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Original poster

Invasion of privacy

32 replies

Sawvrf · 23/02/2019 04:54

Just discovered last October my husband of 33 yrs has been doing the following; Found on his digital camera pictures from porn magazines. Then I discovered he is using porn sites, checking out hook up sites. And to finish it off I found a large brown envelope of photographs, over 200 hundred, of myself sleeping naked in bed, shower etc all without my knowledge. They date back to 2007. I feel betrayed, invaded, totally creeped out. My heart is broken and I no longer trust my husband. So his responses have been, all men look at porn. He took pictures of pictures because he was throwing out the magazines and wanted to keep his favorite pics. He says he has never been on a hook up site, his history on his phone says otherwise. And the pics of me is because the last SD card of my naked pics of me was deleted by mistake so he started to print them out. Presently I have a SD card with over 700 naked pics/ video of me. He says he's sorry in one breath and the next he is implying there is nothing wrong. How do we survive this?

OP posts:
Decormad38 · 23/02/2019 04:58

Urghh what a creep. Sorry but that’s quite disgusting op. What are you going to do?

Dickensnovel · 23/02/2019 04:59

To answer your question: You don't as a couple. You can survive and even thrive on your own, but not with him.

Wouldyouorshouldyou · 23/02/2019 05:01

Taking pictures of you asleep and naked is horrible! That would be way over the line for me.

LellyMcKelly · 23/02/2019 05:03

Ugh, the porn stuff is a bit off, but taking naked photos of you without your knowledge or consent (and possibly sharing them online) is abusive, disgusting, quite possibly illegal, and a huge breach of trust.

BWcastle2000 · 23/02/2019 05:07

The naked photos without your knowledge are unforgivable. especially since he doesn’t think he has done anything wrong in taking them. Do you honestly want to live a life where you are constantly checking for cameras before you get undressed?

Sally2791 · 23/02/2019 06:32

Taking pictures without consent is totally out of order. Someone who could do that will never accept that it's wrong. How could you ever trust him again?

HisBetterHalf · 23/02/2019 06:47

700 pics and videos, wow. What was he videoing without your knowledge?

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 23/02/2019 07:18

He’s a vile creep. Can’t be trusted.

OhMyHolyCrap · 23/02/2019 07:24

How would you ever feel comfortable and relaxed in your own home again?

You can't live life scared to sleep incase he's snapping pictures of you.

You should be able to shower in your own home without thinking of locking doors and never being naked just in case.

There is just no way I could live with a guy like this.

hoge · 23/02/2019 07:26

How do we survive this?

You don't. You LTB.

Shoxfordian · 23/02/2019 07:28

Don't stay with such a disrespectful shitbag
Its a huge invasion of privacy

labazsisgoingmad · 23/02/2019 07:29

creepy id say he has a problem but thats not your problem i wouldnt be able to trust him again

TougheningUp · 23/02/2019 07:36

I wouldn't be able to forgive the photos he took of you. That's just vile. Keep the photos and get advice on how best to proceed.

Sadiesnakes · 23/02/2019 07:44

Sadly it is your problem, and a huge big one at that. Your whole marriage and life has changed forever and you'll never trust him again. You'll never respect him again. It's a massive upheaval and tbh I think you'd be best going it alone now. He's not the man you thought you married and it'll take years to come to terms with it all. This is truly horrible for you op. Thanks

Boulezvous · 23/02/2019 07:53

I never thought this before but after splitting with my XH I came to the view that most men do look at pots. My ex pretended to be some goody two shoes but was actually using porn all the time. I found the gap between his public image (feminist, human rights advocate) and private behaviour sickening.

Weirdly the photos wouldn't bother me so much. Sorry - I know I'm going against the grain. The had a boyfriend who took pictures of me like that - I knew he was taking them and he showed me. He didn't share them. It didn't really affect me but I did ask him to erase them afterwards. I did trust him way more than my creepy XH after all his hypocrisy came to light. I still think he's a creep.

Floydian · 23/02/2019 08:05

Sorry but I have to add balance here. No its not great he's taken pics of you without you knowing but the deal breaker should be whether he's distributed them elsewhere or not.

category12 · 23/02/2019 08:24

It's creepy af to take naked pictures of you asleep. There's no consent.

Why do you want your marriage to survive this?

AlwaysSomethingThere · 23/02/2019 08:32

A police matter surely?

PeakTransedAgain · 23/02/2019 08:36

That's horrendous. Thanks I agree with contacting the police

Fonduefrolics · 23/02/2019 08:43

Personally I’ve no problem with porn but photos with no consent (when you’re sleeping/showering, naked and vulnerable) would be it for me. Not only is it a gross invasion of privacy but I’d wonder about the sexual predilections of someone who got off on that vulnerability. It would be my line in the sand and I’d be going to see the police. There would absolutely be no surviving this as a couple for me. Please OP see this for what it is - he is a sexual abuser.

WatchingFromTheWings · 23/02/2019 09:15

I couldn't trust him again. I'd also be very concerned about whether or not the photos had been shared online. Some men like to swap pictures like that.

BrusselPout · 23/02/2019 10:27

The fact that his reasoning for having them is that the last lot accidentally got deleted is 😱

Wallywobbles · 23/02/2019 10:47

Is be asking the police what I needed to do to make sure none of this ever wen public. So scary.

Maelstrop · 23/02/2019 12:09

Trouble is, what has he done with the pictures of you?

Jupiters · 23/02/2019 12:29

The porn I'd be okay with (depending on the nature of it I guess). The hook-up site would be a red flag. The taking of naked photos without consent, dating back over 10 years, would be so many red flags I could decorate a castle.

He's been taking photos of you, whilst you're vulnerable, without your consent... And now seems to be gaslighting you into believed it's nothing to be concerned about! I couldn't get past this. Everything I got undressed for a shower, everything I was about to nod off to sleep, I'd be thinking about this.

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