involved a lot of lying and deceit to the person he was supposed to love. I’d rather be on my own than be with someone like that.

Missmother · 25/02/2019 15:26

Hadn’t everyone cheated at some point or another whether it’s been when you were a teenager, or when you had something more serious.

He’s been honest with you and for that, he deserves some credit. People make mistakes, they’re only human.

I would only not date him if he had cheated on every relationship that he’s been in, but if it was just the once then yes I would, he obviously wasn’t very happy in his relationship to have cheated and maybe he’s learned something now.

Missmother · 25/02/2019 15:30

Sorry my mistake, he didn’t tell you, you already knew, but still it doesn’t mean he’ll cheat on you, once a cheat always a cheat doesn’t reasonate with me.

Auntiepatricia · 25/02/2019 15:30

Missmother, no. Everyone hasn’t cheated at some point. I haven’t, DH hasn’t, 3 best friends haven’t, parents haven’t. I can think of some close friends and family members who have but I know equally as many people who simply have not. And I’m certain about them. Many people I wouldn’t be certain about.

Missmother · 25/02/2019 15:32

I knew as soon as I posted that that it was a mistake, I apologise.Smile

Auntiepatricia · 25/02/2019 15:35

Missmother, well certainly plenty of people have. But if what you were getting at was that people make mistakes then I have to say I don’t think a 15yr old kissing some other boy at a disco is anyway comparable to a man cheating on his live in partner who he has a child with or is engaged to or any of the many serious comportment a people make to each other.

Missmother · 25/02/2019 15:38

I actually just meant all forms of cheating from teenage years to adulthood, and with teenagers I meant that some people are in serious relationships as teenagers and yet cheat, although I understand that a bit more, but having a snog at a disco when your 15 and in a relationship is definitely different to a married man cheating on mother of his child.Confused

Not everybody cheats at all and it was a stupid comment to make, maybe it’s just that everyone I know has cheatedConfused sad but very true, well I believe that the only person I know that hasn’t cheated is my mother!

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