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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

constantly groaning, belching, sighing husband

71 replies

earlgreymarl · 07/02/2019 19:02

My OH doesn't stop. Constant gasping, groaning, burping, constant gross. I don't think he has any idea. He didn't used to be like this, just crept up over time. The more he does it, the more he does it.

FFS!!!!!

It's like living with a gross old man, he's only in his 30's, god knows what he will be like when he is old!1

OP posts:
Iamdanish · 07/02/2019 20:07

You poor thing 😀
Fairys advice makes sense.

lovely36 · 07/02/2019 20:19

I complain to my dh about this all the time. He finds it funny I find it repulsive and disgusting when he farts. It stinks so bad.Envy it's a constant complain of mine. He has very bad allergies and is constantly spitting in public, it's very embarrassing! He says he can't help it. As he always feels congested.

Thatsalovelycuppatea · 07/02/2019 20:25

Perhaps he could have Ibs? Ibs can cause lots of belching, trapped wind, awful cramps. It can make you feel down not wondering what to eat or if you are going to react to food. Have you talked about his symptoms together. Once you find the right medication you can control it and he will feel better.

EdWinchester · 07/02/2019 20:29

I am constantly bemused by the incredibly low standards of some MNers.

He sounds revolting as well as boring.

hoki · 07/02/2019 20:33

@FairyMoppings that is encouraging! My DH is of the same sensitive disposition. He's tall and skinny and his jeans are constantly half way down his arse. Every time he bends even slightly I see 1/2 his arse crack. I'm so sick of it but I know he'll be so pissed off if I mentioned it. It's the same in front of other people so he just doesn't care. Humiliating.

SuziQ10 · 07/02/2019 20:34

Yuck.
I could not fancy a man who was constantly farting and burping, with zero embarrassment. It's also pretty disrespectful to be stinking up a room someone else wants to sit in.

Tell him straight up how it's making you feel.
Either he sees a GP if it's medical, or pulls himself together and shows a bit more respect if it's voluntary.

lovely36 · 07/02/2019 20:36

@EdWinchester my oh wasn't this way during the dating phase. He was so clean, fresh, gentlemen, thoughtful. It was years after marriage when I guess he felt he didn't have try anymore. I hate it:(

MumsyJ · 07/02/2019 20:37

Haven't stopped laughing. This thread is so funny and OP your description is just hilarious.

Your man is super complacent now hence him letting the entire system out. Rather out than in they say Grin

Original poster
earlgreymarl · 07/02/2019 20:43

oh god it's funny and awful at the same time. Mumsy glad that made you laugh.

Ed - yes.

Hoki - do not get me started in jeans, although thankfully, my OH does where a belt, and is an advocate of belts to his younger work collegues who experience the crack effect. Maybe it's for a differnt aim, maybe it's do advise they might help restrain any stench in public!

OP posts:
Original poster
earlgreymarl · 07/02/2019 20:44

*wear I mean. Sorry for all the typos.

OP posts:
Original poster
earlgreymarl · 07/02/2019 20:47

lovely, yes so was mine when we met. He was fresh and smart and energetic and said excuse me after burping and didn't constantly sigh, he just had more of a grip of himself.

A plus point, he has stopped slurping drinks and food, I actually think I would have done him in, he just has no awareness. I actually started to wince at the table. It was like he couldn't use his mouth properly. No we no longer sleep together.

OP posts:
lovely36 · 07/02/2019 21:25

@earlgreymarl I don't sleep with my husband either. Sad to say I prefer it this way. He tosses and turns all night. Makes the bed hot, cough and wakes me up and I get no sleep which results me in being tired the next day. I can't remember we the last time we had sex though. Very sad. But I guess maybe I jut gave up? Idk

Catren · 07/02/2019 21:25

Omg earl that's just awful! Poor you. From what you say, he's definitely stopped caring about himself and his relationship with you. It's easy for him to be too hurt to possibly hear criticism, but honestly he's being so selfish.

He (and you?) is in his 30s fgs, why should you have to live like this for the rest of your days? He either gets help and/or pulls his socks up, or finds another living arrangement...

My dh has his grossness (including the dressing gown of doom) but he knows I find it unattractive and has taken steps to curb the moaning and load chewing etc. I'm also not perfect, my untidiness kills him and I've done a lot to improve that too. You're not his mother, you can choose not to put up with this! What do you get out of the relationship?

Sorry i took that all a bit too seriously i think..

Gardai · 07/02/2019 21:39

Do tell what you like about him ? Amidst the farting, burping, moaning and gasping ? I’d rather be single than listen to that.

Bluebellforest1 · 07/02/2019 21:41

earlgreymarl I had to check that i hadn’t written your post. Mine is in his 60’s or I would be convinced we were married to the same man.
He was fine until we married and it’s all gone downhill from there.
Burping, farting, sighing, groaning, grunting.....but he complains that the dog’s noisy. No self awareness whatsoever. If I pull him up on it he sulks or goes into “poor me” mode.
He does have ibs, but so does my DIL and she manages to keep it to herself!
It’s lazy, entitled, disrespectful. I hate it.
We don’t share a bedroom either.

Original poster
earlgreymarl · 07/02/2019 22:12

catren think I needed to hear some of that & the dressing gown of doom, that is a thing, isn't it! I had to tell him to get out of on Sunday afternoon, he was dressed, we went out came in & he got into full PJ's and gown about 3pm while I was going round doing stuff / cooking.

Bluebell i think we might well "know" each other from another thread, if so they probably have other things in common!

Gardai I have had too take a few minutes to think about this, that's awful I know. I realised that the things I like about him are qualities he showed some time ago and do not seem to manifest anymore. Maybe that's cos of how things have been over the past year. He is good with our son. He has stepped up with helping round house ( with specific jobs and basic stuff) and looking after DS as I have gone back to work, so he is dependable in that way. He is predictable. He does tell me he loves me , but it is more like a rote saying, not with any spark, or passion or connection. He can fix stuff. He doesn't object to much I do, unless it is critical of him or is a "big" future plan.

OP posts:
Original poster
earlgreymarl · 07/02/2019 22:13

@lovely36 I'm sorry you are in the same boat! But yes , giving up, I get that, giving up then switching off isn't it!

OP posts:
Original poster
earlgreymarl · 07/02/2019 22:16

Yes am mid 30's . Mulled over the calculation " will I be well over the hill if we separate when DS is older?" Possibly the last phase of prime of life now, I dunno!

OP posts:
GummyGoddess · 07/02/2019 22:27

Is that good enough for you? If all you like about him is that he parents his child and does some housework?

Just because he is depressed, it doesn't mean you have to stay with him. I am on Sertraline, I do have some understanding but depression and selfishness aren't the same thing.

Babygrey7 · 07/02/2019 22:39

How awful but also funny....

My boss does this, he burps a lot whilst he speaks, he is always sort of bubbling up, bits of gas coming out when he talks

He eats no dairy, no meat, and has a massive box of Colon Care (some kind of fibre?!) On his desk.. he clearly does not care though and I wondered about his wife...

She goes on holidays with friends a lot, I know that Wink

In your shoes I'd challenge him every time it happens, just say "wtf man, I live here too, try and be considerate". Pull him up on it! Depression is not an excuse for farting/burping without constraint

Emz59 · 07/02/2019 23:03

Hi so my head is gonna burst HELP.. This is the situation I'm in me and my "boyfriend" have Been together 7 years. I had 2 children already ,when we first met we were madly in love everything was perfect he was/is amazing with them..we got pregnant 3 months into the relationship we was happy I was a bit scared tho because I already had 2 children with 2 different men. I didn't want to end up with 3 on my own.. anyway we had a little girl.. everything was perfect although he missed the birth by a minute as the nurse sent him home when we waters broke and said it would take ages. Away I'm chatting shit now lol.. so everything was perfect.. then when the baby was 9 days old my son got hit by a car and nearly died I watched the whole thing and seeing that broke me so I went into my self a little bit. So he was fine just broke his jaw :(.. things were okay after that but I push my boyfriend away.. then a year later we got broke into nothing was taken but I felt like my home got invaded. so what did i do went into my self a little bit more. By this time me and my boyfriend were arguing a little about silly things money, the kids him just doing what he wanted to do.. about 5 years down the line we were okish still aguring a little more at this point I'm still in love with him and love him he was my Prince charming.. so I have depression I think it was because my son got hit and the brake in I was on tablets but always forgot to take them. I know I know lol.. so about 2 years ago I got pregnant he did not want it and I didn't want to lose him so I had abortion I made him pay because I thought fuck u if I'm having this done u will suffer because deep down I wanted it but I was confused and scared.. well that messed my head up at this point I didn't like him I was still in love with him I think I blamed him so I was nasty sometimes saying horrible things he also said horrible things but I definitely started it.. we can't take them back and that's sad... 3 weeks ago I asked him if he loved me and he smiled and said yes then I said are u in love with me and he said no : ( I felt like my heart broke so I thought right do i talk to him and see if he is okay or just be off with him.. I picked to talk to him he said he has felt like my carer because I changed every time something bad happens.. he needed me and I wasn't there.. omg I woke up we have spoken not argued because I feel ashamed how I've treated him he told me he isnt in love with me but loves me and wants to try to make it work as we have been through so much we are actually best friends sounds weird but we are everything I cried he would hold me tight and kiss my head.. I've sorted my head out a lot I have enrolled in a English course and got a job interview I thought if I tell him and help myself he may fall back in love with me.. now he is telling me that he doesn't want to get hurt again and he doesn't know what to do himself so how can he tell me.. I'm trying not to just go back to being depressed as I am actually doing something for myself but I want him there.. but I'm not sure he wants to be he said maybe we should just be friends and still tries to have sex with me saying he loves my body ect.. but he doesn't know if he wants to be with me so I haven't giving in and it's driving him mad he is more over me.. he said he wants to finish the house and make sure everyone is okay what do i do go with the flow or just say go to your mum's and decide what u want but I feel I don't have the right because how I treated him so help please what did i do please be nice

BlankTimes · 07/02/2019 23:04

As a family, we decided to try a lower carb diet, basically just cut out potatoes, bread, rice, pasta and cereals. Within days, the usual gas effects and hunger pangs had totally disappeared.

Try suggesting introducing healthier eating OP, there are loads of recipes online and no need for elaborate ingredients or loads of prep.

AtrociousCircumstance · 07/02/2019 23:11

It doesn’t sound like you’re in a partnership with someone you love, admire and respect. And you’re only in your thirties!

I don’t know, you’re being a great sport on this thread, but it sounds so joyless and like you’re the only adult in the house.

Emz59 · 07/02/2019 23:38

Can I just say he work so hard for this family he has done the house out beautifully.. and he is so amazing still just not in love with me and not sure what he wants to do

Catren · 08/02/2019 00:05

I agree you're being such a good sport about it but you really do deserve to spend your time with someone who values you. You only live once.

I'm not saying ltb, but he really needs to understand the impact he's having and that he's got a role in the relationship, which didn't end when he put a ring on it. I know we get comfortable after years of marriage, but that little bit of effort can keep the spark alive. That feeling of someone trying to look their best, go out of their way for you and working on the relationship should be something you both do. I'm only in my mid 30s now, so not a wise older woman, but honestly you'll blink and you'll be 50, living with all the resentment, having wasted the potential for a good relationship.

I'm sorry this is so preachy. I really hope you can get through the sulking and change things. Xx

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