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Original poster

Marriage-Why did YOU do it?

44 replies

Ella1980 · 23/02/2019 02:40

My fiance is keener on the idea in the main than me. We have both been married before-my divorce acrimonious, his far less so.

I guess I'm questioning the point of it if I'm totally honest? We both don't have money or savings so it's not financial. We don't have children together (I have two from my first marriage) and very unlikely we will have any in the future.

What were the main reasons you chose to get married. Are these the same now? Would you do the same again?

OP posts:
user14869556378 · 23/02/2019 03:02

I'm not married but in a long term relationship. I don't think we will marry - not anytime soon. Where I live the rights are the same in a split whether married or not, I wouldn't take his surname due to business reasons, I don't have a huge desire for a wedding or a ring or a proposal, it has no sentimental reason to me (seen enough divorces and cheats), so I just see no need for it (for us). I can only think the reason we would ever marry would be if I'd change my mind and would like a wedding.

SisterOfDonFrancisco · 23/02/2019 03:15

Because of kids. We don't have savings or other assets but I still think it provides a safety net in case something happens to one of us. Even if it just makes things simpler in terms of bureaucracy and taxation. I don't think we would be married if we didn't have kids though.

Springwalk · 23/02/2019 03:21

I can’t imagibe being with anyone els.
So Love and Security are main reasons, as we decided to have children together, and being a family with the same name etc. I love him deeply and marriage has made us closer. Contentment.
I don’t ever want to be with anymore else ever. He is my one.
Marriage has been a great experience, and this comes from someone who didn’t want to ever be married!

Springwalk · 23/02/2019 03:22

Sorry for typos! Tired 💤

Springwalk · 23/02/2019 03:23

I am not sure I would marry in your position, you don’t sound very keen. Are you in love with your dp?

Original poster
Ella1980 · 23/02/2019 03:26

Oh I do love him, I'm just not sure I see the point of marriage in our position? If you love someone then must you marry them?

OP posts:
SisterOfDonFrancisco · 23/02/2019 03:34

I think marriage is more of a financial contract so I wouldn't think in your case it provides that much extra security. But it may make things easier bureaucracy wise in case something happens.

SisterOfDonFrancisco · 23/02/2019 03:36

I personally would remove the romantic notion from it and look at it from a more practical angle. A piece of paper doesn't change feelings either way but you may find it comes handy in some other ways.

Smotheroffive · 23/02/2019 03:44

I still think marriage favours the man,after some of the things that have gone on recently around here.

I married for love, but no doesn't mean if you love you have to marry,not at all, its always been about more than the ceremony, but that comes from those in the relationship regardless of marriage.

So many don't get married now, and most get divorced again!

Smotheroffive · 23/02/2019 03:46

Being liable for husbands debt is just one of the inequalities, it doesn't protect you really.

HirplesWithHaggis · 23/02/2019 03:46

If you love someone, must you marry them? Of course not. Would it make your DP happy if you married, just because... (not for financial reasons, just because... he'd like to?) Would you/do you feel you would lose anything if you married?

Tbh, we married because my mum bribed us. Long story and not relevant, but we'll be celebrating our 35th anniversary this year. There have been ups and downs and hard times and good times, and tbh times I would have left him (and others when he would have left me) if we hadn't been married. But we made a committment, in public and legally, and I think it has made a difference - for us. Your milage may vary.

Beachbooty · 23/02/2019 06:10

Pregnancy and the fact that I was worried about being left with nothing if we separated.

Ploppymoodypants · 23/02/2019 06:12

Been together long time (over ten years before we married) mostly for financial protection of each other and children.
Plus it was a nice day for all the family to get together 😁

HeyCarrieAnneWhatsYourGame · 23/02/2019 06:18

We got married because we wanted children and I think- all in all- it’s better to be married when you have kids for all kinds of boring, security-based reasons. I would do it again, but I totally get why people don’t bother, especially after an acrimonious divorce.

grinningcheshirecat · 23/02/2019 06:20

Friends of ours married so that they were next of kin if the other was in the hospital. They lwanted the other to take decisions if they couldn't do it themselves.

Sally2791 · 23/02/2019 06:23

Because I thought he was the one. I ignored some red flags before and minimised a lot of stuff after but finally I had to get out. Don't regret the wonderful children but really wished I hadn't married and been ripped off financially. I think I saw marriage as emotional security, and certainly he would never have left me.

CountFosco · 23/02/2019 06:32

Marriage is above everything else a legal contract. In your situation with children from a previous relationship and no plans for children in this relationship don't get married. Marriage is good for protecting the children of that marriage, it doesn't care about children from a previous relationship so, e.g. at the moment your children are your heirs. If you get married it will be your husbands. Unless he's got considerably more money and assets than you you are probably better living together.

MrsJonesAndMe · 23/02/2019 06:45

Apart from love and shared DC?

Makes me next of kin, gives me inheritance rights, pensions etc without having to do lots of paperwork.

Huntawaymama · 23/02/2019 06:50

To have the same surname as my kids

I'd offered to change via deed poll but husband said that was boring and we'd have a bit of a party.

We love each other to bits and had done for 8 years when we got married. Being married hasn't changed our relationship one bit, we were solid as a rock before and still are now

Crowdo · 23/02/2019 06:53

I was hormonally driven to want children and married the first nice man I met in my twenties who was also into the idea.

I don't regret the child, but it was poor decision making overall. We're long divorced now.

tilder · 23/02/2019 06:58

I would have a civil partnership not a marriage. For me, marriage is the bedrock of patriarchy. We got married because at the time it gave the best financial security for our child.

Birdie6 · 23/02/2019 07:01

Being next of kin is really important - my DH has some health issues so I wanted to be the official person to make decisions for him if he was sick.

Wanting to make our kids ( I've got 2, he has 3) aware that this was a fully committed relationship. We'd been living together for a few years but it always seemed that our kids thought it was a mid-life thing, not to be taken seriously. So getting married made the situation totally clear to them - this is it, it's not just "shacking up".

Making the finances very clear - we'd both been married before, both brought some money into the relationship - wanted to make the finances clear-cut, no questions to be raised about "who owns what".

I'm very glad we did it. We had a lovely day with kids and grandkids, it was a wonderful occasion.

FinallyHere · 23/02/2019 07:02

Mostly it was about avoiding inheritance tax, once we had a joint mortgage.

Married after roughly ten years together, in August it will be twenty years married.

unexpectednewstart · 23/02/2019 07:14

I imagine the posters taking about love haven't been through a divorce yet! It is a legal contract and you need to make sure your children are protected first and foremost, marriage to someone other than their father won't do that. Would your DP be happy with a big party to celebrate your relationship, and including each other to some extent in your wills?

madcatladyforever · 23/02/2019 07:37

I wouldn't get married again as the divorce was too awful and so agonisingly painful even though it was an easy divorce compared to some. It's basically a legal contract. Me and ex DHL are thinking of getting back together after 3 years apart but we will never get married again.