Feeling unappreciated ..a tiny rant

[Spanglyprincess1]

So so and it is a tiny rant, I feeling cheesed off. I've saved very hard for a very long time and purchased a house (no morgage). I'm immensely proud of myself for this - it needed a lot of work doiñg hence the low price but is in great school catchment for ds and near my mom. Works now done, three months of ripping stuff out and painting etc myself to keep bills down while juggling rtw and young baby. Rte early to meet costs for renovation so house is ready for young ds and DSC as kids in a building site isn't fair.

House is soley in my name as I bought it. But dp his three kids plus our joint baby will be living there. He has done nothing to help me get house ready ! No painting no nothing or even paid for paint/furniture for his kids rooms. I'm shattered and run down, working managing baby and the house. I know it's my house but it will be our home and essentially he will only be paying half bills when we move so housing himself and four kids for under 400 quid a month (bargain).
I don't expect him to be greatful but maybe help out or clean it or help - or even just say wow it looks amazing your doing a great job, thanks for all the hard work. He keeps saying he will help but is busy and wants a list or is bad at jobs so dosnt get round to it.
My brother is only perosn whose said wow you've done amazingly well to save up and do this yourself (silly but it meant a lot to me).
Not sure what this post achieves...but helps me feel better.

Take your name off the lease move your stuff into your house get a nanny

I’d seriously think twice before letting this cocklodger live in your house.

We have a baby together, i don't want him to have a broken family.
I just want to find a way to feel appreciated tbh

I think you have set your bar very low Spangly. If you feel like this now things will only deteriorate as time passes. The mere fact that you're posting all this on an open forum is an indication that you are unhappy with your relationship. Take it from me, life happens and all relationships go through highs and lows. If your relationship is this shaky to start with, then I don't believe you have a future together.

Incidentally, calling single parent families broken, is a very emotive and frankly insulting term.

It's how I feel about it so it is emotive

Not meant to be insulting to everyone else btw but I think most families do whatever they can to try and make it through together

Your family would not be “broken”, it would just be a different shape. Families are all different shapes. I would be having serious second thoughts about letting him move in.

I discussed it with my mom who had some strong views on it due to baby. So I guess that's left me feeling like I have to try harder

You are not a "family" now though, are

Families share the workload.

This is just you doing it all and him waltzing in at the last minute when all the shitwork is finished

You would be better getting a paying lodger because this is how he sees his role. You as onsite landlady and him as tenant with no responsibilities

You are being very foolish

Are you

he should be paying a bit more than his half of bills to account for the increased utility usage when his are there plus for wear and tear.
Otherwise you'll end up paying for all maintenance and repairs...and he'll probably refuse to pay half towards them unless you give him a beneficial interest.

He's left you to handle everything by yourself even though you've got a baby - doesn't sound like he values or even respects you. This certainly isn't 'caring' behaviour either.
He expects it to be his and his kids home but has refused to take any responsibility for getting this home ready.
He's got it made now - free accommodation for him and his kids, cheaper outgoings - and a free cook, cleaner and maid.

don't be a mug and ignore the red flags op.

I can’t see what he brings to the table. What sort of man would sit by and watch his partner work so hard and look after a baby. And then expect to reap the benefits.

If you insist on him moving in I’d treat it as a tenant/lodger with a contract and charge more than half to cover the costs of maintenance etc. But I’d be thinking very hard if that’s what I wanted.

He has done nothing to help me get house ready ! No painting no nothing or even paid for paint/furniture for his kids rooms.

You what mate? What a cheeky cunt!

He’s done nothing because you are a pushover and he knows he can get away with it.

I don't expect him to be grateful

Why the fuck not is the question you should be asking yourself.

He’s living with his kids in a newly renovated house for less than £400 and got his baby mum aka mug, doing all the work for him without so much as a peep! Not to forget he’s got a built in housekeeper and someone to have sex with whenever he wants. If you advertised all you were offering you would have men queuing a mile long as the gig is so good.

Cold hard truth - you are proper being mugged off, your partner is a cocklodger and user, your relationship is a joke and the longer you stay in it (which I predict you will for a long time as you are a people pleaser) the more you are going to be used and resentment will build. Yea good luck with wasting away your life and watching the cracks develop moaning about your shit relationship on the internet whilst you continue doing nothing.

What you really need to do is end it now before he moves in and go seek therapy as to why you have such poor boundaries, low self esteem and no self respect and why you allow shit men to walk all over you.

Please listen to the wise Mumsnetters on here OP. 💐

Positives he's alologised n sorted cars/ help for houseove on weekend now. So that's something !
He's also arranged for help.putting up curtain rails as I'm dangerous with a drill.
He also had baby overnight as I'm sick to let me rest.
So I'm feeling less broken/ cross today.