How much effort do you make for your partner on a daily basis?

[sparkles87]

To give some context to my question..

I'm a stay at home mum with a 10 week old baby.
Last night I went in a bath, as I do most night for half hour peace! I knew hubby wanted sex, he'd asked.. anyway, I got out the bath, put on my pjs and went downstairs.. my husband asked me what pants I'm wearing so I said, none because I wasn't. He went quiet, I asked what's up, he said nothing, I rolled my eyes and said tell your face that then. About 10 minutes later he said.. you never make an effort you haven't even put nice pants on.. so I said yeah and your point.. he starts mumbling that I never want it and never make an effort (how he comes to this just because I haven't put pants on I'll never understand), so I get arsy and tell him he's an unreasonable pig and take the baby to do the bedtime routine.. he doesn't come to bed before I go to sleep and this morning he left without saying anything.

So my question is how much effort do you make for sex on a general day to day basis, I don't mean special occasions, rare child free evenings or anything like that.. because on those times I would dig out the best underwear and make an effort.

My husband would be chuffed if f I wasn't wearing any! this 😂 😂

Effort I make for DH - I cook his dinner, I do the childcare from 8-6 five days a week so he doesn't have to give up work. I occasionally do his washing.

Effort I make to have sex: I get in bed naked and make it obvious. He either wants it or he doesn't 😂

What? He doesn't brush his teeth every day? That is horrendous.
I don't own any "nice" pants. Unless nice means comfortable with funny pictures on?
Buy him some sexy pants and refuse to have sex with him until he puts them on for you to get you in the mood.
I put zero effort in because funnily enough I'm the same naked whatever pants I've got on beforehand.

I do brush my teeth though so it appears I'm one step ahead in the sexy stakes.

I don't get it. I think my husband would rather i wasn't wearing pants!

Nope, doesn't brush his teeth daily, his excuse is he leaves for work at 5am and often just rolls out of bed puts on his clothes and goes.. he works on a building site so claims it doesn't matter.. believe it or not his teeth are in a much better state than mine who avoids sugar, brushes and mouth washes minimum 3 times a day.. they're whiter than mine with no fillings etc.. but still gross in my book.. and not something I understand as that aside his personal hygiene is a fine he showers daily.. just doesn't make sense.

But his gross lack of teeth brushing aside.. yes he is a sexist pig at times and I often tell him so.. I knew I wasn't alone in my 'lack of effort' it was no different before the baby so it certainly isn't going to change now.. I've told him he needs to count himself lucky that I bathe because I could quite happily just go to bed instead 😂

Why have you married and had a baby with him if he's a sexist pig?

In terms of fancy pants and bedroom stuff, I make no effort whatsoever.
Well, I trim down there, but that's not for DH's benefit, I'd be doing it even if single.
Not brushing teeth? Bleurgh. It wouldn't have lasted long between us. His breath must stink.

@Shoxfordian
I said a sexist pig at times.. no ones perfect.. he has many good qualities about him.. the occasional argument when he's thinking with his manhood and the lack of teeth cleaning doesn't make him an awful husband, this is just an argument that he will re-evaluate and apologise for.. he's a man and we have a newborn.. he isn't getting it very often and is frustrated I guess.. I'm sure everyone has a story about their husband that, if told like this would make them seem like a complete idiot for choosing to marry them.

There is not a single chance in hell I'd be touching anyone who didn't brush their teeth. Not even if their cock was made of gold and shooting Cadbury Creme Eggs.

If I said I wasn't wearing pants to DH I think he would see that as even more of a go ahead 😂😂

I think he's being unreasonable expecting you to go to such a big effort if he isn't willing to do the same and as for not brushing his teeth ewww!

I don't have a similar story but that's because my husband doesn't feel entitled to sex but ok, you clearly think its acceptable

This is why I hate Ann Summers being so prominent in our shopping centre, like we are supposed to dress in sexy underwear all the time, to me if a man is more interested in the wrapping than the actual body underneath...

Men get to wear what exactly? Sexy underwear, oooh yes baby, M&S boxers, let's rip them off.

I don't care what Dh wears and he couldn't give a toss what I wear, as long as I am naked at some point leading up to having sex then it is all good, we have been together over 20 years. I love his body, dressed and naked. That is enough.

At 10 weeks post-partum, I was still stuffing breast shells inside my bra to collect all the milk that leaked out if I had a shower or bath. Breast pads were insufficient

Sulking rarely induces people to whip off their knickers. He is being a dick.

Not brushing his teeth is just vile

Why would you wear pants under your pj's anyway?!

The only time i would do that is when I am on my period, which would send an altogether different message!

Feeling pressured to have sex does not make me feel sexy.

Not sure why you started the thread when you are constantly defending him op! Men can be selfish arseholes.

@Shoxfordian
I never said it was acceptable.. it isn't and he knows I won't tolerate his attitude, which is why he will rethink and apologise.

I didn't say you had a similar story.. I mean there will be something about your husband that if told to others out of context they will think he's an idiot!

as I said, no one is perfect.. my husband isn't and neither am I.

He doesn't deserve to be judge by others on one snap shot.. I didn't asked for opinions on his behaviour. I asked, out of interest what happens in other people's homes. Not because I will change, just simply being nosey.

My husband is amazing.. he works hard to provide for me and our 4 children so that I don't have to work if I chose not to.

Sunshineandflipflops

Why would you wear pants under your pj's anyway?!

The only time i would do that is when I am on my period, which would send an altogether different message!

Same here ! In fact DP knows I'm on my period precisely if I'm wearing knickers to bed!

Luckily for me he doesn't care how much 'effort' I make.

On a daily basis? None.
I wear my plain, big, black briefs because they are comfy when I’m bending down and running around after 2 toddlers all day!
If we have sex, my DH accepts me as I am - whether it’s in my 10 year old faded pjs, or silk agent provocateur lingerie.
The fact that you have a 10 week old baby and your partner is expecting you to doll yourself up is ridiculous - when my kids were 10 weeks old I was usually walking around with milk/sick/spit on my top and a baby permanently attached to one of my leaky udders

Only been with my partner 6 months but I wouldn't say I make any effort for sex, I just jump on him 🤷🏼‍♀️
He makes me feel attractive no matter what I'm wearing (or not wearing!) I think I'd hate the thought of having to dress up for him to think I was putting the effort in!

Have to say though OP.... the fact you're even considering sex when you have a 10 week old baby makes you super human in my book and he should give himself a massive slap for being a dick head

This sums me up!

@bobstersmum
I was just interested in what happens in other peoples relationships.. my husband was an arsehole.. that doesn't make him an altogether bad person I shouldn't of married like someone suggested. Saying his behaviour is unreasonable is one thing, questioning the marriage over this tiny bit of information is rude when it wasn't what was asked.

But anyhoo.. nice to know I'm normal.. not that I'd of suddenly changed had everyone said they walked around in stocking a suspenders every night 😂

@thatsmyspace 😂 that's me! My husband loves it though, he calls it 'the easy access robe'

@thatsmyspace this is me also!!

No effort, dp would just be happy if I was naked. Sounds like there’s bigger issues though.

Your biggest issue is his dental hygiene...how can anyone not brush their teeth daily? Grim.