Threatening/physical violence. 'It won't happen again' does this ever work out true?

[toddle]

Had a incident the other day with 'd'p it ended with his face touching my face and using his head to shove me back if that makes sense. Kind of like a head butt but without the space in between, before the impact (no idea if anyone will understand this). It hurt my nose but no cuts, bleeds or bruising. He then said something I can't remember what exactly (was in shock) but it was to the outcome he was going to punch me or hurt me. Dd was stood there I looked at her and said are you sure you want to do that. It kind of looked like he 'woke up' at this point. Said no he didn't went and picked her up. I can honestly say I think if dd hadn't been there I would have got punched or something.

I left immediately and told him he needed to be gone by the time I was back. He then began mocking me for being scared and leaving with dd.

My sole name on tenancy so he left that very night I told him under no terms could I accept that.

Maybe a week prior to this he had a mardy on about something (can't remember what) and threatened me with physical violence for what I believe to be the first time. It stuck out massively to me like 'OMG why would he just say that' then this the very next time. I've explained to him how abusive relationships start then ramp up what could it be next time etc but he swears it will never happen again.

I know he has been very very stressed recently through things somewhat out of his control and I feel sorry for him the circumstances he has been put in recently but I would never ever do this to someone I 'love' let alone mock them afterwards.

I obviously love him and it's hard to hear all the 'right' things coming out of his mouth and of course I want to believe him but does it ever work like that?

Thanks in advance for any advice.

I really just want to say how amazingly brave you have been and appreciate how difficult this must be for you, it's obvious you love your babies so much and are putting them before anything else. You are an inspiration, it can take years to get out of such relationships and even though it only happened the once you have been strong and savvy enough to realise it would only get worse if you stayed. I wish I had the courage to walk away sooner than I did like you have. It would have saved years of heartbreak and a nervous breakdown. If he was genuinely sorry and shocked by what he did he would have sought help straight away to ensure it would never happen again, but he's like all abusers, manipulative and selfish and just saying what he thinks you need to hear to benefit himself! It definitely will happen again and each time it will get a little bit worse and maybe even kill you leaving your babies behind, I know you know all this but please stay strong and stick to your guns, you sound like a genuinely lovely person who deserves her happy ever after you have done amazing so far

Contact the police or if you don't feel.confident to contact women's aid.

Also change your locks

Sorry just read about Sally too, he's using her to make you jealous and hopefully stir up enough insecurity in you to take him back, how can he claim to love you and want you back but do this with Sally? He's emotionally abusing you too, he sounds like he has the potential to be very dangerous he's definitely very calculating, if he was genuine in anyway he would concentrate on getting help and proving his worth, not trying to make you feel threatened by other women I'm sorry but I hate this man he's a narcissistic twat! I would cut all ties and tell him to have a nice life with Sally.

"Sally" is just another one or the abusive man's tactics for if you seem to be resisting taking him back.

You need him out of the house. Not your problem where he goes. He can go to a friend's house, or a "friend's", but you are not safe with him in yours.

Well done for staying strong and deciding he can't stay. He is doing this to purely make you jealous to try and reel you back in.
If he genuinely cared, he wouldn't be off on dates with another woman.

It's all about control with abusive men and he's realised that he's losing it so he's trying a different method.

Thankyou all.

He cancelled last night because 'he could see how much it hurt me'. Only after he drove out of the road mind. Not while getting dressed or anything else.

Sally does school runs at the school my son goes to for her niece/newphew. I know her brother/sister in law actually as one is in the same year as ds. Sally had obviously been searching me on fb as she popped up on that recommended. I messaged her last when I saw that last night just saying his completely single so they can do what they want although I do know they were messaging when we were together. However we only broke up last week because he head butted me, he has issues with violence, anger drugs and cheating but it's up to her basically.

I've tried to tell him as much as sally may be good for him, he is no good for sally or anyone until he has sorted things himself.

I'm not 100% sure how I feel about messaging that now but if he went and did the same to her I would then feel awful with her brother/sis in law asking me why I never told them. I didn't want to involve them so just told her.

I'm ashamed to say I told him
I had cheated on him. Which categorically isn't true but it seems so unfair I feel the pain for loosing my family and everything he has done, then he makes out his the one hurting. Probably was far from the best thing to do I was just in such a shitty place of mind last night after that. I kind of also thought it might just make him not want to be with me then I wouldn't have to hear how much he wants me back. Didn't work out like that he now just thinks me and him have both done wrong let's work on it.

I think I'm going to book an appointment at the drs and see about getting some counselling/therapy and then it should also get it logged down somewhere too.

My heads exhausted

I think you're still involving yourself far too much. It's not going to end well.

Please just cut all forms of contact unless it's regarding dc.

Yes your right I realise this in the cold light of day. What he has done. How it has made me feel then react.

I do not want to do this. I want to be strong. I want to be alone. Feel like I've let myself down last night

Don't feel bad. You're only human and we all have moments of weakness.

Whenever you react, he reels you back in. Cut yourself free and start fresh today. Take control back of your life.

He's doing everything to get a reaction out of you. Don't give him one. Your life is your life and his life is his. Do incredible things with yours and leave him to self destruct by himself. Don't be dragged down with him xxx

Look, don’t waste your time feeling bad about what you said and did last night.

You’re coping well but you’re under alot of pressure and you are only human, we all slip up.

Ok so, not perfect but it won’t matter in the wrong run. It might even help you get free of him actually.

What matters is that you disentangle yourself from his life and all his manipulations and emotional ups and downs. If he’s still living under your roof, how can you be strong and set good boundaries? How can you even start to get over him? Of course you’ll be weakening and getting caught up in all his shit!

I can well imagine him asking you to do his hair before he goes out on his date. Sounds exactly like the kind of thing my ex would do. Couldn’t see why it would be breaking my heart, so then I was the crazy person behaving unreasonably! And then the sudden turn around saying he does care about your feelings... yeah but only after torturing you and seeing you go through that and not flinching or giving an inch to you, not until after he’s enjoyed that moment. He wants to feel the power he still has over you... only when he’s satisfied that he can still control you, and when he’s got his kick out of hurting you, only then does he feel like stopping. It’s another form of abuse really... he’s pressing all your buttons. And you need to put some distance in between him and you, because he’s got no reason to stop doing this. And you need to put some space around you between you and anyone he will use to get at you indirectly, through other people, like this Sally person.

Be kind to yourself and dig out some space all around you to keep yourself safe and protected. It’s you being very kind to yourself, and pulling out the plug on his power over you.