I'm leaving him today

[lagalaga]

And I feel sick to my stomach.

We recently had a baby and I don't think he has any clue I'm about to end things.

He's nice 90% of the time, but that other 10% I can't live with anymore.

Part of me thinks he deserves this heartache for being so horrid. Another part feels extreme guilt for leaving with his son.

I have no idea how contact will work with a tiny baby.

I'm worried he's going to react badly (not hurt me, but he is likely to be very emotional and angry).

I'm scared I'll feel forever guilty for having a baby with him then ending things. It was never what I wanted. I thought things were okay, but my son has given me perspective...

Why is this so hard? Can anyone help and advise?

I'm sorry, I hope you're ok. I'm going through something kind of similar, leaving husband and we have 2 small children. I'm really lost and confused as well so I can't offer much advice and support but I really hope you're ok, you're strong and can do this

Have you tried talking to him?

Would you be leaving if it meant leaving your baby?

You both are me 9 years ago.
It’s the best thing I ever did and my children haven’t had to grow up thinking their dads behaviour was normal.
Be calm and take it day by day.
Talking helps too. Don’t bottle things up x

@S021 I've told him many, many times that the way he talks to me is unacceptable. I'm arguments, as a serious sit down conversation, over text, on the phone. I have to tell him weekly at least once 'don't speak to me like that' - I don't want to talk to him. I just want to end it. I'm so tired of his temper.

💐

@S021 I don't really see the logic behind your second question?

@S021 sorry I worded that so badly it sounds sarcastic, it's a genuine question!

What's the problem? What's he doing that you're not happy with? You're right though, if it's that bad, you can't be expected to put up with it, and it's best to go now while the baby's still tiny.

@Singlenotsingle he has a short temper. He swears a lot. If I so much as Park my car in the wrong place he'll passive aggressively grab the keys out of my hands, move it and rev the engine whilst doing so, walk back in, slam the door then talk to me in an annoyed tone for 30 mins. I'm on edge all the time.

@boymum9 thank you. I hope you're okay. I'm so lost

That’s ok. My question was quite blunt.

I just feel that many people give up on relationships too quickly when there are children involved and in many ways it’s easier to walk away when you’re taking the baby with you. It’s sad he will miss out but It seems you have tried to talk and reason with him.

His behaviour sounds very text book for controlling and EA, especially that fact you feel guilty! Every 'expert' in the book comments on how this is often ramped up during pregnancy and after birth so please please stop blaming yourself, you couldn't of known this was going to happen and removing yourself and your baby from that situation is the best thing you can do.

Nobody deserves to live their life on eggshells xx

Is he stressed? Has he always been like this?

OP if you've made the decision to go please don't allow anyone here to talk you out of it, if you're unsure exploring that is ok.

I think having a child does give you perspective. That's what happened with me. I was very scared to leave but have never regretted it.

Are you leaving while he's at work?

How old is the baby? After I had DD me and OH went through a rough patch. He wasn't very understanding and I was very hormonal.
But then if he has always been like that I don't blame you for leaving x

@S021 he's always been like this. I am too blind to see it. It's a pattern of behaviour on my part. My first ever relationship was abusive physically and mentally and I always end up in relationships like this. Now my son is here I feel like running for the hills.

@Doyoumind no I'm going to talk to him tonight. I don't know where I'm going to go though.

@whyamihereagain he's not even 4 months yet...

It’s surprising what behaviour we tolerate ourselves that we’re not prepared to accept for our children.

Good Luck. Do you have family to turn to?

@S021 I love my son so much. I can't stand the idea of him ever speaking to me like that. Learning that he can speak to women like that.

I don't know whether to tell his dad that this is why I'm leaving, or to tell him I don't love him anymore. At least he can't argue with the latter.

I do but they're the other side of the country.

Quite right. Go now.

Don't doubt yourself. I suspect, maybe because of your own home life?, that doubting yourself means you end up in long term relationships with people you know are wrong. Break the pattern and be on your own developing good confidence in yourself. You don't give lots of details but I suspect that you have more than adequate reasons for ending this. Good luck

You need a plan. Where are you and your baby going to go? Have you got your stuff ready?

Don't say you're going to do it and then not do it because it will make things worse. Are you still hoping he'll change (he won't) or are you committed to leaving? He will try and talk you out of it and it's not a safe time once he knows you plan to go.

@Doyoumind I'm going to stay with a friend but it's an hour away and I feel bad he won't have easy access to his son whilst I'm there