Aibu?

[schoome]

I'm gutted that grandparents aren't that interested. They want to see grandkids but want to call over to see them not take them out for a walk for 5 minutes just to give us a break. I know I'm not entitled to any help but if they aren't helping out or making my life easier, I have no time for them. AIBU? Should I entertain?

I have twins and it's hard. I know plenty of people find things tough but I am using all my energy. It's really hard.

You sound tired and stressed and that may impact your judgement and decisions. Personally after spending most of my adult life working and looking after my children I have no intention to spend the rest of it looking after my grandchildren. I may do a 5 minute walk like you mention, or the odd looking after them when I'm available and willing and someone asks nicely, but I'm definitely not the free babysitting type.

Yeah I'm stressed. I've made changes to my life that hopefully will mean an easier life (I've left work) so we only have our partner's
Income. We can't afford childcare , it would be over £100 a day or we'd hire a nanny. It's really hard and I'm gutted they aren't helping - I know it's their life and we aren't entitled to anything but what I'm saying is I can't keep contact because I have enough on my plate. They aren't entitled to a relationship to see the twins from me either.

Have you asked if they'd like to take them for a walk?

Unless there is some backstory you're not telling us then you are overreacting. Cutting them off because they don't want to provide childcare is something you'll regret in the longer term.

Why?

In what ways do you want them to help out and make your life easier. Are you talking about the ocassional sleepover or are you talking about childcare because otherwise you can't afford it.

You say you can't keep contact because you have enough on your plate. So basically you are manipulating the situation and saying no help, then no grandkids.

If this is the case then yes YABU, massively.

I'm not manipulating , I'm saying I can't do it anymore.

I want them to suggest taking them
Out for a walk sometimes - "hi we are wondering if you'd like us to take them out for a walk this morning , we are going for a walk anyway" - which they do.

The occasional sleepover would be amazing.

You won't keep in touch with them unless they help out, is that right? Have you explained that to them to see how they respond?

OP, you're going to be exhausted either way, but cutting out family for no real reason other than being tired seems massively dramatic, unless they actively drain your energy levels further by being in your life.

I'm not saying no grandkids - i'm just saying I'm very busy and tired and can't have them over. They are welcome to take them out if they want a walk.

Because it doesn't work like that. You chose to have children, and they shouldn't have to pick up the slack because you're finding it hard. Of course it's great if they WANT to help out but they are not obliged to. My Ex DH's parents loved my DS but they didn't want to babysit or anything. Yeah it made me sad but I accepted it, and just used to take him to see them as I wanted him to have a nice relationship with them, which he did.

Twins are hard work, maybe they don't feel like they can cope or don't want to cope but that is their choice.

Cant do what? Sit down while people visit and hold the babies? Youre over reacting to nothing.

When they arrive say ‘great ill go and have a shower. Feel free to make yourselves a cup of tea’ and leave them to it while you do somehing else.

How old are the twins?

I'm not saying no grandkids - i'm just saying I'm very busy and tired and can't have them over. They are welcome to take them out if they want a walk

Your original OP didn't read like that at all. Well that seems fair enough then, do that and see if it makes a difference.

Yeah I guess you're right it's important for kids to have contact with grandparents. Maybe I need to drop something else from my life to get more energy.

1

It just hurts that I'm going through a tough time and They arent there to offer support. I know im not entitled to it - i just thought they were like that. Willing to help when things got tough because thats what family are like. When people are old they expect family to visit and have a cup of tea.

My parents are similarly disinclined. I started by popping into other rooms to make phone calls, letting them know I'd not had a minute and was so grateful for them helping me out. Then slowly added in doing a few more jobs as needed. But I make sure I spend time with them too. They do visit to see me too.

The most they've done, after years of surreptitious training, is watch them while I popped out for a drs appointment. They'll happily watch them for an hour or so whilst I do some jobs in the house or garden. It's never going to be weekend sleepovers, but it is what it is. My children love to see them, love nannies cakes etc. The grandparents love them, they just can't cope with childcare.

Have you posted about this before under a different name?

There’s been a few of these threads this week, and this is the second one with twins.

Either way, YBU. You’re not entitled to grandparents helping you out. I think that’s a luxury and most people won’t have that support you’re looking for but it isn’t a reason to cut contact.

I don’t get why you would say you’re too tired/busy to have them over? Surely them coming to your house would ease the burden somewhat as they would be interacting with your children while you have a brew?

Are you going through a tough time in other ways or are you just struggling because you have babies. Babies are hard, especially twins and 1 is still so young. it will get better as they get older, so they probably don't see it as you are going through a tough time, you're just bringing up a family.

My first thought is, so they know you're struggling? You clearly haven't asked for help, as you just expect them to offer?

They don't have to help, as others have said, but maybe they would be willing if you told them that you need it. You do really sound like you are struggling a lot though. Perhaps speak to your HV and see if there is anything available locally.

It's from other areas I'm having a tough time but i have resolved some im just tired .

I think its just our generation its quite hard for us with house prices etc. I dont think parents understand - they had free university , a good nhs , good house prices. Everything in the uk is falling apart at the moment. Its a tough time and to see them swanning about complaining about things and how hard their lives are just annoys me.

Have you posted before and got quite shirty when people disagreed with you ??? That op was calling the gp's 'cowards' for not looking after the twins.

How old are your twins?

No