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Original poster

Boyfriend Asking Ex To Take Him Back

31 replies

RedLipClassic · 18/02/2019 10:14

Hi everyone, hoping for a little insight, thanks.

I've been with my bf for 6 months. We had a rough start as we both left our partners to be together and he had to leave the house he bought with his ex and move into the flat I share with my housemates but it has felt worth it as we've been so in love and seemed to be on the right track.

However, last week I found messages he had sent earlier in the week to his ex asking her to take him back. Saying he had made a mistake and wanted to spend his life with her. I found the messages as he had been signed into messenger on my tablet and must have forgot to sign out so it was a total shock. When I confronted him he didn't try to deny it and I asked him to leave.

The next day though he was sending me so many messages saying that he did want to be with me and had just been down about missing the life that he had built with his ex and didn't actually miss her. He says he knows I am the one for him and he feels so stupid for what he has done. He says he'll get rid of social media and be totally transparent with me if it makes me trust him again.

I want to believe we could make things right because I have never felt this way about anyone before, I feel so deeply in love with him and am sure he is who I'm meant to be with. I am worried though because his ex turned him down and I can't stop wondering if that's why he's trying to make things right with me.

My two friends that I have told are basically in agreement that I would be mad to try again with him as I have no ties to him eg. marriage, kids, mortgage and they are saying that the fact he left his ex for me and now has done this is proof that he is at heart a dishonest person. But they don't know how he is with me and how he makes me feel.

Any impartial advice would be so appreciated.

OP posts:
Heartbrokengirl14 · 18/02/2019 10:19

You have only been going out for a short while! Run

Crustaceans · 18/02/2019 10:19

You were the OW and now he’s got you and his ex doing the pick me dance. Or at least he’s trying to.

Seriously, it’ll never work and just be a whole load of drama and heartbreak.

bluebell34567 · 18/02/2019 10:22

sorry but i think your friends are right.

LadyMinerva · 18/02/2019 10:30

Your instincts are correct. He tried to get back with the ex, she rejected him so now he is trying to get back with you. Like a second place consolation prize.

I'm sorry to say that it will not work out. You will be forever wondering if he would rather be with her.

Find someone worthy of you. That will treat you like a first place trophy.

PlumPorter · 18/02/2019 10:47

I wouldn't bother. Cut your losses and run. You'd never be able to trust him - he had his head turned by the OW and his wife/marriage/life no longer felt exciting.

My exh tried almost exactly the same thing. He ended it with the OW, wanted to come back to me, wanted to try again but I didn't want him by then. He sat in my living room a few months after having left (he'd come round so we could go to an event at our daughter's school together), crying and saying he loved me and he didn't want to throw everything away. I asked him if she knew that he was crying and telling me that? He said no. I asked if he told her he loved her too. He said yes. And I just told him he was pathetic.

Eventually, he told me he was going back to her to try and "salvage" something from the situation and because he wanted "to make the best of a bad situation".

You must think you're worth being more than "the best of a bad situation"?

PlumPorter · 18/02/2019 10:49

At the very least, he needs some time on his own to sort out his feelings rather than richocheting between two women.

leigh39 · 18/02/2019 10:57

Did his ex reply and refuse ... I would say that was a true request to his ex and a natural emotion ... maybe the novelty has worn off now and he come to the reality he made a Mistake however if his ex does not want him back and he knows that he's gonna chase you as he has nothing else .... I wouldn't entertain it and not be second best to anyone your worth so much more love x

PlumPorter · 18/02/2019 11:00

I had a friend who was also the OW and the same thing happened to her Hmm

He did the same as this man. She took him back. He messed her around for a couple of years and then dumped her and went off with someone else.

She's been heartbroken over the man she had planned her future with and it's really hard for her friends because the reality was there for everyone else to see.

KennyCalmIt · 18/02/2019 11:03

The ex doesn’t want him back and he knows that - that’s probably the only reason why he wants to stay with you

Sorry OP. Even if that’s not actually true you’ll always be worrying that’s the only reason why he’s with you.
He is full of crap and is only looking out for himself. 6 months in and the novelty is wearing off for him, he’s realised he made a mistake, and tried going back with his tail between his legs. She told him where to go. You’re probably second best - get rid.

Orange6904 · 18/02/2019 14:08

Sounds like a mess but then what do you expect? Sorry to be rude but he left his partner that he lived with? How do you think he will treat you and vice versa. How horrible for your partners.

Good luck!!

ImNotKitten · 18/02/2019 14:26

You lose them as you find them. Cut your losses now before you’re a few years down the line and really committed to him when he find another woman he wants to be with.

HeyCarrieAnneWhatsYourGame · 18/02/2019 14:30

And the voice of bitter experience: RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN. If he loved you he wouldn’t be messaging the ex asking to get back together. Sorry, I know it’s harsh but of course he’s asking do come back to you because the ex turned him down. I will say it again: RUN.

Myheartbelongsto · 18/02/2019 14:36

I love a bit of karma.

LargeGlassofWhiteWine · 18/02/2019 15:50

Apogies if this is harsh but you were a bit of fun but he's realised that life with you wasn't as good for him as life with her and he's tried to go crawling back to her. To him, she's the #1 choice. She's (rightly) told him to F-off (smart woman) and so he's come back to you, option 2, the consolation prize, cos he can't have his preferred option. And from what you're saying you'll take him back and line yourself up for heartbreak --not undeserved imo given you cheated on your ex with this man-.
It's true that if he cheats with you he'll cheat on you. He's tried to do that with his ex (unsuccessfully) and you can put money on him doing it with someone else if you stay with him.

Nampoo · 18/02/2019 15:56

it shouldn't be difficult after just 6 months - you get treated how you expect to be treated. deep down you maybe always knew you might get your just desserts

Original poster
RedLipClassic · 18/02/2019 15:57

Ah it's all so hard to hear, probably because I know deep down it's true. It's hard to stay strong when he's telling me everything I want to hear.

And not that it matters but I hand on heart didn't cheat on my ex. I broke up with him before I'd even spoken to my current boyfriend about my feelings because I knew if I could feel so strongly for someone else the relationship wasn't right. I'm quite young so not married etc so it felt the right thing to do.

OP posts:
MumsyJ · 18/02/2019 16:11

Listen to the wise words PPs are saying above. And listen to your friends. They have hit the nail on the head.

I'm sorry OP, but this man is full of shit. Run!

Mitzimaybe · 18/02/2019 16:22

his ex turned him down and I can't stop wondering if that's why he's trying to make things right with me

You are quite right that's why he's trying to make things right with you. He'd rather keep you than be homeless and single. He will promise you the earth until something better comes along, at which point you won't see him for dust. Bin him off.

Adora10 · 18/02/2019 16:28

He didn't deny, well how could he when you had the evidence.

Please give yourself some self worth, they guy has been trying to get back with his ex, she has turned him down and now he is declaring you are the love of his life, get real OP, look to his actions, he's probably just worried he won't have anywhere to crash now.

Get rid, you can do so much better.

MoyoGaza · 18/02/2019 16:33

I think you need to take a hard look at yourself and be convinced about your own identity. You sound like you are revelling in his adoration and enjoying what could be a little more than flattery.
You speak of having been in so much love etc, but I wonder if he really sees things the same way.
The overwhelming opinion on this platform seems to says Red light - caution - run for the hills. Maybe you know something we don't, but the fact he tried to go back to his first partner is curious. Can you stomach the fact that you are a 'spare wheel' in a way?
Have some self respect and at the very least stay in separate places for a month. Let him earn your trust. If you don't, you risk throwing yourself into his arms - and trust me - no man is worth that.

Pinkybutterfly · 18/02/2019 16:38

Take time to heal and see how you both feel. He may be saying the truth but he has lied to you. You need a better foundation ground for a good relationship. He is human and is allowed to make mistakes. Follow your gut and your heart. He wouldn't give up on a house etc in the first place of he didn't love you. Sorry xxx

Jaxhog · 18/02/2019 16:43

If you actually like being his second choice, then stay. I wouldn't.

ukgift2016 · 18/02/2019 16:43

You cannot trust this man. He has shown himself to a be a cheater and disloyal, to his ex and now you.

You would be crazy to waste anymore time on this guy.

SandyY2K · 18/02/2019 16:58

Don't take him back. He's too flaky and he is a high cheat risk as you know.

SandyY2K · 18/02/2019 17:04

So after 6 months together...he asks his Ex to take him back. Then because she said no.....you're suddenly all he ever wanted!

Tell him to leave you alone and block him.

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