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Original poster

Divorce and house

44 replies

Sarah2302 · 12/02/2019 15:19

Ok so had my 30 free mins with divorce lawyer this morning. Was very helpful but I ran out of time and I wanted to ask what happens with the house. She said I would have to show I could afford to run it, afford mortgage bills etc. But I didn’t ask what happens to my husbands part of the house, do I re-mortgage to give him it, does it stay in the house and we change the deeds......?? Has anyone been through this and have an idea?

OP posts:
redastherose · 12/02/2019 15:47

No one can really tell you because it depends on the rest of your circumstances. What other assets you have, whether you have children etc. You really need to either pay for further advice or you and your stbxh need to sit down together and work out what suits you.

LemonTT · 12/02/2019 15:53

It’s difficult to answer without knowing your situation. If you and your husband agreed a % split say 60/40 in your favour, then you would have to give him 40% of the equity in the house. He is unlikely to want to stay on the mortgage or deeds as it will inhibit his house buying (re mortgages and stamp duty). A clean break means severing ties so you can both get on with your life without going financial entanglement. You would have to borrow the money, usually through remortgaging, to give it to him. Waiving entitlements to a share of other assets, e.g. a pension, might lever the % split in your favour reducing the amount you need to give your to him.

There are other situations were you may need to continue to be financially bound. This is perhaps were there is a dependent spouse, very little equity and young children. But there are a lot of factors at play on these scenarios.

Original poster
Sarah2302 · 12/02/2019 15:53

I have a daughter aged 2. He is only in the house 2 days a week anyway because of work so it makes sense I keep it. It’s not big and I could afford to run it. He has a much bigger salary than me so can afford another mortgage. What I really wanted to know was whether he had to have his equity straight away ( he wants it all now + all the savings)

OP posts:
LemonTT · 12/02/2019 16:28

What do you mean by his equity? Have you agreed a financial settlement?

mummmy2017 · 12/02/2019 16:36

Who holds the savings account?
If joint names,. Then he has a right to half, but you can ask for it too be locked by the bank, till he agrees via solucitor that he took half....
The house you can hang on to it till the divorce is done, the you get time then on top too sort it..

PurpleWithRed · 12/02/2019 16:44

The assumption is likely to be that you will buy him out of his share. Can you afford to do that? There are other options that may be negotiable.

Also why does he expect all the savings? and don't forget pensions.

Original poster
Sarah2302 · 12/02/2019 17:19

Sorry I’m confusing things, he wants his equity (whatever it is) and ALL the savings we have (yes in joint accounts but he has started to move the money) that’s why I went to see a lawyer as he wants EVERYTHING. We haven’t worked out figured yet. I just wanted to find out if there is equity in the house which is his do I have to give it to him right away as I don’t think I could. I only work part time and have my daughter 5 days a week.

OP posts:
blaaake · 12/02/2019 17:22

If he's started to move money from your joint accounts you need to withdraw it all or transfer it to someone you trust (eg your mother) as you'll be left with nothing (and you have the right to do this as married and joint account). And use the money to pay for a solicitor.

Quartz2208 · 12/02/2019 17:23

Not necessarily you need more legal advice and freeze the savings accounts so it can only be moved if you both agree

And don’t give him every weekend

restingbitchfarce · 12/02/2019 17:23

Depends if you want a clean break divorce where you buy him out or whether he retains some ownership of the property until your youngest child turns 18. Then you either buy him out at that current market value or sell up and split 50/50.

He won't be able to get another mortgage unless he comes off this mortgage and personally I'd highly recommend a clean break given how young your DD is but I am not a solicitor

anniehm · 12/02/2019 17:43

You need proper advice, if he's already moving money out of joint accounts you need to get them frozen now. It sounds like he's not going to be reasonable. Probably the best thing you can do is get the house valued, you can them work out the equity and if you would be approved to buy home out - yes he will need to give you maintenance but don't rely on it

Original poster
Sarah2302 · 12/02/2019 18:21

Quartz2208 Why should I not give him every weekend (well mon/tues)?

OP posts:
LemonTT · 12/02/2019 18:35

Ok, your main problem is that he is taking the savings. You must stop this and protect that money. All the assets;

  • Equity (which is the house value less outstanding mortgage balance);
  • savings
  • pensions
are jointly owned by you and him. The fact that either of you paid for them or owned them before is not relevant. Once you married you agreed to share your wealth legally.

This is what gets divided up as part of the financial settlement you will agree when you divorce. If you don't agree a court will decide for you.

The settlement will take account of the difference in your circumstances as a result of the marriage. Specifically that you have a lower income and more parental responsibility. This means you will need either a bigger share of the assets and/or spousal maintenance of some sort. What this is depends on how much wealth there is. A lot of wealth allows for "clean breaks", meaning you don't have future financial bonds, ironically so does very little wealth Hmm. Cleans breaks are prefered by most and by the courts. Spousal maintenance is rarely awarded and keeps you tied and dependent (he could lose his job etc).

Regardless he will be expected to pay child maintenance or make an equal parental contribution. Make an application now if you are separated, even if he still lives there.

"Staying in the house till the child is 18" is not an automatic entitlement. It is a possible outcome with lots of downsides, the main one being it just defers a problem for you in terms of having to find money to give to him.

LemonTT · 12/02/2019 18:38

Every weekend is a issue if you both work FT mon to friday, or may do in the future. It means one parent has all the quality parenting time.

Original poster
Sarah2302 · 12/02/2019 18:56

Ok yes I see what you mean now. I am just assuming that I will have my daughter 5 days a week as that is what happens now. He has a good job and I worked part time and my mum had our daughter. I prefer it this way as he doesn’t have great skills and patience!

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 12/02/2019 19:33

its also going to be an issue with school etc in the future - school days are far harder than weekends

Does he work every weekend?

But freeze those savings accounts!

Bess78 · 12/02/2019 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Sarah2302 · 12/02/2019 20:19

It’s really getting me down now. Going to the solicitor and seeing what I’m worth on paper was sole destroying, not worth anything really😕

OP posts:
Bess78 · 12/02/2019 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Sarah2302 · 12/02/2019 21:01

He is not at all happy with the split but I can’t live with him anymore. He has a bad temper and I never know when it will happen, I live on eggshells. He has always been very possessive over “his” money, sees absolutely no worth in what I do, which is basically everything, house, garden, work part time, finances, maintenance...... it is no life, I hate my life at the moment. He has told me he wants all the money he has ever put in for the last 10 years, doesn’t care what I’ve put in. He is never going to agree or be happy in any way about me getting anything out of this divorce. He says I’m one of those pathetic mkney grabbing women😥

OP posts:
Original poster
Sarah2302 · 12/02/2019 21:01
  • money!!!
OP posts:
Bekabeech · 12/02/2019 21:11

He sounds financially abusive and probably generally abusive (the shouting).
Get the savings accounts frozen, but first make sure you have enough money to keep going for a while.

Maybe phone Women's Aid both to talk through your situation and maybe get solicitor suggestions.

He may demand all kind of things, it doesn't mean legally he is entitled to it.
You are your DDs Mum and the primary carer that is extremely valuable. Do not agree to every weekend. By the time she gets to school that would mean he gets all the fun time and you all the "work" time. Normal contact is often every other weekend and one midweek if close enough.

Original poster
Sarah2302 · 12/02/2019 21:20

He is the one who works both days on the weekend, he has daughter on Monday/Tuesday at the moment.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 12/02/2019 21:36

He may want all the money that doesn’t mean you need to give it to him but I guess it’s how much you want to get out of it quickly

What did your solicitor say

Original poster
Sarah2302 · 12/02/2019 21:44

She said it will cost £1500-£2000 to get divorced if he is amicable. She also said that he is being ridiculous and making emotional decisions which she doesn’t care about because she is a lawyer. She also said I would be stupid to hand him over everything. I think she thinks I’m pathetic, I feel like that anyway. She said that I’m just like the women who sit in front of her that that tell her my husband hit me but I provoked him! She asks why I’m feeling guilty and basically I need to get a grip and think about my daughters future.....she is right of course!

OP posts: