Divorce and house

[Sarah2302]

Ok so had my 30 free mins with divorce lawyer this morning. Was very helpful but I ran out of time and I wanted to ask what happens with the house. She said I would have to show I could afford to run it, afford mortgage bills etc. But I didn’t ask what happens to my husbands part of the house, do I re-mortgage to give him it, does it stay in the house and we change the deeds......?? Has anyone been through this and have an idea?

Bess78 Been using the grey rock technique since I asked for a
Divorce last year, another mumsnetter back then suggested it, it’s hard but it does work!

He doesn't get something just because he wants it. He sounds abusive and vile. Take whatever he's taken out of the joint accounts to balance it out and freeze the rest (or split the rest 50 50 too). Sounds like you're going to have to a) get a solicitor and start things moving asap and b) toughen up and realise he doesn't get to call the shots. Your future happiness and stability may depend on how you play this so make sure you get it right. Good luck op!

Nobody can tell you what will happen to the house because there are so many variables. You need to spend more time with a solicitor, and stop thinking of your divorce as cheap/amicable. He isn't being amicable, because he's demanding all the savings and 50% equity in the knowledge that you can't deliver that. It won't be amicable once you start making your own demands. Pay for advice, it will pay off.

I feel like I can’t get passed the house. Not only is the my little girls home now, it was my grandparents before it was ours. But my main attachment was that me and my dad decorated it together, well we got half way before he got cancer and died last year. I have so many memories of us together I don’t want to loose it. It’s soooo hard to try and release the emotional attachments.

Did you work out how much money there is is the marriage?
Bank accounts.
House value.
Pensions
Card...
Then take away how much debts..
Mortgage.
Bills
Credit cards.

That is the equity in the marriage..
60%. To you..
40%. To him ..

This is about normal..

I agree 60/40 split is typical.

Courts aim for parity so he is also entitled to housing. Keeping the house will therefore depend on whether there are enough other assets to give him his %, whether the mortgage provider will allow you to take over the mortgage, whether it is too big for your needs, all sorts of variables.

So if the mortgage provider is happy for you to take the mortgage on, and you can afford it, and sufficient cash/pension exists for stbxh, then you have a strong case.

If there isn't enough money to go around, but it is a modest house that you couldn't conceivably downsize, then he may have to wait some time for his equity as housing the dc is the priority.

If there isn't enough money to go around but it is, say, a three bed home but you only need two beds, you may be expected to downsize to release equity.

If mortgage provider won't let you take it on, or you can't afford to pay it, then you'll have to downsize.

Ok, thanks that’s what I realistically wanted to know, that there is a chance I would loose the house. I’ve had colleagues telling me I won’t because I’ve got a small child but I wasn’t sure that was the truth. We have a bungalow which we converted so now it has 3 bedrooms, one room is so small couldn’t even be used for nursery.

Sarah don't forget he will owe you child maintenance, you can apply for it now if he has left the house...
I know it is scarry, but you will be happier...
You will never believe how empowering it is to be a mum and not have to consider a man childs view each day ..

I left the house and with my mum at the mo with daughter as he just keeps shouting. I don’t feel very good this morning, feel sick to my stomach and massive headache, all of this is really scary. I keep thinking it will be easier to just stay but I want to be happy and I never will be if I stay.

Sarah2302 please please please do spend the money on a decent solicitor getting advice. My brother still maintains that the £3k he spent on his divorce lawyer was the best money he had ever spent as it meant his ex (who had a year long affair with his best friend ) didn't get a penny of the vastly increased equity in their former house when he sold it 4 years post divorce. They had no children.

Get a good solicitor. And with draw the money into a separate account but don’t spend the money. My solicitor told me that if my dh spent all our cash there wasn’t much I could do.

I’m starting to see that I need to look at it without emotion and stop feeling guilty because money is such an emotional object and it will bring out the worst in my husband and I know if we do the split ourselves I will sell myself short because I’m like that. I’ve got my universal credit appointment today so if they say I can have it I will be able to save a bit of money each month to pay the solicitor!!! Fingers crossed!

Unless I’ve missed it you don’t say how long your marriage is. Length of marriage will be taken into account and may mean assets owned before marriage are not taken into account - longer marriage more it’s seen as shared. But future earning potential, costs of you downsizing can be taken into account too. I’m hoping get more than 60% as I’ve been left with disabled children to care for and won’t be able build up a new asset or pension etc and property mostly paid for by me by assets before marriage. I may be being realistic but I’m not going down without a fight and don’t think my ex wants waste money on lawyers. He may come round once he realises he can’t manipulate or scare you.

Since you have left the house, get your CSA claim going as well....
He shod pay towards your child .

I’m a bit confused whether I’ve done my universal credit application right. I put down my house address but I’m at my mums at the mo. I said I wasn’t in a relationship although I’m still married. Also my husband lives between our house and another he stays in a few nights a week for work which is a friends. Was I supposed to say I’m still living with him even tho we have separated (well separated in terms of the relationship)

Like pp said, no one can tell. It will be up to your legal teams to fight it out.

I know of couples who can’t afford to buy one out, several outcomes;

1. do nothing until child is 18/21, or a new partner moves in. then sell and split for smaller properties, or one buys the other out.

Issue with this one was the rp living in the house did nothing to it maintenance wise, as increasing value meant she would have had to pay more to buy her ex out. After 20 years it was a state, but she bought him out and then refurbed.

2. both owned the house jointly, about 120k of equity. Rp claimed she could only afford 10k equity to remortgage. Nrp tried to negotiate but in the end a court ordered she pay him the 10k to buy him out the house, due to the young kids. He was living with his parents so the judge said he didn’t need capital for deposits/rent etc.

I very much doubt you will be forced to sell, a court will not make anyone homeless. If your ex has somewhere to live, he will be deemed housed which will work in your favour.