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Original poster

Another perspective please (relationship and pet related)

36 replies

GetsIt · 07/02/2019 09:26

Hi

Woukdnt mind another perspective here as I'm not 100% sure which of us is being unreasonable here!

I have horses, I've had one of them 27 years, the others I've had a good while.... Basically long before partner appeared. Partner has known me a very long time and was well aware that I had horses. He absolutely hates them but I don't involve him at all in anything to do with them or even Really talk about them. I also pay for them myself and would never, ever expect him to contribute. I contribute to the house.

5pm last night it became apparent that my old pony was in a very bad way, we honestly thought we were going to lose him. I received the phone call and then told OH that I had to go and vet was on way, I t old him that if take our 18 month old with me. He offered for 18momth old to stay with him so that's what I did.

Turned out old pony was OK (he won't be if he ever scares me like that again!) rung OH and told him, at which point he got the raving hump and refused to talk to me since. Apparently now I have a daughter I can't go if there's a problem with one of the horses. I told him the horses won't be going anywhere. I tried saying that I can't leave a sick horse in a field til morning and not call vet and that if it was a dog he wouldn't have a problem, he acknowledged that no it wouldn't be but apparently dogs are different.

Currently still not talking to me and still has the hump...

Anybody have any insight on this that I may be missing?

OP posts:
Kelsoooo · 07/02/2019 09:27

That your DH is a prick?

Seriously, you're not being unreasonable in wanting to go to your horses.

Original poster
GetsIt · 07/02/2019 09:30

Apparently the issue is that if he wasn't there I'd take DD with me if necessary? I don't see the issue in an emergency, obviously I wouldn't choose to do it but if needs must....

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 07/02/2019 09:33

Taking care of your animals when they need it is your responsibility as an owner. He is being a dick. Don't accept him saying he gets to decide this. And it's not a big favour for him to keep your DD with him while you see to the horse, it's what any decent person and parent would do.

MrsPerfect12 · 07/02/2019 09:36

If my husband was away working or out and one of my pets were sick, I'd put the kids in the car and take the pets to be treated. You've done no wrong and no wrong taking you child in an emergency. DP being a prick. 😤

PrismGuile · 07/02/2019 09:41

God he sounds like a dickhead. He's her father so it's not a favour to look after her and single parents manage somehow. Tell him to stop sulking and grow up.

LilQuim · 07/02/2019 09:50

I don't own horses (I would bloody love to), but if I did and if I had a DP (there's a lot of ifs here!!) he'd have to bloody well understand how important they are. Glad your horse is ok! As for the silent treatment - I think that's really childish & destructive.

CheekyFuckerHQ · 07/02/2019 10:02

I have horses too.
Perhaps he would prefer you did nothing and were prosecuted under the animal welfare act!
You know who is being unreasonable here OP.
My DP makes a drama about the horses taking up so much time sometimes but when I needed the emergency vet he dropped all his commitments and joined me in the snow to direct the vet in and fetch things when the vet needed them.
Horses are a huge commitment, that commitment is yours but as your partner and the father of your child his commitment should be to support you.
I hope your old pony is doing well.

punishmepunisher · 07/02/2019 10:08

He's a dickhead.

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 07/02/2019 10:09

I don’t get it. What’s his issue? Looking after his own child while you went?

You have bigger problems than the horses.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 07/02/2019 10:14

Maybe have the bloke pts? He is an arse. What a raving example of a human being for your dd. .. Not.

Parthenope · 07/02/2019 10:17

Is there more to this, OP? It seems such a violent reaction. How long have you been together? Had he not fully realised the time and financial commitment of (multiple) horse ownership?

2019willbegreat · 07/02/2019 10:22

Never mind 100% - he is 1million % in the wrong.

Luckingfovely · 07/02/2019 10:23

Yup, he's a twat.

Notthatsimple · 07/02/2019 10:31

My DP has form for unreasonableness around animals (I love them. He’s indifferent, but prefers them not near him) but even he wouldn’t be this much of an arse!!

His problem appears to be that he has had to look after his own offspring... Confused

AryaStarkWolf · 07/02/2019 10:35

There's not even a small part to what he's saying that's right. He's being a complete prick and is a million percent in the wrong. First of all it's his daughter aswell so what's he complaining about unless he thinks children are womens responsibility and dads "help out" sometimes and even if he weren't there what's the problem with you taking her with you?

DianaT1969 · 07/02/2019 10:41

There must be more to this OP. Underlying resentment of some sort. Does he think you pull your weight financially? Equal earners? Does he blame you for other things too? Is his life not panning out as he expected, and he's dissatisfied?
As another PP said, horses are the least of your problem. I couldn't stay with someone who left a sick horse in a field overnight. He doesn't seem to get 'you'.

Original poster
GetsIt · 07/02/2019 11:03

Thankyou.... I wanted to check I wasn't being unreasonable for taking my daughter in an emergency situation like that lol.

Completely get everyone's point of view re. Being left with his daughter, I'm 99% sure that isn't his issue, it's more to do with his utter hatred of horses I think. There is a bit of back story re. Him and his daughter that isn't his fault at all and more to do with the situation regarding our relationship/birth of his daughter.... It was an incredibly complex situation so there is background here.

Resentment of the horses is definitely right though I think, he doesn't get it at all. Never has and never will and that's fine. He knows they're not going anywhere lol!

V glad to hear I'm not the unreasonable one for potentially taking my daughter out though.... I'm an FTM so was unsure if I was in the wrong.

OP posts:
Notthatsimple · 07/02/2019 11:08

Your DP needs to give his head a wobble

AryaStarkWolf · 07/02/2019 11:26

What's an FTM?

Anyway, what is wrong with taking an 18 month old to a field with you at 5pm? What's his issue with that, I don't get it?

AryaStarkWolf · 07/02/2019 11:27

Oh first time mother, duh sorry Grin

Original poster
GetsIt · 07/02/2019 11:51

Apparently my priorities are wrong eyeroll I can't actually believe how much it's escalated lol

OP posts:
ImMeantToBeWorking · 07/02/2019 11:54

I am a city girl and my DP is a farmer. I now live in his part of the country. There has been times that cows were calfing and lambs were lambing and he had to get up in the middle of the night, or sleep at his parents (where they keep the animals who are about to calf/lamb). It is part of his life and I will never begrudge him that. Yous DP needs to see that these are your passion, it is not as though they are something that you got into in recent years, they were in your life longer than him. And he cannot expect you to give up on that. No doubt your DC will love them too.

AryaStarkWolf · 07/02/2019 12:04

Apparently my priorities are wrong eyeroll I can't actually believe how much it's escalated lol

That makes no sense at all though, the only way it would make sense is if you were choosing the well being of your horses over your daughters, I don't get what would be so horrific about bringing your daughter out to a field at 5pm or even later. It's not like bringing her with you is putting her in harms way or anything. He's being ridiculous

Ylvamoon · 07/02/2019 12:10

I could not be with someone that does not accept my pets. (Missed the point.)

Original poster
GetsIt · 07/02/2019 12:43

Nope.... Me neither, I have no clue why its such a travesty! Except from its horses lol as apparently if it was a dog it would be ok

And no I made it quite clear from the very, very beginning that you love me, love my ponies!

OP posts: