Unsexy in pregnancy and porn

[Ellaaa]

Hi I’m a bit nervous because I already feel like I sound ridiculous but here goes!

Me and my partner have always had a very active sex life, it’s always been a big part of our relationship and we both love it. I’m currently 32 weeks pregnant and for a number of reasons our sex life has been really affected. We had a previous late miscarriage so early on I was just too terrified to do anything. I’ve managed to over come that and I’m so glad however I’ve got a whole different issue now. I don’t feel that I’m ugly but I don’t feel like I’m sexy either, there’s no way my partner can fancy me the same with all the changes that have happened. My libido is back and I really want to have sex a lot more, I have SPD and other back problems which means I just can’t do a whole lot, even to the point where I just have to lie there, can’t even last very long on all fours. I’ve caught him watching porn quite a few times now and I’ve tried so hard to be logical about it but I just feel sad anyway... I’m gutted that I can’t ‘please’ him properly anymore, and there’s no way I can compete with how they have sex on the porn he watches (and it’s pretty mild generic stuff). Obviously I have no right to be annoyed with him or anything but it’s still really affecting me... I can’t remember before pregnancy and this situation even wondering let alone worrying about porn. But I just can’t get it out of my head, I tried to get it on with him this morning and it probably sounds funny (I might laugh about it in a week) but I was so uncoordinated even just trying to lean and reach around him that I smacked my head right on the temple on his elbow! I then immediately remembered how I’m not sexy and I can’t do sexy things for him and I made up an excuse so I could go and cry.... I’m not really sure what to do... I know it won’t be an issue when baby’s here but I’m so sick of feeling inadequate :( I have spoke to him about this and he says all the right things about how porn isn’t like that for men and he doesn’t compare me or anything like that. But even still no matter how hard I try I keep picturing him wanking over this gorgeous women that I just can’t compete with, even makes me feel a bit sick tbh. I feel like a right muppet for having an issue with porn, and I can see how I’m probably being unreasonable not wanting him to do it but I still just really really don’t want him too :( I haven’t actually asked him not to, at first I asked him if he could not do it when I’m home but he did it anyway but then tbf I’m off sick from work so I’m home all the time! I have been doing other stuff for him, I feel like he gets it quite good with the amount of random blowjobs he gets... but then it’s obviously not enough? Sorry this is a really long rambling post, I’m a tad emotional and hormonal!

Thanks for your input everyone, it does actually help to see the different opinions on it. I’m planning on having another chat with my partner but I think I need to get my own head straight on what I actually want! I can’t expect him to know what to do when I’m not even sure at this point what I’m asking for! Going to try and sort of plan out what I want to say and stuff, heads all over the place and hormones don’t help! I agree that I do need to get out more, it’s a bit tricky at the moment with my SPD being so bad but it’s been a little better recently! I do have a habit of getting a bit stuck on things and I think I’m a bit stuck on this issue!

Iownmanyleatherboundbooks I too apologise for any offense or annoyance I may have caused you during this (yes it is always lively when it comes to this subject) debate.

And yes, in this situation, I do tend to agree with you!

Ellaaa glad it has helped. Is swimming OK with SPD? Good luck.

@Italiangreyhound

I was trying to point out for the people who use it, it's a means to an end not some partner comparison fap-fest.

I didn't mention the words desperate need anywhere so im not sure where that's come from

Closetbeanmuncher I was taking the desperate need from someone else who was implying it was a 'need' (rather than a want, so to speak), so I am not sure if it is 'need', as in a physical urge, why the need to use something to aid it. If that makes sense. Maybe it doesn't make sense so don't worry. I do understand what you mean, maybe that it is not personal? Thanks.

Yes I do understand what you mean Italian, and as leather bound said someone who uses and someone who is dead against are not compatible. This is why its so important for partners to be honest with each other in the beginning sexually.

To be honest I find 85% of porn to be a barrell scrapings, which has distorted male sexuality and promoted poor technique, but there are a smaller selection of more tasteful movies available.

Im certain in some people it does cause problems, and perpetuates madonna-whore complex in those with an underlying predisposition.

However, In theory ops other half has presumably used it all the way through the relationship, the only reason she's concerned presently being that she doesn't feel able to perform sexually to the extent she would before pregnancy. The changes in body shape, pain and mood are exasperating these feelings of inadequacy.

Imo you should always let a partner know if their behaviour is causing distress, but I do think in this case it will resolve itself naturally without the need for ultimatums.

Bolster that self esteem op 💅💄🏊💆