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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I wrong

45 replies

Lalamce1 · 07/02/2019 07:37

Hi all I'm new to this . Let me fill you all in a bit maybe someone can help I have a 8 year old (not with her dad anymore )started to see my boyfriend almost 2 years ago lovely guy but he says im a bad parent because I do not send my child to her bedroom after she does her home work or after she eats her tea at tea time .. am I being wrong and thinking that a child should be allowed to use living room kitchen or what ever .. Sorry if this doesn't make much sense . My other half walked out over this argument last night ... he also has compared my child to his mates kids (he has not children of his own)

OP posts:
mooncuplanding · 07/02/2019 07:39

Your bf doesn’t sound lovely at all

You are seriously questioning whether it is abnormal to sit with your child after dinner?

He’s done a job on you

AuntieCJ · 07/02/2019 07:41

Get rid of the selfish prick. He doesn't like your child.

Xmasfairy86 · 07/02/2019 07:42

🤔 huh?!

I don’t send mine upstairs after dinner, they choose not to stay downstairs with me and DP. But if they wanted to watch the news with us they could stay 😂😂

Evennow · 07/02/2019 07:43

Perhaps he would like her out of the way so he has you all to himself. Whether that or not he is being very U and insensitive and clearly has no notion of child and family needs ie time together for playing, relaxing etc.

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 07/02/2019 07:43

He's not a lovely guy. Why on earth should your daughter be imprisoned in her bedroom? Because a childless MAN says so? Ffs.

MashedSpud · 07/02/2019 07:44

He basically wants your child out of the way.

I would tell him to piss right off.

ethelredonagoodday · 07/02/2019 07:44

I have a 9 year old. Definitely not very nice or normal to expect her to be in her room most of the time.

OKhitmewithit · 07/02/2019 07:53

Mine go where ever THEY choose. He is horrible.

OKhitmewithit · 07/02/2019 07:55

This is mean and horrible. Families spend time together.

Spanglyprincess1 · 07/02/2019 07:56

It isnt right op. I have three DSC plus a ds with dp, we have a playroom downstairs as well as last bing room. The DC are all welcome but they have to watch TV or read in living room . Computer games are for playrrom so are noisy toys. For my sanity.

Is that what he means?

Spanglyprincess1 · 07/02/2019 07:57

*Living room

TooTrueToBeGood · 07/02/2019 08:05

He clearly doesn't like your child. He has a Dickensian attitude to parenting. He stomps off in a huff when he doesn't get his way, like a classic controlling abuser.

There's nothing lovely about him and he is incompatable as a partner for a woman with kids. He'll make you and your daughter miserable in the long run.

Singlenotsingle · 07/02/2019 08:06

How is it being a bad parent just because you like to have her near you? Sending her to her room would make her feel unloved and unwanted. He's jealous. LTB.

Musti · 07/02/2019 08:10

Woah. No way would I continue with a man like this.

justthecat · 07/02/2019 08:13

I agree that it sounds like he doesn’t like kids and wants her out of the way, hes an idiot

Original poster
Lalamce1 · 07/02/2019 08:17

Thank you all for the comments I appreciate it

OP posts:
Changedname3456 · 07/02/2019 08:25

Is this about staying up on school nights? How late is she going to bed? It’s still your decision, not his.

LadyMinerva · 07/02/2019 08:27

Being sent to your room is a form of punishment. If she has done her homework or eaten her dinner she should be rewarded, not punished.

I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years. My ds was around the same age as your dd. He was confined to his room a lot. Now, 20 years later he still has terrible anxiety and I will never forgive myself. Don't become me.

Sorry OP, your bf is an arse and needs to be shown the door immediately.

Original poster
Lalamce1 · 07/02/2019 08:32

She goes to bed at 8 pm and is normally asleep by 8 15 ... she does have learning difficulties witch at times is hard on me and him

OP posts:
QuaterMiss · 07/02/2019 08:36

If a virtual stranger is taking over your home and attempting to diminish your child's status within the home - you should be getting rid of that person, not questioning your parenting.

UnperfectLife · 07/02/2019 08:44

Mine do go upstairs after dinner and homework- but that is their own choice. They're 11 and 16 though, and just want to get back to their devices/ consoles. When they were younger, of course they had full run of the house in the evening. It sounds like your BF thinks your DC is like a rabbit to be put back in its hutch.
Having no children of his own, he has no idea!!! He just sees your DC as a nuisance or an obstacle to time alone with you. My alarm bells would be ringing.

PookieDo · 07/02/2019 09:12

Your poor child

No I would not want to be with this awful sounding man

hellsbellsmelons · 07/02/2019 09:29

she does have learning difficulties witch at times is hard on me and him
Even more reason not to just shove her up to her bedroom.
Why would you?
It's HER house as much as it is yours.

And it's important to spend 'family time' in the evenings.
Your BF sounds like a selfish prick.
Time to ditch this one.

Concentrate on your DD and spending time together.

Pinkmonkeybird · 07/02/2019 09:40

Tell him to fuck right off. Children shouldn't be banished to their rooms just because he is around. What an arsehole!

Maddy70 · 07/02/2019 10:02

Send him to his room after his dinner (providing its a room far far away) and spend time with your child. Get rid of him