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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I had an affair.. now what

54 replies

Smith5647 · 08/02/2019 13:35

had an 2 year on off affair with someone ive known for 17 years. Were both married and both have kids. His are 4 and 7 mine is 8. I dont know what to do now its over. I dont know if i should stay with my DH or leave. Me and DH have discussed going separate ways anyway ( he doesnt know about the affair). Our sex lifes pretty non existsnt been like that for years and were only young. At the moment i feel suicidal about it all. OM ended things even though he instigated and pushed for it all. Do i tell my DH? I think that would cause unnecisarry upset to him and the household but i dont know how to move on.

OP posts:

ReaganSomerset · 09/02/2019 16:05

@Dadaist

I don't see that it would advantage the op in any way and the relationship was already in peril before the affair anyway and they've discussed breaking it off. Usually I'm all for the truth but if she's leaving anyway I don't see the point in adding insult to injury. Also, lots of MNers have agreed with their partners that they wouldn't want to know about an affair, based on comments on previous similar threads.

MNHQ

YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet · 09/02/2019 16:10

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.
We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Orange6904 · 09/02/2019 16:55

Maybe the marriage has been suffering because of what has been happening for 2 years? You put your emotional energy in someone else what do you think will happen to your marriage?

He probably doesn't know but he deserves to know the truth about his life so that he can make a decision, it would be cruel to end it and lie.

Good luck.

Orange6904 · 09/02/2019 16:57

reagan = people always say 'it was bad before'. Usually someone starts cheating and that causes the relationship to suffer. We only know bits.

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