DP gaming ruining our relationship

[marieneedsaholiday]

My DP plays games with friends at least 4 x a week with headphones on talking. I have no issue with this as I go to the gym or spend some time on my own watching what I want on the TV etc. My problem is him staying up late doing it. I have spoken to him many times about it and have said I want headphones off at 11am, which isn't happening. He has a loud voice and being in a bungalow it's keeping me up at night. I have been in obvious moods with him, told him outright he is being selfish, but nothing happens. Last night I woke up at almost 4am to him laughing his head off with his mates and texted him telling him to shut the f up. He went to sleep on the sofa and now i'm planning to avoid him. I just don't know what to do.

His excuse for playing is because of his PTSD

Tell him to get some actual real medical help for his PTSD. I dont know much about this condition but he cant just use that as an excuse for being completely disrespectful and selfish.

Tell him his late night gaming is ruining your relationship and reducing your feelings towards him and if he doesnt stop then he needs to leave.

Staying up until 4am gaming is not healthy it sounds like he has an addiction to it.

I dont mind gaming I quite like it myself but I only do it when my DH is out seeing a friend or doing his hobbies and when he is home we watch tv together etc. I couldnt put up with this at all. The more you let him get away with it the more he will do it, he wont change because why would he when your forgiving him each and every time and things always go back to normal?

I couldn't deal with this.
What the living arrangements?
Mortgage together?
Renting? In who's name?
How long have you been together?

We've been together 18 months and living together about 7 months. It's his house I've moved to so mortgage is just in his name. I texted him and told him I was done ad would get my stuff together over the next two weeks to leave. His reply was 'ok'. He is selfish and doesn't seem to care about what I need. This is going to hurt, but I just don't want to spend my life like this. I guess I'll be going to live with my parents for a while.

Wtf.

I do wonder about some adults sometimes.

He's living like a teenager, and his emotions are completely stunted.

You're right to leave - he sounds like a nightmare

Thats horrible but it does show you exactly what he thinks of you and your relationship and also what a selfish nasty pig he is. This may help you move on to better things which are waiting for you, you deserve better.

Get out of there.. honestly he won't change, he may for a while after a bollocking but it will creep back in and then you will have to nag him and then arnt you the unreasonable one. Chuck in a bit of emotional manipulation like the ptsd and he's got you. And if your not careful you will be there at 4am with a baby he's woken up too!
Run as fast as you can. X

If he's under 18 fair enough.

If he isn't, he needs to grow the fuck up.

How old is he? Does he work?

Better to be on your own than to be so badly accompanied. His priority in life is gaming; its certainly not you and likely never was you either. I sincerely hope as well that you did not put in one pence towards the upkeep of his property.

Look at what you have learnt to date about relationships and revise your relationship bar upwards.

I never noticed how much of a pig he was until I moved in with him. I feel like his mother. He's 34 and isn't currently working. I know it's for the best, just a nightmare sorting out somewhere else to live and moving everything, I know it's worth it in the long run though, rather than spending a life of misery with him. I haven't even cried about it all, i'm just angry.

I'm sorry OP.
His response says it all really.
It will be a pain to move everything out but you need to do it.
Talk to your family and get them to help you out this weekend with moving as much as you can.
Some love and support from your family is exactly what you need right now.
You will feel angry but the sadness will set in at some point.
He doesn't even work and I suspect you are doing all the 'mummy' tasks for him.
Time for you now.
Raise your bar for the next one but enjoy the single life for a while.
Lean on friends and family and keep busy.

@hellsbellsmelons Thank you so much. I have had another text saying 'I am sorry so you know though'. I'm not replying, I am done. Its the straw that broke the camels back.

Sorry but not willing to do anything to keep you, hes not sorry at all. Well done for being strong OP!

He's messaged saying he's sorry. It's too late, I know he doesn't care. Just wish it didn't hurt this much.

Another gaming addict. Wtf is wrong with these men? Having had gaming ruin two relationships (significantly but not just the gaming) I will no longer entertain a gamer as a potential partner. Smoking, gaming, drugs. Big no.

Good luck OP.

I work with a man who does this. A grown ass 40yr old man who sits on his Xbox all night talking to whoever while his wife sits on her own or goes to sleep.
It's deeply unattractive and honestly I do judge him a bit... but he's very babyish in other ways too. Whinges at the slightest minor inconvenience and has a constant need to keep something exciting going on in his life, affairs, expensive holidays etc.
Glad he's not mine.

lol ehhh I play video games but I care more about my girlfriend then playing video games at night I only play it for at least for an hour then I stop to care for her health of getting sleep and for my health of getting sleep I used too have very bad PTSD..

It's his house I've moved to so mortgage is just in his name.

OP, see this as a lucky escape! At least you found out early on instead of being dependent on a man when you've got some kids with him.

Please set yourself up financially once you are living with your parents again. and don't forget, they won't be around for ever.

It is SO IMPORTANT for us to become financially independent - it's called a "Run-Away Fund".

He sounds like an overgrown teenager. Ugh.

Thanks all. I have two small children to move with me too so not an ideal set up at my parents, but I can get myself back on my feet. It’s never going to work and I can see that now. He’s addicted and will always put that above me and the kids

Good luck op. Keep hold of angry and get out before he sucks you into more manipulation games.
Your doing the right thing. He will be a massive drain on you sounds like financially as well as emotionally if he's a bum too.
You don't want your boys to think this is how men behave or your girls!

Please dont tar us gamers with the same brush. Most of us play as a hobby but actually make time for our familes and friends. I only play after 5pm and rarely stay up late. You just need to find someone that doesnt behave like a selfish twat.

@marieneedsaholiday good luck! Also maybe goo to evaluate your approach to relationships, moving your DC in after a short relationship with an unemployed man child does suggest you feel a strong need to be in a relationship. Embrace your independence!

We all play games here, and yes late night sessions can be annoying but dh values his sleep and has a stressful job so rarely goes beyond midnight even on a weekend.

He does actually earn more than me with his army pension so I’m not paying for him. He’s trying to sort himself out after being medically discharged from the army. We’ve talked about stuff this weekend and right now I’m staying, but I am looking for somewhere to move to and sort ourselves out. I moved in with him as my house was being sold so things got forced to move quicker than I expected. I’ve learnt my lesson now though.

"His excuse for playing is because of his PTSD".

But he is an addict and does need to stop. We humans can get addicted to more or less anything. Drugs, drink, food, smart phones, gambling, porn, gaming, cleaning, exercise, hoarding, television - and on and on and on. There are therapies he could access if he really wanted to (obviously, at the moment, he doesn't want to).