Cadbury I’d also recommend seeking out groups like adult children of alcoholics or similar, I found that very useful in unpicking the issues around my childhood.
I had counselling too, for the best part of a year. It was a gradual process, it’s not like I woke up one morning and walked straight into a healthy relationship. But the more work I did on myself, the better I got at recognising my patterns of behaviour and also the red flags in the men I was dating. Once I could see it, I couldn’t ignore it. So my filtering process became more effective.
I travelled on my own for a while. Did some things that pushed me out of my comfort zone and made me feel brave and strong, which boosted my self-esteem. I also spent that time just being really kind to myself. Reading, exercising, eating well, sleeping well, massages on the beach most days (I was in Thailand and Cambodia, etc), weekly mani-pedis. Just loved myself.
Also, I know this is gonna sound cheesy, but mumsnet has helped me a lot. The relationship and feminism boards have been a real education for me. As well as validation that there’s nothing wrong with me.