We had a minor misunderstanding this morning. He assumed I was pissed off, but I wasn't, and I assured him of that.
I went out to do some errands. I ended up having a really terrible morning with various things going wrong, and receiving some bad news about a dear friend. So, an emotional morning.
I came home and he starts on me again about this minor disagreement. I simply said "Ive actually had a really awful morning, I've already said I'm not bothered about this morning. I really don't want an argument now, I already feel upset."
And he just blew up. He shouts "I'm trying to talk to you, you've had your say. Listen to me or I swear I'll punch something."
So I held my hands up and calmly repeated I don't want an argument, can he leave me alone. I start walking away and he's going mental at me shouting not to walk away from him. I did walk away, because he was terrifying me. I shut the door and he's shouting "don't you fucking walk away and shut the door when I'm talking."
And then he starts smashing the house up. Threw the shopping I'd bought across the room, kicked the chairs and table over, threw the kitchen stools at wall etc just in a blind rage.
Honestly I was so terrified. He's never been like that, it was so scary. So I ran up the stairs and shut myself in the bathroom and he came up shouting and pushed his way in. I screamed at him to leave me alone and said he was scaring me. The whole time he was just bellowing at me, screaming just random horrible things. I shut him out again and again he pushed his way in, and I screamed at him to get out and screamed that he was being like my dad. And then he stormed off, still shouting random shit about me.
My whole body was shaking, I genuinely feared that he was going to physically attack me because I've never seen him like that it was so out of character. He's obviously a lot bigger and stronger than me. It took me a while to calm down, I think i was in shock. Actually think I still am.
I went down stairs and he's cleaning up the mess he's made.
I told him hed really scared me and id thought he was going to attack me.
He was apologetic that he'd lost his temper, although still trying to argue his point about the morning disagreement. He said of course hed never hit me, but he was a total stranger when he lost it - I think if I'd argued back or wound him up instead of retreating, I could see him lashing out at me. Maybe not, I don't know. It was like he was possessed.
Basically I just don't know how to feel now. I feel really disappointed in him and I don't want to look at him. 20 years I've know him, he's hot headed but he's never scared me before. It was such a horrible feeling.
The thing is, I grew up in a abusive household. So things like shouting and throwing around furniture really, really trigger me. So maybe I'm overreacting? Maybe I overreacted because it felt scarier to me becayse of my childhood?
Right now he's acting all maudlin, and limping because he hurt his foot kicking the furniture. Am I meant to be sympathetic? I don't feel like he's that sorry. He just said he was annoyed because he thought I was wound up about the morning disagreement (even though I think we've established by now that I wasn't!) And also he said he was getting increasingly angry as the morning went on because he was doing a diy project that went wrong. And then he just flipped. He also pointed out that he's upset too, I upset him. And I said, ok but you scared me. You made me feel unsafe but I don't think he fully understands what's it's like to be the woman in these situations. I said "what if the kids had been here and seen that?" But he didn't have an answr.
I just needed to tell someone, can't say this in real life or they'd never look at him the same way.