My husband left suddenly

[LJC1979]

My husband announced out of the blue that he didn’t love me anymore a week ago. Since then he has moved out into a flat and we have told all our friends and family that we have split up. It has been a real rollercoaster over the last week - I am really struggling to understand where it went wrong and my husband has agreed to go to counselling. I know that will probably not change his mind but I need more than ‘I just don’t feel the same way about you’ to move on. I just don’t really know what to do for the best though - my emotions are swinging wildly and I go from feeling positive about going to counselling to thinking what is the point within hours. I call him constantly and I can’t figure out how to disconnect. As with a lot of people I’ve neglected friendships over the years so that my husband is the only person now who really knows me :(

Goodness! Typos.

mrsmuddlepies maybe in a way be did her a favour by telling her?

sounds- wounds!

This phone is frustratingly uncooperstive today! Apologies.

LJC, I am very sorry that you’ve had this terrible shock. Making plans, affection at the party......then gone.

You do need much support, but not from the person who has suddenly thrown a grenade into your life.

If he was upset about your parents’ presence, he would have discussed that, and it wouldn’t have affected his love for you. There is likely an OW, and she may have recently issued an ultimatum, hence his hasty move.

You want to seek couples counseling for closure, but if he has been cheating, he will likely lie to you and the counselor, thereby sabotaging the process.

You, however, need to have the support of individual counseling to express your feelings and organize your thoughts, as you gain your equilibrium and make decisions for you and your child.

Op if you’ve had the conversation with him that goes - ok I’ll ask my parents to move out ASAP and will you come back therefore - and he still says no. Then your parents are not the reason but an excuse/contributing factor

Sounds like he has been a pretty okay husband before this OP which makes it so much harder to let go. Resist the temptation to contact him unless about arrangements for your dc. It does sound like he has been planning this for a while though, because if it was sudden he wouldn’t have had chance to organise a flat for himself.

It would worry me tbh that your parents need to live with you. Surely they can get a housing commission home (council house I think you guys call it there)? Most parents would feel a sense of shame if they can't financially look after themselves and need to impose on their children. Normally it is the opposite. Surely together combined your parents can rent something or get a council house? It is not much of a family unit for you and your husband if your parents are living with you, that would impact even the strongest relationships. I'm surprised your parents agreed to it, tbh, and that they didn't offer to move out. I'm so sorry for your husband's behaviour, and not having any answers understandably makes it worse. I don't have much useful to add except I think it is time for your parents to stand on their own feet and stop imposing on you, regardless of what happens. It's just not healthy. And I've seen it many times on here; where a couple is living with inlaws or parents, and, yeah..... it just never really ends well.

That's awful, poor you but weirdly this will make you stronger.
You need to stop running after him, honestly, get angry, he is telling you loud and clear he does not value you and is not bothered about losing you, he's moved on and has reiterated it again that he is not coming back; you need to believe him.

Get angry, show him you don't need him because right now he sees a needy woman that is confirming he did the right thing.

I'd also suspect OW.

How long will it take until you start to feel better? I would say the initial shock, unable to sleep , eat, lasts for around 6 weeks. However the hell still goes on and life as you expected it to be will be changed forever. You want answers, however he will probably be telling you what you want to hear at the moment. It may not be the case but men seldom leave a half decent marriage unless there is someone else waiting in the wings, so prepare yourself for that to come out eventually. Try to go no contact I think it is something called the 60 day rule, this is for your own sanity, stop searching for answers. I also do not think you should ask your parents to leave at the moment, you may need them. Possibly later down the line if there is any hope of your dh returning you could consider this. Look after yourself, try to eat , force anything down and look after yourself.

I think marriage breakup is like a grief and there are stages disbelief, anger, sadness, acceptance. My dh ended our 14 yr marriage suddenly after saying he no longer loved me; he was seeing someone else. It was a terrible shock and I thought i’d never get over it but I did.. slowly. Be kind to yourself and do things to make you feel good. Now 14 yrs later i’m glad he ended it life has been so much better

Sadly the person you/I knew and loved no longer lives within inside them and there really is nothing you could have said or done to change this so please don’t blame yourself x

@Missbee90 said it perfectly!

Give yourself time. And be kind to yourself and learn to love yourself again.