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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am I wrong

45 replies

Lalamce1 · 07/02/2019 07:37

Hi all I'm new to this . Let me fill you all in a bit maybe someone can help I have a 8 year old (not with her dad anymore )started to see my boyfriend almost 2 years ago lovely guy but he says im a bad parent because I do not send my child to her bedroom after she does her home work or after she eats her tea at tea time .. am I being wrong and thinking that a child should be allowed to use living room kitchen or what ever .. Sorry if this doesn't make much sense . My other half walked out over this argument last night ... he also has compared my child to his mates kids (he has not children of his own)

OP posts:

Gina2012 · 07/02/2019 12:26

She goes to bed at 8 pm and is normally asleep by 8 15 ... she does have learning difficulties witch at times is hard on me and him

I imagine the LDs are harder on your child, though

I can't begin to understand why you think your partner is 'lovely'

He sounds vile to me

AryaStarkWolf · 07/02/2019 12:43

Why not get a cage for her

NotANotMan · 07/02/2019 12:45

Why are you exposing your poor kid to this horrible man?

Adora10 · 07/02/2019 12:48

You actually have to ask; I think he needs professional help and tbh you need some parenting classes if you think this is remotely normal.

00Sassy · 07/02/2019 12:50

He’s a bellend OP.
He walked out over this? Then he can stay out, can’t he?

My thinking is that dc should ideally have bed times which are the times which they need to have gone to bed by.
Whether they spend the time after dinner in their room or in any other family room should be their choice.

What a prick this guy is!

Bluntness100 · 07/02/2019 12:51

WTAF, what's wrong with him.

Bin that fast, he's only going to get worse. He's telling you he doesn't wish your kid there. No of course you don't send a child to their room after their tea or homework, who the fuck does thaT?

TinyMarie · 07/02/2019 12:52

It sounds like he's rather she was out the way, maybe do you can focus on him?
He sounds like a knob and I wouldn't be having him back in the house!

DrMorbius · 07/02/2019 13:04

Is there a cultural dimension her Op, that you have not mentioned?

arseabouttit · 07/02/2019 13:05

Of course that's not normal. It's her home & if she can't feel she belongs there what kind of message does that send? Does he also say you shouldn't talk to her, spend quality time with her, sit in the sofa with her watching her favourite TV programme? Shut her in her room and forget about her so you can concentrate on him- is that it?? Having a child requires more than just sustaining life. If he doesn't get it you really don't want him in your lives. Let's hope he stays away for good.

DrMorbius · 07/02/2019 13:05

here Op

EllieMookins · 07/02/2019 13:18

It's her home, what does he expect her to do when he's there? Does she go to his house uninvited (assuming she isn't the one inviting him round to yours) and send him to his room so she can enjoy his home? That is literally what it's like for her. If you want a happy and emotionally healthy child you have to model the right behaviours and punishment in confining her to her room when he's there will just breed bad emotions, confusion and make her self worth suffer in the long run.

After 2 years I'd have assumed he'd have attempted to form a sort of relationship with her, what is that like? I had a step father who was unkind in similar ways and a Mum who let him be. It did me no favours and years later my mum has apologised a lot (unpromted) but it won't undo the damage, I wouldn't allow my children to grow up in an environment that was anything other than our safe place where they are respected as people and where discipline means help, not punishment. Go with your gut, if it feels wrong it is.

Blessingsdragon1 · 07/02/2019 18:48

Yeh he's a twat isn't he - good for standing up for her but give your head a wobble for keeping him around x

Hepzibar · 07/02/2019 19:08

You already know the answer to this OP.

Don't put a selfish man before your child. This will not improve.

He's waving a massive red flag right in your face - don't ignore it

Boysandbuses · 07/02/2019 19:47

Nah fuck that shit.

My son is a person, a human being. He isn't being pushed into his room and out of the way. I wouldn't do it to another adult why would I do it to a kid?

My Dp isn't my son's father. He only ever offers advice when I ask for it (he has an adult son) and would never make me feel like my son is in the way.

booboo24 · 08/02/2019 08:36

It's her home and I'd be damned if I let any man tell me my daughter isn't welcome in it, which is essentially what he's telling you. She has a bedtime, she absolutely should be around you before that time, either talking or huddled up on the sofa watching TV etc. Dont let him control you, he sounds awful

Bananalanacake · 08/02/2019 08:42

I am assuming you don't live together so tell him to fuck off home and give you all some peace.

Closetbeanmuncher · 08/02/2019 23:30

He's not a suitable partner for a woman with a child, and definitely not lovely....

It's not up to him to tell you how to parent your child and especially one who has additional needs...

He needs to wind his neck in or fuck off, although personally I would recommend that you fuck him off ASAP

Your daughter is your daughter, plenty more cock in the sea.

wishywashy6 · 08/02/2019 23:44

Eh? Who does he think your daughter is fecking Rapunzel?!

He sounds vile. My bf doesn't have his own children but I do. After tea he sits and reads a book with them, or plays cars with my little boy or teaches my little girl new Harry Potter spells.

Get rid of him OP, he's a bellend

CardinalCat · 09/02/2019 00:00

The fact that you have to ask this here shows that you know it's not right.
Please do not listen to this thick bully. Your lovely daughter who has SEN deserves you to do what you, her parent, knows is right for her developing needs. Listen to her, not him. Are you getting much support? It must be very hard at times, especially with a partner who sounds like he is not very sympathetic or caring for her.

FamilyMan75 · 09/02/2019 00:35

Hi,

I have a 10yrs old step daughter and a younger son with autism. I adore them both and cherish every moment we have together, especially as a family.

Its not how I would behave & the same for pretty much everyone else in the tread. Please don't doubt yourself. It's not right.

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