How much effort do you make for your partner on a daily basis?

[sparkles87]

To give some context to my question..

I'm a stay at home mum with a 10 week old baby.
Last night I went in a bath, as I do most night for half hour peace! I knew hubby wanted sex, he'd asked.. anyway, I got out the bath, put on my pjs and went downstairs.. my husband asked me what pants I'm wearing so I said, none because I wasn't. He went quiet, I asked what's up, he said nothing, I rolled my eyes and said tell your face that then. About 10 minutes later he said.. you never make an effort you haven't even put nice pants on.. so I said yeah and your point.. he starts mumbling that I never want it and never make an effort (how he comes to this just because I haven't put pants on I'll never understand), so I get arsy and tell him he's an unreasonable pig and take the baby to do the bedtime routine.. he doesn't come to bed before I go to sleep and this morning he left without saying anything.

So my question is how much effort do you make for sex on a general day to day basis, I don't mean special occasions, rare child free evenings or anything like that.. because on those times I would dig out the best underwear and make an effort.

Both me and dh make the effort everyday.
However, we are in our 50's with no young children.
You have just had a baby, I didn't have sex for ages afterwards.
It needs to feel right for you, romantic and steady. Perhaps tell him what your body is going through and ask if he has nice pants on.

10 weeks?!

Pahahaaa... He will get it when you're ready for it. Simple as. You've just done the most amazing thing with your body and it is currently repairing.

As a PP said, effort is managing to stay awake for sex.

Think he needs to re-evaluate the term 'effort' now that you have a wee one.

Glad you've got a sense of humour though OP. Just one of those things that sometimes couples go through. Having a baby is all about re-adjusting to the new dynamic as a family. I think this slots into that category.

he starts mumbling that I never want it and never make an effort

Dress that up all you like but anyone who says that to a parent (of either sex) to a newborn baby if 10 weeks is a complete arsehole.

You seem very congenial about the whole thing. I think I seriously would have attempted to murder mine at that point.

How very dare you not package up your body for his pleasure.

I me an effort for my dh - even though I'm perpetually sleep deprived etc, three young kids, I'll try and do my make up for him, wear nice clothes....he doesn't notice. Doesn't notice when I've made an effort and actually put makeup on for him. Doesn't notice when I do my hair for him. He would notice if I were naked, however. I think he just wants me for sex and chat, to be honest. Sigh.

. My friend was so totally uninterested in sex she told her DH the doctor said she should wait for another 3 months past whatever the usual time is. Doctor obv said nothing of the sort!

Regular effort I make = very little. And usually for work /baby group.

Amount of time post baby we waited = 4 months?

What’s the big deal about having sex 10 weeks post birth? The OP doesn’t say he was pressuring her for sex, simply that he’d asked so I’m not sure why he’s getting a hard time for that? Yes many people don’t feel up for sex for a while after birth but many people do. OP doesn’t say she has any issue with him wanting sex just that she doesn’t feel the need to dress up for it.

Get a pair of frilly bloomers. Tell him. These are nice pants.

Congratulations on your new arrival OP! and only 10 weeks old ... truly men have no idea that dominatrix dressing is possibly the last thing on your mind right now.

But seriously I get what your saying that this is to quote a MN-ism is a snapshot into your relationship and you say he works hard to provide for you all and that is one admirable quality ...... it sounds to me that when it comes to sex he's being massively disrespectful of inconsiderate of you right now. And it's pretty unanimous that not brushing his teeth is a deal breaker.

So in our house .... we all practise daily basic hygiene, I wear undies that at least match in colour but generally just comfy ones, we do the deed I'm sure an average amount and although I'm sure DH would like more he loves and respects me and when DD was the age your baby is he knew it was a period of adjustment and it would pass. Your DH sounds like he's being mean.

Thatsmyspace and Ragnar

If my DH asked if I was wearing pants and I said, ”none”, he'd probably think that was the green light! I make an effort insofar as I am clean and I like to wear nice/favourite clothes, but I find dressing up specifically for sex a bit odd, like you need a special sex uniform to do it. Such a waste of time when your knickers are going to end up on the bookshelves anyway.

None. I don't own any 'sexy' pants. They're not comfortable. My husband is able to perform without props, doesn't pester me for sex and has good hygiene, but hey, you're happy with this sexist pig.

You are accepting it because you're staying with him and treating it like a small flaw not a dealbreaker. Totally your choice but with all due respect, if you don't want opinions on your relationship then don't post about it.