I find it difficult but try to make an effort with my brother's wife. He's always been there and kind, we had a difficult start in life with parent's divorcing and problems etc. I find SIL difficult and a little like my mum (do men choose partners like their mothers, I wonder?) She's quite controlling and neurotic. Which I could deal with. But the thing I am finding difficult recently is this tendency to pick up on things and criticise, about me. For example she will pick a topic (work, friendships, for example) ask me about it. "So, what about friendships?" she will ask me, and seem to expect me to explain my situation, then give advice (un asked for) and compare with her own situation (always better). I come away feeling small and belittled, and then angry with myself for feeling like this.
An example, with friends, when asked the above I said I am fine with my friends, have an old friend from years back and another living nearby. She started saying about the former being so far away, and the other one not having children, must be hard...it's all negative and leaves me with these thoughts and worries I never had before. followed up with how she has a close bunch of girlfriends and needs her mates and wouldn't be without them etc. I prefer to see friends individually and would not be keen on a group thing like that but wouldn't mention that as well, I don;t think she'd understand.
I constantly feel I need to justify myself and my decisions. I can't really not see her as would mean not seeing my brother and their children. But it's so wearing.