Stop me messaging him!!

[WhatDoesItMean]

So i put a post up yesterday about my ex.
In short:
He lives about 4 hours away (moved recently). This caused a strain, as although we spoke briefly about it, He had no intentions of visiting me; i would always be going out to visit him.
I broke up with him about a month ago because i felt the relationship was all about him i.e. i'd always have to be visiting him as, as mentioned previously, he said he wasnt coming home.
I went 2 weeks NC. He messaged me last week seeming really apologetic. We spoke and i thought we were fine.
We were telling each other we love each other. He said "i love you more" and "i love you so much", and was telling me how much he misses me in his life.

Naturally, i thought we could be getting back together. So the other night, i brought it up about how i'd like to work towards a relationship, especially as were long distance, it'll bring me comfort and security. And how i want to be his girlfriend basically.
And he said something along the lines of we're together but not together. We dont know what the future holds and he doesnt want the pressure of phoning and texting me.
He then claimed he had a headache and i didnt hear off him, until i messaged asking if we could speak to which he replied he still has a headache so he's not going to be staring at his phone.
I sent a reply back saying something along the lines of
I'm taking myself out of the situation. Please dont message me again in a few weeks being all apologetic. I find the way your acting unbelievable and quite disrespectful to our 5 year relationship.
I never would have treated you this way - I never kept you on a string or made you feel any confusion even when you admitted to all those times you cheated last year.
Maybe it's.more fool me but I am actually gone now. There's only so much a person can take and this was not the person i fell in love with and that's me done.

I have the standards of if somebody is erming and erring about me, then they dont deserve any of me.

But he never replied and i'm desperate to write "i dont understand :(" but i know i shouldnt!!
Please stop me. I feel so sick and tearful :,(

Do not reply!!

His response is his reply. That's all you need to know. Block him and start to heal.

If he wanted you in his life, he would make sure you were. Even more if he knows you are upset about it all.

He's told you, you aren't together, together. He's text you so that he can reclaim you, and use you when HE wants to.

You are worth more than this.

He is horrible. There are better men for you out there but you won’t find them until you go through this inevitably shit heartbreak.

Stick with it, don’t have contact with him at all. Better times will come, maybe not as soon as you’d like, but they will.

Don’t message him. He’ll fob you off again and you’ll feel even worse. He’s not going to say anything that makes you feel better is he? He’s treated you badly and you want an explanation. You won’t get one. I guarantee it. Men like this can’t explain themselves because that would be him acknowledging his behaviour. He won’t do that. Instead he’ll read your messages and you’ll be cast in the role of over-emotional, unhinged ex.
As fantastically difficult as it is block him. Don’t contact him. There have been some amazing supportive threads on here about doing 30 days no contact. Do that!! I managed to get there and it’s been about 18 months now.
Going no contact also gives you dignity. You’ll be stronger as days go past and at the end of 30 days you’ll be finding yourself again, moving forward with your head held high. I don’t dismiss how hard the early days are but the pain really will pass

Don't do it, easier said than done, but don't settle for being used.

If i'm reading this right (and reliving my own very similar situation):

For years you've wanted more, you've told him that you needed more, you've told him that its hurting you - and he hasn't done sh!t, he didn't care.
I'm so sorry that it sounds incredibly mean, but you asked for help in stopping and ^ this is what stopped me from going back to 'that guy'.

Delete his number/email/facebook - everything and block him.

Go cold turkey

If he wanted you he would be there with you now

Thanks everybody, i needed to hear this

I would block him. That way you don’t know, he might be trying to contact you. It’s better to be unable to talk rather than waiting for a text that you probably won’t get for a while. Men can be arseholes.

Wow @HollyWoods8224 that hit hard with me. Hearing what you said there totally took me back. That's a really good statement to make.

Don't lose your dignity!

You are worth so, so much more than this.

I hope you delete and block his number.

By the way what I've also been in your situation a couple of times but it does get better. You will get past it/over him.

Realise he is keeping you dangling incase he is bored.

Realise he only contacts you when there is no one else.

Get pissed off about it. How dare he.

My best advice is do loads of work on you. Start going gym, get your hair done, reconnect with old friends and start enjoying life again.

Write a diary of how you feel and really go in to depth about how you feel, fill it in every night. Over time you will start to feel better and you will see it in your writing. When he does message you back - because they always do. Re-read all the stuff and remember how shit he made you feel.

My diary was the biggest strength I got when my ex started sniffing around again.

Onwards and up wards love

@lifegoes - Thankyou, I think I read it online or in a poem somewhere when I was in the same/similar situation as OP, since then I've held it as my little reminder when my mind wanders in the wrong direction.

@HollyWoods8224 I think a lot could relate to that. I know I certainly can and so will OP

I'm keeping that as a reminder.

OP I'm still a few weeks in with NC. I wanted to not get out of bed the first week, I felt lost and missed him. Even though he'd been a vile man. Today I look back and read your post and realise how far I've come. I don't miss him anymore. I'm too busy looking after me. I have moments but I remind myself he's vile

You will get to this point.

Are you surprised this is how he treats you to keep you interested you are going to have to block you can’t honestly think he’s anything other than a prick he’s probably out sniffing a new victim but likes to keep you on the back burner for an ego boost, how’s your ego playing these humiliating games with him, move on please!

You have all literally stopped me sending a message, thank you so much!! I really wouldve regretted it if i had done so! I was just feeling so emotional a few hours ago.

@motherofcreek i love the idea of a diary! Atm.i'm kind of using mumsnet as a diary haha,

@lifegoes i hope i get to that stage pretty soon

He cheated on you multiple times? You really need to delete and block him on everything. You're his fallback girl, that's all, just there for an ego stroke. Stop wasting your time.

@category12 i completely agree, i need to stop being naive

@WhatDoesItMean it will take time and you'll have ups and down days. I found deleting his number and blocking him on all social media the best way.

Deleting his number is my way of not being to contact him should the urge arose. If he contacted me I can ignore and delete it.

Def write down all the things he's done to you and how it made you feel. It does help to keep reading over it

@lifegoes I think the hardest part is ignoring; whenever he messaged saying he's sad or whatever, i found myself feeling sorry for him so replying back.
But he clearly doesnt treat me with the same respect. Saying were together but not together, then going cold turkey on me saying he has a headache when he knew what he said had upset me.
He's clearly a coward who only looks out for himself

Block his number then you don't have the problem.

Block his number and his email address. You deserve better than this.

If easier for you block him. So you can't read his replies.

I found when he would try and get me back, he would come out with the sob story and I'd forget how angry or upset he had made me. But that's because I realise now, he was a manipulative man who would just pull me back in

Just keep telling yourself, would you treat someone like that. Would you continually hurt someone you cared for. No you wouldn't. You are worth so much more than a man who disrespects you in this way and is basically taking you for a mug.

So, in your head, you are now taking back control. He has to learn NOBODY can treat you like this and expect it to be ok. So you hold your head high and walk. No reaction, no listening to him. Head high, block and keep yourself busy.

I commented on your other thread. After 5 years, he changed the relationship boundary to ‘we’re together but not together.’ Total mumbo jumbo. He’s treating you with contempt.

Your message to him asserted your values and drew a line.

Don’t message him. You are not a toy that he can use on a whim.

I can totally feel your pain! Recognising his bullshit is the first step to seeing through it and not playing into his hands.
My recent ex was also manipulative and kept me dangling but there was always an excuse and I was u reasonable for expecting him to do something when he was tired, had chores to do, a big games was on, hadn’t slept well, had had his DD all day or whatever. But I was always at the bottom of the heap.
I read this the other day in a mag when I was at the hairdressers (cheering my sorry ass up) 😁
And I took a pic. I’m not sure if it’s relevant to you but it helped me.
But trust me, step away from the phone!!! It’s a game to him and when you’re emotionally confused you’re a pliable opponent. Beat him at it.

Sorry, the pic is a bit shiny... The first point is “does the relationship deliver a normal, happy day most of the time.”
For me that was a definite NO. My needs weren’t being met at all, I felt disrespected, insecure and anxious quite frequently and I felt that he pushed my buttons. Leave now, don’t look back and do not give him another minute. He doesn’t deserve you x

@amytwinehouse that article is really relevant to me! I was always there for him, when he messaged he was feeling really low the other week, i got back to him as soon as i could, he knew i was upset the other night but left me hanging (and still hasnt got back to me) because he had a headache.
He's very manipulative and i'm starting to see it now. When we used to argue, he'd go days not talking to me or wanting to see me because that's what he needed; it was never what i needed.

He says stuff to keep me pleased such as the other week he said he was looking at trains home to see me because he missed me so much (he never booked anything, suppose it's easy to say though -.-) and that we can both get through anything together.

I'm feeling rather lonely and on my own, My friends completely agree ive done the right thing but everybodys busy for the next 2 weeks so i feel so down, it'll pass though