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Original poster

A word of warning - he won’t ever change **WARNING - UPSETTING PHOTO IN OP - MNHQ**

48 replies

MsSuperExcited · 09/02/2019 13:10

For years I believed my ex when he said that him hurting the children was unintentional, he felt bad and he would change.

Guess what? He didn’t

And then when I finally try to do something about it, no one believed me. Because I hadn’t said anything before. And because he’s “such a nice guy... he must be very stressed”.

So some friendly advice MNers... don’t give him a 2nd chance.

OP posts:
Ddssdd · 09/02/2019 15:26

Agreed.

serialtester · 09/02/2019 16:35

Are the police involved?

TooTragicToBeFunny · 09/02/2019 17:18

Yes.

Unfortunately that photo is from 2017. There have been recent instances of him screaming at the DCs and him slapping our 6yo across the face. I called the schools, the police and SS. No one gives a shit.

My showed my oldest friends a video of my DCs in tears about how they feel like they have to defend themselves when around their father and all I got was “it must be very difficult for you all”

My point is, I should have called the police the first time there was a mark. I should have packed my bags and left with the babies regardless of how impossible it seemed.

TooTragicToBeFunny · 09/02/2019 17:18

And yes this is a NC fail and I’m too kissed off to care

TooTragicToBeFunny · 09/02/2019 17:18

pissed

Areyouongluedear · 09/02/2019 17:26

That’s awful! So he is physically harming your children? Do you live with him OP?

NotTheFordType · 09/02/2019 17:31

So sorry OP, police are clearly not going to help.

Could you contact Women Aid for help? IME they are a fuck sight more helpful

TooTragicToBeFunny · 09/02/2019 17:31

Yes he is. But because there are no (recent) marks and the children are basically happy and well adjusted no one is interested.

He admitted to the schools he smacks the children when they are naughty and asserted that it is his right to do so. But what is actually happening is he is loosing his shit and slapping them over the head because they aren’t eating fast enough.

No agencies have seen that photo though. SS would even talk to me.

But CAFCASS swill be involved soon. I don’t know if that will help

Yogagirl123 · 09/02/2019 17:38

Oh god, that’s awful. My sons are late teens now, no way would my DH EVER lay a hand on them or me. No excuses, violence is never acceptable. Please keep yourself and your children safe.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 09/02/2019 17:40

Jesus - how can the police not help, that's appalling.

Can you stop him seeing them?

TooTragicToBeFunny · 09/02/2019 17:56

Holly I can’t, no. I tried. Told the schools, told him his access would be restricted but without a court order I have no right to do that. I even collected kids from school early once to avoid them being with him. I can’t keep doing that

Singlenotsingle · 09/02/2019 18:10

Has he got a defined contact order then?

TooTragicToBeFunny · 09/02/2019 18:13

No. No court order. So shared parental responsibility

Singlenotsingle · 09/02/2019 18:29

Personally, if it was me, I'd stop contact altogether. Then he'd have to apply to the Court for whatever contact he wants, and you'd defend, using the photos and any other evidence. (Hopefully you've kept details of the times you reported it either to the school or the police).

You'd be best seeing a solicitor and getting proper legal advice though. You can't let it carry on like this!

Pomello · 09/02/2019 18:31

Agreed

14 years ago I left abusive x. He promised to change blah blah blah.
By the time I left him again for the 2nd time 12 years ago he'd made it a lot more difficult for me by miring me in to the depths of financial abuse to compound the other abuses.

Pomello · 09/02/2019 18:32

Omg, that's your child. Sad Words fail me. I"m so sorry. So much pressure from the courts.

LovingLola · 09/02/2019 18:33

That’s horrifying.
How old are the children now ?

ChakiraChakra · 09/02/2019 18:34

That sounds awful I can't imagine what it's like for you living like this. Flowers

RolandDeschainsGilly · 09/02/2019 18:36

You have every right to stop his contact without a court order. He is the one that would have to seek a court order to gain access.

AliyyaJann · 09/02/2019 18:40

SS are not doing anything?

TooTragicToBeFunny · 09/02/2019 19:30

SS sent me a very patronising letter about the importance of talking to my co-parent during such a difficult time.

I can’t stop him seeing them. Me and my solicitor tried that and managed it for about a couple of weeks. The schools won’t deny him access so I would have to continually remove the children from school early. Which as SS have seen fit to not get involved just makes me look very unhinged.

TooTragicToBeFunny · 09/02/2019 19:31

I do have an urgent court hearing next week

ChakiraChakra · 09/02/2019 21:58

Hope court goes well then.

School won't stop handing over to a person who they have been categorically told his the children out of temper and has done so repeatedly?

Just :(

DameIfYouDo · 09/02/2019 22:04

How long has this been going on? When did you leave?

Sgkvfy234 · 09/02/2019 22:35

I'm in the same position as you he doesn't ever apologise or see he's in the wrong for doing so!!! His mum backs his corner and defends everything he does which makes me out to be crazy and over reacting