What would you think if your partner received a message....

[Fratelli]

From a woman saying "are you playing tonight?" And you know for a fact that it isn't to do with something like football for example.

That phone woukd be made available to me...or he would be leaving.

I genuinely think it sounds innocent now you've explained the context of the work set up. Its a common expression. You obviously don't trust your DH... Has he given you reason?

My husnsnd doesn't like me looking through his phone. He's put a lock on in too! I know he's not cheating for a fact. But I do know he watches porn and thinks I don't know what he gets up to on his mobile but I do not bothered though. Bigger fish

No form of secrecy is good in a marriage.

I’m sorry but I would be deeply suspicious and ask to see the phone based on what she said (it makes no sense), his responses verbal and non verbal whenyou queried it and based on your gut instinct.

I have absolutely nothing secret or untoward on my phone but if DH insisted on checking it I'd be fuming

Sorry, he's deleted all their other conversations?

Yeah he's a cunt.

Deleted conversations!? Hmm - I’m the least jealous, mixed sex friend groups partner but if your DH and this woman don’t regularly & openly meet in a way that you are aware and unthreatened by & he’s deleted the conversation then alarm bells would be ringing.

To be fair from another perspective I occasionally meet a friend for a beer after work as he lives near my office - DH is also nice good friends with him, he would also would always be welcome (but wouldn’t vibe as it’s miles away) & is well aware we’re meeting & I might send something to my friend along those lines in a lighthearted way - more ‘are you coming out to play’ - jokingly in a reference to what you used to say as a child when you ‘called on’ someone at their house! But ‘playing tonight’ is far more sinister/loaded...

Don’t know where that erroneous ‘nice’ came from! Just ‘good friends’!

I would be extremely concerned and only because of the deleted previous conversation. There’s no way she has just messaged that out of the blue, there’s clearly convo that has been deleted.

Oh blimey - also ‘come’ not ‘vibe’ - ducking autocorrect!!

I'd take it to mean private fun, OP, I'm sorry.

Deleted previous messages?.....it’s sexual connotations in that msg and you know it op. He will cover his tracks more now he knows you’ve seen that and tackled him over it: sorry op.

The deleted past conversations speak volumes. It would be a really weird first text to send so there’s history that he’s hiding.

Could be completely innocent as pp have said, but given the other signs eg deleting msgs and locking phone, I'd be suspicious. Look for more evidence. He should be able to explain it honestly and openly, if he can't (as seems) then something is up, maybe EA or sexting etc

Sexy Facetime?

I thought gaming too, but since your update and knowing he deleted their conversations, I would now assume the worst. Sorry

Accept his explanation and apologise, then keep an eye out to catch him out again.

Playing is a term in the BDSM community.

I'm really sorry OP, but if he's not a gamer then he'll be having a fling or on a swinging website - "playing" is the term swingers use to mean having sexual fun. Not exactly code but it's the universally used word in that community.

Make yourself a secret profile on fabswingers and then go to the search function to look for men his age in your local area - you may well find him on there but brace yourself if you do, because you will likely find "verifications" on his page if he's been up to something, which are basically reviews of his performance in bed!!!

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you OP - his attitude towards the phone is very telling and I suspect you have a cheater on your hands.

That's sexual. Well, it is in our (non swinging) house....I'm so sorry, you'll be worried now and he needs to clarify this so you won't be. Not be all grumpy and defensive.

Is he in a pop group?

Half way through this thread I just thought it was innocent - "out to play". However, the deletions and his defensiveness are worrying.