Another perspective please (relationship and pet related)

[GetsIt]

Hi

Woukdnt mind another perspective here as I'm not 100% sure which of us is being unreasonable here!

I have horses, I've had one of them 27 years, the others I've had a good while.... Basically long before partner appeared. Partner has known me a very long time and was well aware that I had horses. He absolutely hates them but I don't involve him at all in anything to do with them or even Really talk about them. I also pay for them myself and would never, ever expect him to contribute. I contribute to the house.

5pm last night it became apparent that my old pony was in a very bad way, we honestly thought we were going to lose him. I received the phone call and then told OH that I had to go and vet was on way, I t old him that if take our 18 month old with me. He offered for 18momth old to stay with him so that's what I did.

Turned out old pony was OK (he won't be if he ever scares me like that again!) rung OH and told him, at which point he got the raving hump and refused to talk to me since. Apparently now I have a daughter I can't go if there's a problem with one of the horses. I told him the horses won't be going anywhere. I tried saying that I can't leave a sick horse in a field til morning and not call vet and that if it was a dog he wouldn't have a problem, he acknowledged that no it wouldn't be but apparently dogs are different.

Currently still not talking to me and still has the hump...

Anybody have any insight on this that I may be missing?

I personally would not choose to enter into a relationship with someone with pets especially expensive, time-consuming, long-lived ones like horses, which really are a way of life, longterm but it's not as though you suddenly ambushed him. The horses have been in your life longer than he has. Has this become more of an issue for him since you had your baby?

I’m not an animal fan and I often feel people are a bit silly over animals - but honestly even I don’t see anything wrong with what you did and I’d expect anyone who owned horses to be the same.

He’s an idiot.

It is highly unlikely that you will ever be in a position were you have to literally choose between your DD's welfare and your horses welfare so I have no idea what his point is.

Your pony needed care and both of you were home so one parent looked after their child while the other parent went to attend to the pony. In what way were you not prioritising your DD?

Even if it was night time and you were home alone and had to deal with a medical emergency with the horses then presumably you would either see if a trusted adult could care for DD or you would wrap her up warm and take her with you. Neither option would mean that you were a neglectful mother.

Your partner is being an immature nasty arse just for the sake of it. I understand that horses and pets in general are not universally loved but it is unusual that you have said he hates them. Is his level of dislike for them actually that strong? Would he actually see them suffer and not receive medical attention because he thinks that now you are a mother you must not ever have any other responsibilities other than your daughter?

You did nothing wrong at all.

He's being a controlling idiot. Your priorities would be wrong if you left her at home alone to go to your horse, you'd ether take her with you or your DH would have her - that's not prioritising your horse over your child that's sorting the situation so multiple loved ones are cared for effectively at the same time

I'd be having some choice words!!! Love you, love your hobbies - my husband travelled the world doing his hobby, spent lots of money and trains for it most days too - we fit things in with our children and his hobby doesn't take priority - he wouldn't take the children to watch on their own as they're too young to be safe alone whilst he's training but that's different entirely!

Again, thankyou for the replies 😊

As I said, things were v complex when I had the baby (I can't say alot more as I will.Out myself big time lol)

Current status is he's still sulking. Rather bored of it now lol

Also, yes his level of dislike is that strong. He genuinely has not a single bit of understanding as to why I have them. He wouldn't see one go without vet care if needed but as my mother was there with the pony I think he believes that should be ok....you know forget about the fact I've had this pony since I was 5 and he's one of my family so if it was even remotely doable I could be there I would be there!

Keep the horses, lose the horse's arse!

He knew what the deal was before you married. You'd probably made it pretty clear to him how involved caring for horses can be, but it's pretty obvs he expected things to change.

This isn't a problem that's going to go away. It's something that you're going to need to deal with by talking it out, with counseling help if needed.

FYI, OP, "FTM" is usually (in my circles, anyway) used as an abbreviation for "Female to male [transexual]".

Your H sounds like a right dick. I have no time for people who don't like animals.

I'm no animal person but thats crap behaviour from him.....sulking is pathetic - and can be form of emotional abuse.. if you look around there is a thread about someone recently and teh information about sulking you may find informative

Oh my god..... I'm defo not that type of ftm 😂

I wonder if part of the issue is that until now they've never ever affected him in anyway..... But different when you're dishing up dinner then have to run isn't it. Makes them a bit more real!

With regard to the emotional abuse, I genuinely don't believe that to be the case, it's a learned behaviour with him. I've known his family my entire life and he is exactly the same as his father. This doesn't mean I have a higher level of tolerance for it I hasten to add.... I find it ridiculous and infuriating.

He does have a lot of good points, honest and generally speaking we are very happy