DP gaming ruining our relationship

[marieneedsaholiday]

My DP plays games with friends at least 4 x a week with headphones on talking. I have no issue with this as I go to the gym or spend some time on my own watching what I want on the TV etc. My problem is him staying up late doing it. I have spoken to him many times about it and have said I want headphones off at 11am, which isn't happening. He has a loud voice and being in a bungalow it's keeping me up at night. I have been in obvious moods with him, told him outright he is being selfish, but nothing happens. Last night I woke up at almost 4am to him laughing his head off with his mates and texted him telling him to shut the f up. He went to sleep on the sofa and now i'm planning to avoid him. I just don't know what to do.

His excuse for playing is because of his PTSD

My oh games and I don't really mind. He doesn't do it excessively and always asks me if I mind (would be pointless saying yes I do mind though as he'd probably sulk lol).

But it does annoy me when I can hear him talking away especially when kids are in bed. How long roughly does he spend online? He always says that time can run away when you're gaming but 4am does sound excessive and I'd be annoyed at getting woken up.

My DP plays xbox every single night. He ignores me if I try to talk to him. He has headphones on too. We never watch anything together or talk about much or go anywhere. I spend every evening and weekend listening to a 47 year old with grandchildren shouting abuse at the telly because somebody didn’t help him. Some days I hate him.

Ella2103 reported

@TheFuckfaceWhisperer that must be hard for you, that's what I don't want in life.

If we are away it doesn't bother him that he can't play, I think its defo what he wants to do rather than an addiction. I also agree that gaming does get away with you and I sometimes game myself on my PC. He does seem to have taken notice and admits he needs to sort out his sleeping pattern. I'm not his mother though and it's up to him to make changes. I'm still looking to move as it's not the only issue we have.

I had an ex who used to do this (it was Warhammer). I started getting home earlier than him and using his PC and pretended to be addicted to Half Life.

He was really agitated (because he was addicted). Eventually he admitted he was addicted and stopped.

The issue wasn’t so much the game but his addictive and selfish personality, he found another addiction after this one.

The relationship ended. I wasted so much time on him.

He is now trying to guilt you over the end of the relationship - pretending he is impacted - trust me, he’s not.

op i remember you from your thread a few weeks ago

I'm coming to the conclusion that I might be in a emotionally abusive relationship and he has so much control over me, without me even realising it. I have been with my partner 2 years, lived together 1 year. I met him in a pretty vulnerable place in my life after a messy divorce and he basically lovebombed me. Now he has me living with him I feel very trapped and walking on egg shells in case I do or say something that upsets him. He is very much only right and will play the victim well if I try and stick up for myself, then I get the cold treatment until I apologise.

He has paid for things to help me out and I now owe him money, so if I spend anything on myself now, I am made to feel guilty that I haven't given that money to him to pay off my debt (which I am paying off every single month). Everything is about his needs and making sure he is ok, he's very selfish and my emotions do not seem to matter. He pushed me into buying his iPhone off him for example when he upgraded, which I think was only because he now can track me on find my iPhone.

I am working 5 days a week with two small children, whilst struggling with BPD because I have been made to feel like I need to earn more money by him (gone from working 3-5 days p/w). He has told me I need to lose weight for him to propose to me, like it is some incentive. He doesn't believe that binge eating disorder exists and that his emotional abuse is making me eat and gain weight. He pushed me into an abortion I didn't want then once it was done he gave me no support (he left me driving his car back to get fixed whilst I was physically losing the baby). Any disagreement leads him to threatening breakup. I stupidly have given up my home for this person and now have no where to go and money owed to him. I have since found out he has been charged with harassment by two ex girlfriends who left him and he ended up going into a mental hospital for suicide attempts because of the break ups.

I am so scared how to leave with two small children. He can be lovely and kind and horrible the next. I have no money and i'm scared to change my daughters school again and worried he would try to do something to hurt me when I leave.

Does this sound like emotional abuse to you? I grew up in an abusive household and having bpd I know sometimes I can see things a bit wrong. He also has Asperger's if that makes a difference.

Gaming is just part of the problem. You need to leave

@Mmmmbrekkie it really is the tip of the iceberg. It's good to see that it isn't just me who thinks the gaming isn't normal to though. He's really done a good job or making me doubt myself.

In regards to leaving, I am making progress it's just very slow. I'll leave soon.