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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Feeling unappreciated ..a tiny rant

40 replies

Spanglyprincess1 · 13/02/2019 08:39

So so and it is a tiny rant, I feeling cheesed off. I've saved very hard for a very long time and purchased a house (no morgage). I'm immensely proud of myself for this - it needed a lot of work doiñg hence the low price but is in great school catchment for ds and near my mom. Works now done, three months of ripping stuff out and painting etc myself to keep bills down while juggling rtw and young baby. Rte early to meet costs for renovation so house is ready for young ds and DSC as kids in a building site isn't fair.

House is soley in my name as I bought it. But dp his three kids plus our joint baby will be living there. He has done nothing to help me get house ready ! No painting no nothing or even paid for paint/furniture for his kids rooms. I'm shattered and run down, working managing baby and the house. I know it's my house but it will be our home and essentially he will only be paying half bills when we move so housing himself and four kids for under 400 quid a month (bargain).
I don't expect him to be greatful but maybe help out or clean it or help - or even just say wow it looks amazing your doing a great job, thanks for all the hard work. He keeps saying he will help but is busy and wants a list or is bad at jobs so dosnt get round to it.
My brother is only perosn whose said wow you've done amazingly well to save up and do this yourself (silly but it meant a lot to me).
Not sure what this post achieves...but helps me feel better.

OP posts:
Burlea · 13/02/2019 08:46

Well done, I'm sure you have got a lovely home now. But please make sure your dp understands that if you split up he has no claim on your home.
Sorry to be negative but I've read lots of threads on mm where it's gone tits up.

punishmepunisher · 13/02/2019 08:47

Cocklodger alert.

How long have you been together?

MitMopse · 13/02/2019 08:47

Wow, that does sound like an amazing achievement! I'm just a stranger but take a huge Well Done from me!

I hate to put a dampener on things but if your partner is like this about such a huge undertaking I dread to think what he will be like about the daily mundane workload a family household brings.....food for thought?

MsPavlichenko · 13/02/2019 08:47

He is showing you who he is. His actions here are more important than what he is saying.

I'd think very carefully about what you want here.

Hazlenutpie · 13/02/2019 08:48

And you’re with your DP, for what exactly? You’ve depicted him as a massive cock lodger.

You’ve done incredibly well, now tell DP to fuck off.

Windgate · 13/02/2019 08:49

Serious question: why are you planning on allowing this lazy cocklodger and his offspring to take advantage of you?

If you insist on moving him in get legal advice to ensure he can't claim an interest in your home and charge him rent

Aethelthryth · 13/02/2019 08:51

See a solicitor. By living on you and being dependent upon you for accommodation he may acquire rights in the house which you have bought and worked on. You need to protect yourself

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 13/02/2019 08:54

Hello! I've got documents signed from him saying he has no interest in house as it was an asset held soley pre relationship and he's not contributing to the morgage as their isn't one. So I'm covered legally.

We have a baby together, been together 2.5 years. It makes everything harder as I want baby to have a happy home life. He does half of childcare eg costs /time and bills etc.

Thanks for the positives though. I'm proud of myself but it's been a very hard/long slog.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 13/02/2019 08:54

Tell him you want 400 quid a month per person from him when he moves in.

Should take care of the problem straight away.

Seriously OP, take a step back and look at it for what it is.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 13/02/2019 08:55

I've also signed something to say I have no rights over his assets eg buisness etc. So he's protected to. His assets are smaller than mine but they exist and I insisted on him being protected to

OP posts:
Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 13/02/2019 08:56

Gamerchick - by perosn do you mean per adult? He is paying around that as that's half the bills.
The kids are kids so kinda don't count I guess. He couldn't afford that, on what he earns.

OP posts:
Hazlenutpie · 13/02/2019 09:24

Of course his children count! He should be supporting them. Sorry OP but you are being taken for a mug.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 13/02/2019 09:33

I know but equally if we are a blended family I sorta agreed to take them on . He pays maintenance (here 40% of time now) and he says for school trips/hobbies etc.
I dunno, the everyday costs are less of an issue to me than the not helping/contribute to our home and more importantly the children's home.

OP posts:
MrsSiddon · 13/02/2019 09:35

Sounds like you've done really, really well but 'What??!?' about his attitude and actions.

Why do women put up with this shit from feckless men?

Sorry if it sounds harsh but you're enabling him in not behaving like an adult. You have TWO kids plus three step kids here. Wake up!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/02/2019 09:37

Sounds like an amazing achievement though and very smart to have ensured you're protected legally.

Does he contribute to housework/chores etc or leave all of that to you too?

Totally understand why you're fed up if you've been working your arse off and he's done nothing.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 13/02/2019 09:38

I'm very confused now! I'm not money focused really, I save and buy stuff and am sensible but beyond that meh.
He is paying his half but I guess more than half is his share plus no rent/morgage so normally would be higher. But equally we are supossed to be a partnership.
Hoenstly it wouldn't bother me if he'd have been up their painting/tidying or being super supportive . That's the not that's really upset me! Or alternatively I can't help but here's some money so you can hire someone to help you!

OP posts:
Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 13/02/2019 09:40

Yep he's good with housework well tidying. He tends to do the tidying and washing up/washing . I do hoovering bins and bathrooms and dusting. Works out around the same tbh hours wise.
He has baby two days a week. I do compressed hours so three v.long days then ahve baby four days while he works. We split the childcare bill for.the third day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 13/02/2019 17:23

Carpets gone down but apparently he doesn't want to move in till march as it's too much and he's too busy! He knew the bloody dates house was getting finaihed eg carpet fitting. .....soo bloody miserable

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/02/2019 17:28

Sorry to hear that. Is he getting cold feet about moving in altogether? I would actually start questioning this given his total lack of enthusiasm for helping you at all.

(Enjoy your lovely, springy new carpets.)

Mmmmbrekkie · 13/02/2019 17:29

For clearly a strong focussed woman you are being quite astonished weak in your relationship

gamerchick · 13/02/2019 17:30

Well why would he? He didn't want to help with the fixing up so he's not going to want to help with the moving in is he?

Now he gets to move in with his kids to a nicely, organised house ready to go.

kbPOW · 13/02/2019 17:31

I think him not wanting to move in is ideal. Enjoy your new home that you have worked so hard for. Don't let the lazy, cocklodging asshat over the doorstep. He's a nightmare, and you already know it.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 13/02/2019 17:34

We already live together - just in rented. I see it as a waste of time/ money not to just get on with the move

OP posts:
gamerchick · 13/02/2019 17:46

Do you think that maybe he's got no intention of moving in and will just stay where he is?

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 13/02/2019 18:32

He can't . It's rented , tenants moving in on 1 march. He just takes everything at his own pace and will panic to move in time

OP posts:
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