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I had an affair.. now what

54 replies

Smith5647 · 08/02/2019 13:35

had an 2 year on off affair with someone ive known for 17 years. Were both married and both have kids. His are 4 and 7 mine is 8. I dont know what to do now its over. I dont know if i should stay with my DH or leave. Me and DH have discussed going separate ways anyway ( he doesnt know about the affair). Our sex lifes pretty non existsnt been like that for years and were only young. At the moment i feel suicidal about it all. OM ended things even though he instigated and pushed for it all. Do i tell my DH? I think that would cause unnecisarry upset to him and the household but i dont know how to move on.

OP posts:
steppemum · 08/02/2019 14:58

you sound really unhappy.
marriage isn't supposed to be like that.

If you stay, you must tell him. Then you need to decide (both of you) if you want to put in the effort. It is possible to turn a marriage round after a bad patch, but it may not be possible to save a dead marriage.

The affair was a horrible thing to do to your dh, and you know that. you don't need us to tell you. Think of the vitriol and hate there is on here for the OW.

I agree with EllaEllaE, chose to leave, go through the upheaval and have a fresh start or chose long term low level unhappines.. I would add a third option though, chose to fight for your marriage and turn it round. If the lats is not an option, then I think you know the answer.

Gazelda · 08/02/2019 15:04

Do you regret the affair?
Do you regret that it's over?
I'm not asking to be goady, just to prompt you to think about whether the affair was more important to you than the marriage.
If it had been possible, would you have left to start a proper relationship with OM (assuming he also left his wife)?

secondarymincepie · 08/02/2019 15:08

You says you don't know whether to stay with your OH or leave, as if it's all your choice and he doesn't get a say in the matter.
Tell him the truth and let him decide if he thinks you're worth it, or if he's rather have a shot at a life with someone who won't lie and cheat.

WTBE · 08/02/2019 15:22

I would just leave the marriage tbh, you will only find a replacement soon enough.

Smith5647 · 08/02/2019 15:55

I regret getting invloved while still married yes. I dont think id do it again if i could go back in time. I did / do love the other person though.

OP posts:
Gazelda · 08/02/2019 16:08

There's your answer then. You love the OM. So you can't, in my opinion, stay married. It would be insulting to your H. End the marriage.

MsDogLady · 08/02/2019 16:22

You are still prioritizing the OM by worrying about his wife finding out.

Your husband has the right to know what is happening in his own life and marriage.

He has the right to make decisions regarding his sexual health. He needs the STI test.

He has the right to consent to have sex. I wouldn’t consent to have sex if I knew my husband was unfaithful.

Stop treating him with contempt. Tell him so he can make informed decisions.

Adora10 · 08/02/2019 17:13

All about you eh, usual cheaters talk. End it with your husband, you can't possibly love him at all to have deceived him and had sex with another man for two years; I wouldn't tell him either, it would probably destroy him and his confidence.

If you don't, you will most definitely have another affair, with yet another poor unsuspecting woman whose family you are quite happy to rip apart - talk about wanting your cake and then coming on a forum looking for sympathy, jesus, you don't sound the least bit repentant.

End if, be on your own, you don't need to be with a man to be happy you know; obviously neither one of them are for you, or you for them and maybe have a conscience about the other family you are dragging into your sordid encounters.

MumsyJ · 08/02/2019 17:16

I suggest you sit down with your husband and just tell him your marriage isn't going anywhere, he's probably trying to figure out how to tell you same too. He deserves to be loved by someone else, no point stringing the poor man along when your heart isn't in the marriage anymore.

Smith5647 · 08/02/2019 17:46

Adora10
I dont see the point me going on about how terribly sorry i am. I am sorry. Im 36 years old i know its wrong and i know the other woman involved is an innocent party. I certainly would never be involved with anyone again under these circumstances.

OP posts:
freddiemercury · 08/02/2019 18:56

OP... I'm watching a friend go thru hell.... if you might get divorced you don't want to be dealing with an angry man. An affair really isn't about being selfish. There is generally more to it... not black and white....

Smith5647 · 08/02/2019 19:26

freddiemercury
Thqnks for your reply. No its not black and white your right there. Whats your friends situation?

OP posts:
freddiemercury · 08/02/2019 21:03

smith... my friend and her husband hadn't had sex for nine years... he wouldn't discuss. She was neglected and utterly miserable. Met a married man and fell in love. Do I judge her???? No... absolutely not... she got on with her husband and couldn't justify wrenching apart a family. Equally she wanted sex... a completely normal desire. It's grizzly and hideous. I think it's far too easy to judge if you're happily married. If you're not... it's easy to understand.... I wish you well but I really wouldn't add your affair into the mix. It's a symptom not a cause of your marital unhappiness... that's what needs to be addressed...hope you're ok...xxx

incognito5678 · 08/02/2019 21:39

@Smith5647

NC
I could have written your first post. Was in the same situ as you and had a two-year (very on and off) affair as things were awful with my husband. I felt like I had become invisible and our sex life had dwindled... someone came along and made me feel differently and so it began...

What I will say to you is all the while the OM is on your mind you might struggle to give your marriage a chance.

Don't tell your husband at the moment until you can be 100% sure what it is you want. Some people will disagree and say how unfair it is on him, however there is more at stake... children, his marriage and possibly the chance of salvaging yours.

Give yourself time to get your head sorted before you make any decisions that you can't go back on.

Adora10 · 09/02/2019 00:50

A mistake is not two years of prolonged lying and deceiving your husband, just be honest and leave him, nobody deserves to be treated so badly and nah you will do it again because you don’t give a shit about his wife, your wants trump her feelings and your husbands.

Nobody needs to cheat, you leave your current relationship if you’re looking to shag elsewhere it’s that simple!

Caucho · 09/02/2019 01:02

Just leave the husband FFS. This isn’t even a relationship / situation where you made a massive mistake which you willl regret forever. You don’t have even talk in the past tense and interchange did love and do love.

I’m not going to say you’re evil but would criticise you more if kids are around as fucks everyone’s life up regarding who sees when, housing etc. Plus you can never completely part as there’s always that connection. No kids? Fuck it! Just split. It’s a little more complicated than dating but shouldn’t be that difficult. No one has given their career up for the other for example but

TooManyPuppies · 09/02/2019 04:57

Time to walk away. If not, your husband deserves to know and make the decision for himself. You screwed up which you know already, though I'm not sure how it takes 2 years to figure out.

Now it's time to come clean and take whatever comes your way... No less than you deserve, it's not your say anymore. End things in a moral way by being honest at the very very least since you've been anything but moral for the last couple of years.

sofato5miles · 09/02/2019 05:23

I would say nothing to your husband about the affair.

But I would end your marriage. I ended my marriage a few weeks ago. My DH definitely fancies someone else but it is not part of our reasons or discussions. It does not need to be and I genuinely don't mind. Our marriage has been dead for years and we need to work out how to move forward as amicably as possible.

I have also several friends who have had affairs in unhappy marriages and do not judge at all. The public stoning and drama advocated on here for people who cgear is a punitive drive that I believe exacerbates very tricky emotional circumstances. There is a bigger picture and a well managed divorce is much more solution based.

Littlechocola · 09/02/2019 05:50

Maybe he already knows?

HomoHeinekenensis · 09/02/2019 06:53

In your shoes I would not tell him but I would divorce as amicably as possible. You must get proceedings started as soon as possible though for both your sakes.

user1471469606 · 09/02/2019 09:08

OP - i fully agree with @Toomanypuppies.

I’m afraid you’ve had some terrible advice on here - mostly from posters who think lying and cheating, marriage and divorce are just details in other people’s lives.
Of course when you end up lying/cheating, or you are betrayed, or when you go through the break up - these are really profound, often life changing experiences.
It’s not like you’ve just bought the wrong car or you’ve not returned a library book.

So cheating on someone for two years is a a horrible thing to do. Context is everything of course, but you’ve not suggested that your DH or your marriage is better or worse than anyone else’s. So unless the affair was needed to give you the strength to leave an abusive partner you loved, then it’s just an incredibly selfish hurtful and destructive path to have chosen.

People saying that it’s just one of those things, no judgement, are also assuming the next step is obviously divorce, no big thing, so don’t complicate by being truthful. Maybe, but maybe not.

My advice is firstly- what is it you actually want? Is it to rescue your marriage, or to have OM leave his family for you, are you just a cake eater wanting to carry on. Or do you need peace of mind and self esteem, some sense of redemption going forward?

I think you can protect your OM from the consequences of his betrayal - but shouldn’t protect yourself.

You aren’t really going to be able to have a deep and trusting relationship with someone you’re deceiving every day. Your current marriage is over. If you want to stay married then you’ll have to start a new relationship with your husband-and be truthful about what has happened.

He has the choice to not wish to have a new relationship with you - and, as in marriage, it’s vital that he has that full and free choice to consent. So deceiving someone into marriage is a deal breaker and wrong on so many levels-and so is continuing with deceit in marriage.

If it’s divorce-then the truth would help your DH to make sense if the last two years - and I think you owe him that. I think his healing is more important than whether or not you wish to avoid feeling shame. But selfish acts like affairs usually involve selfish actors who prioritise their own (even trivial) needs over the (very meaningful) needs of others.
I think you’re suffering heart break at the loss of your lover. You haven’t revealed whether your DH suspects, but in my experience, an affair has the most damaging impact on a relationship, even when it’s unknown to the betrayed partner. The more the truth will hurt him, the more damage your affair will have already done to your marriage over the past two years.

So I think you should take what’s coming because you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube. It’s a life lesson, a very hard one, but one you can recover from in whatever way you need.

WatcherAgain · 09/02/2019 09:13

It seems so cruel divorce and not tell him the affair played a part in your decision.

He will likely end up feeling he is more guilty party as he couldn't make it work when in actual fact it was both of you with your affair being a catalyst.

If you do want to make it work then I would say nothing. But you must put your all into fixing it and be open with your DH about what you BOTH need to do. The OM needs to be forgotten about otherwise it just won't work as your not being fully committed emotionally to your marriage.

ReaganSomerset · 09/02/2019 12:26

@WatcherAgain

Disagree entirely. They've already discussed divorce, the marriage has been dying for a while. It won't be a shock to him. But how many victims of cheating do we see on here that have massive trust issues in relationships going forward as a result? By not telling him, she spares him all that. If it doesn't affect the outcome at all, I'd say it's kinder not to mention it.

Dadaist · 09/02/2019 14:13

That’s right ReaganSomerset - if you gain some marginal advantage by lies for the rest of your life, and especially if your hurting people who trust you - then best to keep lying! Where’s the harm? Finally knowing why nothing adds up would be far too upsetting for them.
Perhaps the more contempt you have for someone the easier it is to disregard their choices completely... for their own good of course.
But, strangely, almost everyone would rather know the truth than be conned by someone-whoever it is and however much they trusted them.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 09/02/2019 14:33

I think freddiemercury has given you the best advice so far. The OM may want to save his marriage so you shouldn't jeopardise that and I think any admission would hurt your DH unnecessarily. Only you can decide what to do with your marriage so take your time OP and the very best of luck for the future.

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