Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've found him on a swingers website.

46 replies

AnxiousShits · 06/02/2019 20:26

Please give me the strength to not tell him to come home. Please give me the strength to get off the floor and find some other emotion than totally numb.

What do I need to do. Help.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnxiousShits · 06/02/2019 20:28

There's so many messages exchanged. So many disgusting photos.

OP posts:
ShesABelter · 06/02/2019 20:28

Thats horrible, are you married?

Original poster
AnxiousShits · 06/02/2019 20:28

We're not married, together for 5 years with a mortgage

OP posts:
Jackshouse · 06/02/2019 20:29

Sorry I have to ask, why were you on a swingers site?

RLABC · 06/02/2019 20:29

I didn't want to read and run OP Flowers

Has he left home? If so, I take it that you confronted him? What did he say?

ShesABelter · 06/02/2019 20:32

Sorry op that's awful.

How did you find he was on it and the pics did you have suspicions he was meeting people?

It's easier that you aren't married. Would you be able to buy him out the mortgage? Or he you?

Original poster
AnxiousShits · 06/02/2019 20:32

We share a Mac, I was googling recipes and found a good one a few days ago. I clicked history and I didn't realise it's shared to his phone. It took me took a swingers site and his photo came up (one I took of him) that's not on social media so it couldn't be someone using his photo. That photo was only sent to his phone.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 06/02/2019 20:32

Sorry I have to ask, why were you on a swingers site?
I was wondering this too.

Did someone tip you off OP?

Original poster
AnxiousShits · 06/02/2019 20:33

He's saying he has low testosterone and wanted to see if he could get aroused that way. The ducking piece of shit.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 06/02/2019 20:34

Cross post.

I'm so sorry OP.

ShesABelter · 06/02/2019 20:36

So if he knows he has low testosterone I presume he's been to the doctors and they should be able to give him something. Thats nonsense or he could watch normal porn or take viagra. Thats a pile of shite. What a horrible arsehole.

SandyY2K · 06/02/2019 20:36

He's saying he has low testosterone and wanted to see if he could get aroused that way.

I've heard it all now. He must think you were born yesterday.

I'd be insulted by his stupid reason.

Frosty66611 · 06/02/2019 20:37

Ugh what a bastard!

SweetAsSpice · 06/02/2019 20:37

Screenshot evidence if you wish to confront him.

Flowers you are in shock. We are here.

Original poster
AnxiousShits · 06/02/2019 20:38

I said the same, you've disrespected me enough and now you're insulting me too?

Apparently, they are just messages and he never met up with anyone. I'm clearly not worth the truth.

Why is he saying "just" messages? Why is he saying "I've never touched another woman" like it's an achievement?!

OP posts:
Original poster
AnxiousShits · 06/02/2019 20:38

I have taken photos of everything. I'm torturing myself looking at them

OP posts:
Ruddygreattiger2016 · 06/02/2019 20:44

Get him gone, what an utter twat.Flowers
Book an std test asap. So sorry, op, he is feckin hideousAngry

QueenieInFrance · 06/02/2019 20:45

He is saying ‘just’ messaging because then it’s not cheating. Or at least, it seems that it’s how he is looking at it.

It also implies it could be much worse, aka if he had met them and slept with another woman.

And yes clearly he is a twat that is trying to convince you it’s not so bad.

Original poster
AnxiousShits · 06/02/2019 20:46

It is cheating though isn't it? :(

Now I'm starting to minimise things in my head. I just want to go away.

OP posts:
QueenieInFrance · 06/02/2019 20:47

I’d recommend an STD check too.
I wouodnt trust him tbh.

QueenieInFrance · 06/02/2019 20:49

Anxious it is VERY CLEAR that for you, it is cheating.
For me, it is at least, breaking your trust.

And yes he is playing on that and creating doubts in your mind.
Don’t let him. He has gone way beyond your boundaries. That’s all there is to know. Don’t change them because he wants you to,

ShesABelter · 06/02/2019 20:49

He's broken your trust and that's enough. You will likely never know if he done anything else than just pictures and that will tear you apart if you stay with him.

Original poster
AnxiousShits · 06/02/2019 20:52

He said he didn't know if he was attracted to me anymore.

I'm broken. Completely broken.

OP posts:
Ruddygreattiger2016 · 06/02/2019 20:59

Op, stop listening to him, he is talking absolute bollocks and trying to distract you from the FACTS.

You have the pictures, THAT is the real him, THAT is irrefutable proof that he is an utter sleaze.

Do yourself a favour and get him to leave, and confide in your friends.
Then start looking at separating your finances, this guy will seriously fuck with your mental/emotional wellbeing if you stay with him.

nrpmum · 06/02/2019 21:06

I found my exh on a swinging site because I googled his xbox user name (he had form). He had sent some disgusting pictures that are burned into my brain. He used the same lines. I left a few years later after finding out about secret debt and yet more swinging/dating profiles.

I suppose I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone, and I know how bloody awful it is. Flowers

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.