Help- advice on whether to tell my ex’s new gf

[Charlie09]

Hi
My ex and I were together for 14 years. We split up last July. I ended it as he was horrible to me constantly and I didn’t feel loved. He fondled my friends foot in front of me on a night out (has previously had an affair when I was pregnant with our second child). He became ill the end of 2017 and when he came out of hospital he was argumentative and nasty etc. I had enough and just wanted him to finally realise he loved me. When he first left he would still come over and told me he loved me etc. But he still wasn’t showing it. Then he met someone else and instantly said he doesn’t love me and never has. I was devestated. I didn’t know him and this woman were together to start with (he just said he had been on dates with someone from a dating site).. he slept with me still and was jealous of my every move etc. His behaviour towards me continued but then I found out who this woman was and sent her a message on Facebook if she was seeing my ex as he won’t leave me alone etc. Then he updated Facebook he was in a relationship with her! Anyway.. I feel I’ve been going around in circles for months now. I try and cut contact and he won’t let me and then blames me. He then flirts with me etc so I tell him not to come in the house (which he doesn’t listen to). I have told his new gf several times of his behaviour but they think I’m the crazy ex as he’s told her so many lies.
Anyways.. stupidly he got the kids Saturday and we ended up having sex. He then felt guilty after and told me if I contacted her and told her he’d have me for harassment. I know I shouldn’t have slept with him but I still love him and keep wanting him back to be a family. He said he treated me badly as he didn’t love me and had an affair as he was miserable with me etc but he says he loves this new woman but cheated on her three times now? He can’t see his own behaviour?? I’m his emotional punching bag who gets blamed for everything! Yet he won’t leave me alone and he’s lying and cheating on her but says he loves her and did it to me because he didn’t. It’s so contradictory.
My question is.. should I tell her or just leave it now? We’ve agreed no contact now (we’ve repeatedly said this).. he now wants it as he’s scared of losing her.

This is why this woman isn’t who he makes her out to be either as she’s seen and heard him do all this and stuck by him! Yet he makes out she’s the nicest person in the world. I just want to get me sorted.

@Charlie I can’t help noticing that you keep referring back to his girlfriend as if you are in competition with her and wish to beat her and ‘win’. You must realise that this is not the right train if thought if you are going to get through this intact. You are on the wrong path of thought and need to jump onto a different one. This isn’t about you vs her. This is about you and getting back control of your life and realising that you are not in competition with her because it is not a prize you wish to win.

Oh and well done not picking up the phone. You have started down the right path. But it is going to be long and hard and will require great resolve. This thread is here to remind you and help

Have you ever sought help from your GP in terms of anxiety and intrusive thinking?

It concerns me that you let him inside your head and you seem to spiral... I see that you didn't answer him so that was a step forward.

As NTFT has mentioned please look at the freedom programme and see your GP.